What's the first thing a woman does when she gets back from the battered women's clinic?
~The god damned dishes if she knows what's good for her.

Why do women get married in white?
~So they match the kitchen appliances!

Why did Clinton lose the election?
~Cause she is a woman

Whats the difference between your wife and your dog?
~Walking the dog is relaxing.

What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
~A battery has a positive side.

What have you done wrong when you wife comes out of the kitchen and starts nagging you?
~You made the chain too long.

Why did the woman cross the road?
~Wait, better question, why is she out of the kitchen!?

Why don't women wear watches?
~There's a clock on the stove.

Why do women have short feet?
~So they can stand closer to the stove.

Why dont women have a penis?
~So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Why don't women need drivers licenses?
~There is no road between the bedroom and the kitchen.

Why couldn't Hellen Keller drive?
~Because she was a woman.

How many men does it take to open a beer?
~None, it should be opened when she brings it to you.

What if God's a woman?
~Not only am I going to hell, I'll never know why.

What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
~Pregnant.

If your dog is barking at the back door and Danielle Cardella is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
~The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

Why haven't any women ever gone to the moon?
~t doesn't need cleaning yet

How is a woman like a laxative?
~They both irritate the crap out of you.

Woman inspires us to great things...and prevents us from achieving them. (Dumas)

What do you do when your dishwasher breaks?
~You hit her.

Wanna hear a funny joke?
~Women's rights.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
~Nothing, shes already been told twice.

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
~None, let the bitch cook in the dark!

Women are cute and cuddly - every man should own one.

How are women and high school phone policies similar?
~Because they can be seen but not heard

Why do women live longer than men?
~Because God adds them the time that they wasted on parking.

How do you get a woman dizzy?
~Put her in a circular room and tell her to go to a corner.

A man runs over his wife. Whose fault is it?
~The man, he shouldn't be driving in the kitchen.