You know, in other cultures, sleeping with someone’s girlfriend is a sign of approval.

It’s just like a paper cut, but from a switch blade.

Well, that’s what health insurance is for. And plastic surgeons.

As long as none of the hookers were hurt, we should be fine.

Bro, chicks totally dig grease burns.

It’s not my fault you paint cop cars the same color as urinals.

How was I supposed to know your mom was sleeping over?!

Well, now you have three nostrils. You’re welcome.

Well, after you hurt my dick, my only choice was to get your sister’s second opinion. Twice last night, and once this morning.

Haven’t you ever heard, “When in Rome, start a sushi fight with a hobo?”

Trees don’t have feelings.

So I banged her with your cell phone while calling it on vibrate, big deal.

I really wish I could remember what I just apologized for.

Hey, the less window you have, the more cool summer breeze you get.

Three months is plenty old to