1. Go to a secondhand store and buy a pair of men's used
size 14-16 work boots.

2. Place them on your front porch, along with a copy of
Guns & Ammo Magazine.

3. Put a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and
magazines.

4. Leave a note on your door that reads:


"Bubba,

Bertha, Duke, Slim, & I went for more ammo and beer. Be
back in an hour. Don't mess with the pit bulls; they
attacked the mailman this morning and messed him up bad. I
don't think Killer took part, but it was hard to tell from
all the blood. Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the
house.

Better wait outside. Be right back.

Cooter"