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Can you please hold... me?

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From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Monday, November 29, 2010 1:36 PM
To: customerservice@***.gov
Subject: ******* invoices

Good Afternoon,

Is there any way I can check the payment status of a few invoices online instead of over the phone? I have been on hold for over a half hour now. The automated voice said that "my estimated waiting time is greater than 0 minutes." This has been very accurate so far, but I don't know how much longer I should expect to be on hold for. It would really help me plan my day out if there was a more specific time frame the automated voice could give. Maybe something like, "Your estimated waiting time will be greater than 0 minutes and less than infinity minutes" or something of that nature. You know my friend Slippy claims he counted to infinity once? I didn't think it was possible, but Slippy swears he did it.

Thank you,

Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: *******, Maurice
Sent: Monday, November 29, 2010 1:47 PM
To: Trojanowski, David
Subject: RE: ******* invoices

Mr. Trojanowski,

We are currently experiencing some technical problems. Our site is down at the moment and unfortunately; the only way to check the status of your invoices is to speak with one of our associates over the phone. We apologize for any inconvenience.

Thank you.

Maurice *******
Customer Support
301-***-****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Monday, November 29, 2010 2:03 PM
To: *******, Maurice
Subject: RE: ******* invoices

Maurice,

Thanks dawg. Could I make one other suggestion? You guys need to do something about the hold music. It's whack, G. Could you get them to play some joints from Tupac or Biggie? I've been on hold for like an hour now and this hold music is making me want to pull out my 9 and cap someone. Na mean?

Thank you,

Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: *******, Maurice
Sent: Monday, November 29, 2010 2:16 PM
To: Trojanowski, David
Subject: RE: ******* invoices

Dave,

Unfortunately, there is nothing I can do about what kind of music is played while you are on hold.

Thank you.

Maurice *******
Customer Support
301-***-****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Monday, November 29, 2010 2:49 PM
To: *******, Maurice
Subject: RE: ******* invoices

Maurice,

My friend, D'postroph'e (AKA Remix*), just recorded a mixtape of him freestlying over some dope beats that my other friend Mawcus created. Maybe you guys could play that while people are on hold? I'll send you a copy of it and you can check it out. It's not the best quality but it should be aight. Make sure you listen to track 7 ("Barack'll Bomb Ya") a few times. There's a lot of symbolism and double entendre that you might not pick up on the first time around. Know what I'm sayin'?

*Whenever rappers yell, "Remix!" on a remix, it will be like they are giving a shout out to Remix

Thank you,

Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: *******, Maurice
Sent: Monday, November 29, 2010 2:54 PM
To: Trojanowski, David
Subject: RE: ******* invoices

Dave,

Please do not send me your friend's mixtape.

Thank you.

Maurice *******
Customer Support
301-***-****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Monday, November 29, 2010 3:11 PM
To: *******, Maurice
Subject: RE: ******* invoices

Maurice,

Are you sure you don't want to hear it? It's really good. I axed my friend Jamal what he thought of the mixtape and he described it as the "(expletive)in' (expletive)." And he knows his rap music. Jamal said he thinks Remix is like a "African American version of Eminem." In retrospect, this is probably not the best comparison for Jamal to make because all he is really saying is that Remix is just another rapper. You feel me?

Thank you,

Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: *******, Maurice
Sent: Monday, November 29, 2010 3:15 PM
To: Trojanowski, David
Subject: RE: ******* invoices

Dave,

Yes I am sure I do not want to hear it. If you do not have any other questions or concerns regarding your company's invoices, please do not contact me anymore.

Thank you.

Maurice *******
Customer Support
301-***-****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Monday, November 29, 2010 3:28 PM
To: *******, Maurice
Subject: RE: ******* invoices

Maurice,

I am still on hold and have been on hold for over 2 hours now. I was originally put on hold by a young woman but I can't remember her name. It was Lawanda or Tawanda, or Hotel Rwanda, or something like that. Could you track her down and ax her what's up?

Thank you,

Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: *******, Maurice
Sent: Monday, November 29, 2010 3:35 PM
To: Trojanowski, David
Subject: RE: ******* invoices

Dave,

Was it Tyesha?

Thank you.

Maurice *******
Customer Support
301-***-****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Monday, November 29, 2010 3:42 PM
To: *******, Maurice
Subject: RE: ******* invoices

Maurice,

It might have been. What does Tyesha sound like?

Thank you,

Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: *******, Maurice
Sent: Monday, November 29, 2010 3:46 PM
To: Trojanowski, David
Subject: RE: ******* invoices

Dave,

She sounds like a normal young woman. I would advise you to hang up and call the number again and please stop emailing me.

Thank you.

Maurice *******
Customer Support
301-***-****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: Trojanowski, David
Sent: Monday, November 29, 2010 4:16 PM
To: *******, Maurice
Subject: RE: ******* invoices

Maurice,

No that's not her. The woman I spoke to was special. I felt a real connection to her. And I think she was into me too. She asked me a bunch of personal questions like my name and what company I worked for and everything. Then she said, "Could you please hold..?" but she was cut off by the hold music before she could say "me." Could you pass along a message to her for me? Just tell her that Dave from ******* says, "Yes, all night long." She'll know what you are talking about.

Thank you,

Dave Trojanowski
Tel: 410.***.****
Fax: 410.***.****

________________________________________________________________________________________

From: *******, Maurice
Sent: Monday, November 29, 2010 4:20 PM
To: Trojanowski, David
Subject: RE: ******* invoices

Dave,

We close at 4:30 today. Please call back tomorrow and do not contact me in the future.

Thank you.

Maurice *******
Customer Support
301-***-****
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