You know you're from Texas when...

• You measure distance in minutes.

• You can say “110 degrees” without fainting.

• The local news reporter actually fries an egg on the sidewalk. (I’ve actually seen this.)

• You say “Yes, ma’am” and “Yes, sir” to your own parents.

• You’ve ever driven 2 hours just to eat lunch, and then driven back.

• “Spring” is the grass being green for two weeks - then it’s brown...for the rest of the year.

• Directions include "down yonder".

• The rivalry between A&M and UT results in some people’s ideas of good and evil... and don’t even bring up OU.

• There is a Dairy Queen in every town with a population of 1000 or more.

• You see more roadkill on the highway than cars.

• The speed limit on the freeway is 70 but you are stuck behind a tractor (or john deere tractor) going 15.

• You know exactly who has been down your dirt road by the tire tracks...

• You can make a U-turn ANYWHERE you want... regardless of what the signs say.

• You discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

• You listen to the weather forecast before picking out an outfit.

• School gets canceled for 1/2 an inch of snow, your "snowmen" are less than 2 feet tall, and a majority of it is sand and leaves.

• You have BEEN HIT by a deer, but have yet to hit one.

• You know that roadrunners don’t say Beep Beep.

• You know the best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

• Hot water comes out of both taps.

• You realize asphalt has a liquid state.

• You carry jumper cables in your car ... for your OWN car.

• You have known someone who has had one belt buckle bigger than your fist.

• You know what "cow tipping" and "snipe hunting" is – and you know better than to go “snipe hunting”.

• School is cancelled for Stock Show/Rodeo.

• You have 5 pairs of boots and they all serve different purposes.
1) Work boots
2) Rodeo boots
3) Dress boots
4) Casual boots
5) Huntin’ boots

• You attend a formal event in your best clothes, your finest jewelry and your cowboy boots.

• You shop at HEB.

• You can wear a T-Shirt one day and the temperature drop 50 degrees with ice on the ground by the next morning.

• You can drive all day and not leave the state.

• When it rains, everyone is smiling.

• The Pastor wears boots.

• Four generations of the same family sit together in worship.

• You see more Texan flags than American flags.

• You know someone who ate the 72 oz steak and got it for free.

• You prefer Whataburger to McDonalds.

• You're disappointed when a food doesn't come in spicy flavor.

• You can tell a rock from an armadillo at 300 yards.

• You know people with black cars and/or leather seats are just asking for it.

• You know what Lone Star Beer is.

• Your idea of the perfect summer involves floating along in the sweltering hot July sun while your butt freezes in the cold Guadalupe for 8 hours straight!

• 45 minutes to work is the average... on a good day.

• Texas has two political leanings: Conservative and Austin

• On any given day, there's something someone's allergic to somewhere in the air.

• You know that that plural of “y’all” is “all y’all”.

• Yes, it is possible for it to be 3 A.M., 85º and 95% humidity. And then there's Houston...

• There are days when your towels won't dry.

• We have four geographical regions; how many do you have?

• It's called a bluebonnet. Leave it alone.

• Let's get this straight; it's called a "gravel road". Your Lexus WILL get dirty.

• You drive a pickup truck because you want to.

• You know 4 seasons - summer, hot summer, scorching hot summer and Deer Season.

• You go to the gas station and there is a sign in the window that reads, “No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service!”

• You have used/heard the term “booze cruise” when bored on a Saturday night.

• So every person in every pickup waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

• A Mexican restaurant can be judged by its salsa.

• Yes, by "Mexican", we mean "Tex-Mex" -- the only version that counts.

• You eat what you long as it isn't out of the back pond.

• You've swam in a pond, creek, "fishin' hole", cow trough.

• You had a tree house...or that you think of it there were houses in all those trees.

• You've ridden a bull.

• You've had to sit through traffic on Tuesdays and Saturdays because the sale was going on.

• You've been in the town newspaper for something other than felonies and your teachers notice.

• You didn't have had channel 5,7, and a whole bunch of channels in Spanish.

• School was cancelled because, no lie, the entire school was sick.

• You have done one or more of the following with hot wire:
- Peed on it to verify the myth
- Grabbed hold of it
- Clothes lined yourself
- (For those of you who don't know what a hot wire wire = electric fence...and you're lucky if it's a pulse model and not constant current)

• Stay off the road - there are no speed limits.

• You can shoot fireworks off you back long as it's not too dry.

• The same hot wire that shocked the crap out of you will not keep the bull out of the neighbor’s pasture....that's why all the neighbor’s cows had all black claves.

• High school football is a way of life.

• You were in 4H, FFA, FCA.

• The hottest girls have the biggest trucks.

• You can find the party Saturday night by the road with the most dust kicked up.

• The homeless people have bilingual signs.

• You have bean and cheese tacos for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

• A funeral procession for one of your family members takes over half an hour.

• You can tell how many people live in a house by counting the trucks parked in the front yard.

It's a common misconception that everything is twice as big in Texas, really, everything is 1.965 times bigger, but we round up.

It's a common misconception that we have killer bees, fire ants, gigantic roaches and mosquitoes and other awful insects, tornadoes, hurricanes, and damaging hailstorms. We tend to think of them as a few bitty bugs and a bad hair day.

It's a common misconception that everyone speaks with a Texas drawl. Y'all just don't know what y'all are talkin' about.

Finally, you are 100% Texan if you have ever heard this conversation:

“You wanna coke?”
“What kind?”
“Dr. Pepper.”
Uploaded 02/14/2009
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