Vodka: parked in front of the office, checking pockets for DUI ticket.

Whiskey: bar fight.

Margaritas: pet store, face pressed against Parrot cage.

Light Beer: friend’s couch with Guitar Hero guitar resting on lap, surrounded by flipped-over keg cups and wearing an empty eighteen pack of Busch Light as a helmet.

Everclear: morgue.

Dark Beer: roof of unfamiliar building, considering feasibility of Matrix.

Rum: hotel bedroom, unsure of why you’re in a hotel bedroom.

Vodka-Red Bulls: ditch on side of the road, analyzing car tire skid marks.

Wine: your parent’s house.

Gin: BarcaLounger in front of deafeningly loud C-Span.

Saki: death match with Goku.

Cosmopolitans: Guinness Book or World Records for “Largest Male Embodiment of Vagina.”

Absinthe: Bat Cave.