Dear Mrs. Jones,
>
> Over the past six months, your husband has been causing
> quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this
> behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the
> store. Our complaints against Mr. Jones are listed below and
> are documented by our video surveillance cameras.
>
>
> 1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them
> in people's carts when they weren't looking.
>
> 2 July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in House wares to go off
> at 5-minute intervals.
>
>
> 3. July 7: Made a trail of tomato juice on the floor
> leading to the women's restroom.
>
>
> 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an
> official voice, 'Code 3 in House wares. Get on it right
> away.'
>
>
> 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a
> bag of M&M's on layaway.
>
>
> 6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to
> a carpeted area.
>
>
> 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and
> told other shoppers he'd invite them in if they brought
> pillows and blankets from the bedding department.
>
> 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he
> began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people
> just leave me alone?'
>
>
> 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and
> used it as a mirror while he picked his nose.
>
>
> 10. September 12: While handling guns in the hunting
> department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants
> were.
>
>
> 11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while
> loudly humming the 'Mission Impossible' theme.
>
>
> 12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his
> 'Madonna look' by using different sizes of funnels.
>
> 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people
> browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'
>
> 14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud
> speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH
> NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'
>
> And last, but not least,
>
> 15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door,
> waited awhile, then yelled very loudly, 'Hey!
> There's no toilet paper in here!'
>
>
> Regards,
>
> Tom Richards
> Wa