I saw a fat person wearing a sweatshirt with 'Guess' on it. I said 'Thyroid problem?'

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realised that the Lord doesn't work that way, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Bypass. Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for 16 hardened criminals.

Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names.But one day I turned to my bullies and said 'Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me', and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.

My Dad used to say 'always fight fire with fire', which is probably why he got thrown out of the fire brigade.

S*x is like playing bridge: If you don't have a good pa