-EBM is the real batman.

-If Chuck Norris has 5 dollars and Epic Beard Man has one dollar, Epic Beard Man has more money.

-Epic Beard Man can speak French while chugging beer.

-Nobody has the guts to tell Epic Beard Man that Beowolf is not a documentary.

-EBM only came here to do two things: (1) slap the shit out of tough thugs and (2) drink beer…and he’s almost running out of beer.

-In N Out has “Epic Beard Man” on their secret menu. It consists of no bun, no veggies and 2 raw beef patties that have been sitting in the sun for 6 hours.

-Epic Beard Man tans at night.

-Epic Beard Man was the shooter in the grassy knoll.

-Epic Beard Man is the first person to receive a “get out of draft” notice from the government.

-Epic Beard Man is a crip and a blood. Neither side have a problem with that.

-Epic Beard Man knows where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. Authorities are afraid to ask him.

-Does Epic Beard Man have to choke a bitch?

-Epic Beard Man can cook Minute Rice in…well…you figure it out.

-Epic Beard Man doesn’t play door bell ditch. He plays door bell and stand on your porch waiting for you to say something smart.

-EBM can teach a Chinese person English in Spanish.