A man walks into a bar looking distraught, so the bartender asks him, "Hey Buddy, what's the problem?"

The man explains, "Well, my wife is really mad at me. Earlier today, we were buying train tickets, and the lady behind the counter had a really big rack. So where I meant to say "Two tickets to Pittsburgh," I accidentally said "Two pickets to Tits-burgh, please!"

"I know just how you feel," said the bartender. "Almost exactly the same thing happened to me earlier this week. My wife and I were sitting at the breakfast table, and I meant to say 'Honey, could you please pass the salt?' but instead I said

"BITCH! YOU FUCKED UP MY LIFE!"