None of your shirts cover your stomach.
You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.
You judge drive time solely by the number of beers you need to take.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife drunk.
You believe dual air bags refer to your wife and mother-in-law.
Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded right off it's wheels.
You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
You own a homemade fur coat.
The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending on how much gas it has in it.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
You carried a fishing pole into Sea World.
You have the local taxidermist's number on speed dial.
You take a load to the dump and bring back more than you took.
You've been married three times and still have the same in-laws.
You wonder how service stations keep their rest rooms so clean.
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
You think genitalia is an Italian airline.
You can change the oil in your truck without ducking your head.
You think taking a bubble bath starts with eating beans for dinner.
Your stereo speakers used to belong to the Moonlight Drive-in Theater.
You have to go outside to get something out of the fridge.
The Salvation Army declines your mattress.
Your father executes the "pull my finger" trick during Christmas dinner.
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.