You Might Be An Iraqi If…

You wipe your butt with your bare left hand, but consider bacon “unclean.”
You can’t think of anyone you HAVEN’T declared Jihad against.
You think vests come in two styles: bullet-proof and suicide.
You consider television dangerous, but routinely carry explosives in your clothing.
You were amazed to discover that cell phones have uses other than setting off roadside bombs.
You own a $3,000 machine gun and $5,000 rocket launcher, but you can’t afford shoes.
You have nothing against women and think every man should own at least one.
You bathe at least monthly, whether necessary or not.
You have more wives than teeth.
You have ever had a crush on your neighbor’s goat.