taoism- if you understand shit, it isn't shit

hinduism- this shit happened before

confucianism- confucious say 'shit happens'

buddhism- shit will happen to you again

zen- what is the sound of shit happening?

islam- if shit happens it is the will of Allah

sikhism- leave our shit alone

jehova's witness- knock, knock shit happens

atheism- i don't believe this shit

agnosticism- can you prove that shit happens?