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Quick Jokes

0
2
Quickies
>
> Quickie #1
> One day, Jay Dini came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in
a
very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything
you
want." So he tied her up and went fishing.
>
>
> Quickie #2
> A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran
into
the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,
"Honey, pack your bags. I won the damn lottery!" The husband said,
"Oh my
God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't
matter,"
she said. "Just get the hell out."
>
>
> Quickie # 3
> Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right,
and the
other is a husband.
>
>
> Quickie #4
> A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's
license.
First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician
showed him
a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read
this?"
the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the
guy."
>
>
> Quickie #5
> Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I
must
tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of
chardonnay."
>
>
> Quickie #6
> A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly,
her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put
in
some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO
MANY!
Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are
we
going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful... CAREFUL!
I
said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never!
Turn
them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't
forget to
salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt.
USE THE
SALT! THE SALT!!! THE SALT!!!"
> The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?
You
think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
> The husband calmly replied, "I wanted to show you what it feels
like
when I'm driving."
>
>
> Quickie #7
>
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man,
was
drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army
issued
him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On
his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon
the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
>
>
>
Glorp99 Uploaded 05/11/2011
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