Couple weeks before Christmas: I'm horny and drunk;

With my hands down my pants, feeling my junk.

My balls were just shaved so they're silky and smooth,

And I rub on my cock -- in hopes that I'll spooge.

I undo my belt, and I take off my pants,

I spit on my dick as I finger my ass.

My lubes are lined up on the end of my desk

With a towel nearby: to clean up the mess.

I take off my shirt as my chest starts to sweat,

And visions of anal sex pass through my head.

My dick quivers with joy I feel down to my balls,

But suddenly footsteps are heard from the halls!

It's too late to quit -- I stroke faster and faster.

If my mom walked in now it would be a disaster!

When, what to my wondering eyes should appear,

But dribbles of pre-cum: the end must be near.

They roll down my dick, to the base -- where they crust;

My PC muscles tighten, my nuts ready to bust.

Things couldn't be closer; my face starts to contort,

Then the worse thing imaginable -- a knock on the door.

I spin in my chair as I contemplate action,

But my dick won't stop now; it's spewing ejaculate

All over the floor, my shirt and my pants;

Nothing is safe, it runs down my hands.

My room smells like chlorine, my face is bright red,

As my mom turns the handle I jump on my bed.

In the panic my lubes were left out on display,

And the shit and sperm smell just won't go away.

She cracks the door open and pokes in her head,

Asks if I'm fine; "Yes," I say in shear dread.

She asks if I'm sick, I say, "No just exhausted."

I hope that she doesn't see the clothes that I've frosted,

Or the lamp shade, the keyboard: it's all stained with sperm.

The whole room is defiled, it will have to be burned.

She says, "Sweet dreams, honey," and closes the door,

But, oddly, my penis seems ready for more.

I lie there, stark naked, my dick poking up;

The feelings of fear have just left my gut.

I grab a hold tightly, to start off round two;

In just a few minutes, another load will be blew.

I've come real close, but I've never been caught;

It's usually quite fun -- more often than not.

I'll leave you with this: When you can't fornicate,

Have fun this Holiday Season, and just masturbate!