The New Priest

A new priest, fresh from the seminary, is terrified during his first Mass. He stuttered and stammered his way through and forgot his place once or twice. The Bishop was on hand and gave him a bit of advice: replace your water pitcher with a martini.

The next week, things just flew by and the next thing the priest knew, it was Monday morning. Pinned to the clestory door was a note from the bishop:

Next time, sip the martini, do not chug.

David "slew" Goliath. He did not "beat the living shit out of" him.

There are 10 commandments, not 12.

There are 12 disciples, not 10.

Please don't refer to our Saviour and his Apostles as "J.C. and the Boys."

We don't refer to the cross as "The Big T"

The Father, Son and the Holy Ghost should not be referred to as "Big Daddy, Junior, and the Spook."

Next Sunday there is a taffy-pulling contest at St. Peter's. Not a peter-pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Last, but certainly not least: The Virigin Mary should not be referred to as "Mary with the Cherry."
Uploaded 11/27/2008
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