A mother passing by her son's bedroom was astonished
to see that his bed was nicely made and everything was
picked up. Then she saw an envelope propped up
prominently on the pillow that was addressed to

" Mom ."

With the worst premonition she opened the envelope
with trembling hands and read the letter.

Dear Mom :

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing
you. I had to elope with my new girlfriend because I wanted to
avoid a scene with you.

I have been finding real passion with Stacy and she
is so nice. But I knew you would not approve of her
because of all her piercings, and tattoos, and tight
motorcycle clothes and the fact that she is so much
older than I am. But it's not only the unbelievable
passion... Mom , Dad . she's pregnant.

Stacy said that we will be very happy. She owns a
trailer in the woods and has a stack of firewood
for the whole winter. We share a dream of having many
more children. Stacy has opened my eyes to the fact that
marijuana doesn't really hurt anyone. We'll be
growing it for ourselves and trading it with the other
people that live nearby for cocaine and ecstasy. In the
meantime we will pray that science will find a cure
for AIDS so Stacy can get better. She deserves it.
Don't worry Mom . I'm 15 and I know how to take care
of myself. Someday I'm sure that we will be back to
visit so that you can get to know your
grandchildren.

Love, Your Son John

P.S. Mom , none of the above is true.
I'm over at Tommy's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse
things in life than the report card that's in my
center desk drawer.

I love you.

Call me when it's safe to come home.