01. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

02. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

03. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

04. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

05. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

06. The 50-50-90 rule: Any time you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

07. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

08. You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

09. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

10. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.

11. Flashlight: A case for holding dead batteries.

12. The shin bone is a device for finding furniture.

13. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

14. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

15. When you go into court, you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty