Horror Movie Checklist Part 1

-Do not be the token black guy of the group. He dies first.

-Do not be the resident slut of the group. She dies second, usually while having sex, often with the token black guy.

-Do not be the raging asshole in the group. He usually dies while leaving someone for dead. And is left for dead for being an asshat.

-If at all possible, be the innocent virgin of the group. They, and the obvious love interest, often survive.

-If not qualified for the virgin position, be the badass rogue seeking redemption. He gets to kill the villain.

-If fighting a recurring villain (Freddy, Jason, Michael Meyers, Leatherface, etc), just kill yourself. There’s no point.

-Never split up, for any reason. If a member of the group goes missing, only search for them in a large, well-armed group.

-Never investigate strange noises. Strange equals deadly.

-The creepy guy in the group? Yeah, he’s probably the killer.