1. I am currently out of the office at a job interview and will reply to
you when I return. If I fail to get the position, please be prepared for my mood.

2. Sorry to have missed you, but I'm at the doctor's having my brain and heart removed so I can be promoted to our management team.

3. I will be unable to delete all the emails you send me until I return
from vacation. Please be patient, and your mail will be deleted in the
order it was received.

4. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks.

5. Hi, I'm thinking about what you've just sent me. Please wait by your computer for my response.

6. I've run away to join a different circus.

7. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all.

8. I will be out of the office for the next two weeks for