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40 Things You'd Love to Say at Work

1. I can see your point, but I still think youíre full of shit.
2. I donít know what your problem is, but Iíll bet itís hard to pronounce.
3. How about never? Is never good for you?
4. I see youíve set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
5. Iím really easy to get along with once you people learn to see it my way.
6. Iíll try being nicer if youíll try being smarter.
7. Iím out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message.
8. I donít work here. Iím a consultant.
9. It sounds like English, but I canít understand a damn word youíre saying.
10. Ahhhh .. I see the screw-up fairy has visited us again.
11. I like you. You remind me of myself when I was young and stupid.
12. You are validating my inherent mistrust of strangers.
13. I have plenty of talent and vision; I just donít give a damn.
14. Iím already visualizing the duct tape over your mouth.
15. I will always cherish the initial misconceptions I had about you.
16. Thank you. Weíre all refreshed and challenged by your unique point of view.
17. The fact that no one understands you doesnít mean youíre an artist.
18. Any connections between your reality and mine is purely coincidental.
19. What am I? Flypaper for freaks?!
20. Iím not being rude. Youíre just insignificant.
21. Itís a thankless job, but Iíve got a lot of Karma to burn off
22. Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial.
23. And your crybaby whiny-assed opinion would be?
24. Do I look like a people person?
25. This isnít an office. Itís Hell with fluorescent lighting.
26. I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left.
27. Sarcasm is just one service we offer.
28. If I throw a stick, will you leave?
29. Errors have been made. Others will be blamed.
30. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
31. Iím trying to imagine you with a personality.
32. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
33. Can I trade this job for whatís behind door #1?
34. Too many freaks, not enough circuses.
35. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
36. Chaos, panic and disorderÖmy work here is done.
37. How do I set a laser printer to stun?
38. I thought I wanted a career; turns out I just wanted a salary.
39. Who lit the fuse on your tampon?
40. Oh, I get itÖlike humorÖbut different.
cripster Uploaded 01/13/2009
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