Body products gift basket- you smell like an elephants ass. Have a wash sweetheart.
Chocolate- you are looking a bit thin.
Poetry- I'm actually illiterate & thought this was the best way to tell you.
Champagne- lets get you so drunk that you will agree to some anal sex.
Roses- I forgot what day it was & had to get petrol anyway.
Lingerie- all your other clothes make you look like a hippy.
Jewellery- will take attention away from your horse face.
A night in a hotel- you want to take about our relationship, I just want to use the bed for some sex & porn.
Voucher to do chores around the house- you have been shouting at me to do them for months & theres no game on TV today.
Sex toys- our sex life is so boring nowadays that is this or a hooker.
Heart shaped balloon- I'm a cheap bastard.