Step 1: Lock card in tricky mind puzzle

Step 3: Cover in many layers of awesome mustachio duct tape

Step 5: Tape around glad ware, and place ensemble in lock box along with an awesome picture of yourself mocking the intended recipient

Step 4: Knot entire package in 200 feet of string, then place inside glad ware and use Gorilla Glue

Step 7: Place lock box key and pad lock key in individual pieces of crumpled notebook paper. Place lock box, keys, and 55 other "decoy" pieces of paper into large container

Step 2: Cover in 5 alternating layers of plastic wrap and Gorilla Glue

Step 8: Use 15 feet of chain, combination lock, and banana to Houdini the entire thing closed

Step 6: Lock said lock box, wrap with bike lock, and lock bike lock with padlock

Step 9: Include a Sudoku puzzle that needs to be solved to obtain the combination to the combination lock

Step 10: Tape it up and you're ready to go! (Banana for scale)