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Rules For Entering Texas

These apply to every person as they enter Texas. Learn íem & ímember íem. East Coast and California-types should pay particular attention!

1. Pull your droopy pants up. You look like an idiot.

2. Letís get this straight; itís called a "gravel road," I drive a
pickup truck because I need to. No matter how slow you drive, youíre going to get dust on your Lexus. Drive it or get the hell out of the way.

3. Those are cattle & oil wells. Thatís what they smell like to you.
They smell like money to us. Get over it. You donít like it? I-20
And I-10 go east and west, I-35 goes north and south. Pick one and

4. So you have a $60,000 dollar car. Weíre impressed. We have
quarter-million dollar cotton strippers that we drive 3 weeks a year.

5. So what if every person in every pickup waves. Itís called being
friendly. Try to understand the concept.

6. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of doves are coming in, we
WILL shoot it out of your hand. You better hope you donít have it
up to your ear at the time.

7. Yeah, we eat catfish & crawdads. You really want sushi &caviar?
Itís available at the corner bait shop.

8. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. Itís a
religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of

9. We open doors for women. That applies to everyone, regardless of age.

10. No, thereís no "vegetarian special" on the menu. Order a steak.
Or order the Chefís Salad and pick off the 2 pounds of ham &turkey.

11. When we fill out a table, there are three main dishes: meats,
vegetables and breads. We use three spices: salt, pepper and green chili. Oh, yeah .... We donít care what you folks in Cincinnati call that stuff you eat... It AINíT REAL CHILI!! Chili was born and bred in San Antonio....and real chili never met a tomato!

12. You bring "coke" into my house, it better be brown, wet, and
served over ice. You bring "Mary Jane" into my house, she better be
cute, know how to shoot, drive a truck and have pretty long hair.

13. High School Football is as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks, and a dang site more fun to watch.

14. Yeah, we have golf courses. Donít hit the water hazards - it spooks the fish.

15. Colleges? Try Texas A&M. They come outta there with an
education, plus a love for God and country, and they still wave at
passing pickups when they come home for the holidays.

16. We have more folks in the Navy, Army, Marines and Air Force than any other state, so "Donít Mess with Texas." If you do, you will get your butt whipped by the best.

17. Always remember what our great governor Sam Houston once said: "Texas can make it without the United States, but the United States canít make it without Texas."

18. By the way, the boys that captured So-Damn Insane (Hussein) were from...Yep! You guessed it~~"The Great State of Texas."
AWSmith Uploaded 01/04/2009
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Tags: state lone star


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