Nice chinstrap, bro. That’s really uh masculine. Also the spray tanner and freckles combination here makes me doubt your Italian ancestry.

This guy looks like he pumped a pint of collagen in those mashers before he took this Olan Mills shot.

Spray tanner is one thing, but this meathead is taking it a step further and jacking his girl’s eyeliner, too. It’s a short haul from here to giving himself a Brazilian ass-wax, tucking it back and going Guidette full-time.

Man, Archie has really let himself go. It used to be his hair was red.

You spend a thousand bucks for a dress and she gets bronzer all over the shoulder. That crap never washes out.

These two ‘mos could have abs like the Situation and they’d still die virgins.

This guy is basically advertising to all God’s creation that he loves to spank the monkey. Classy.

God, look at that V-neck. If that thing was any lower we could see this dude’s pubes. Assuming he doesn’t wax, which I’m sure he does.

It’s nice to see that the Kool-Aid Man’s moving on from the death of his wife.

Gangsta spread, bro especially the floppy disks. You got some bitchin’ WordPerfect files up in there? Maybe a HyperCard stack with ASCII pix of naked women?

Why yes, I would like to be seen with somebody who looks like a roided-out pumpkin in plaid shorts! With the Internet, this picture will live forever!

There’s something about this dude that makes me think he has a sense of irony about the whole thing, like he goes home and washes the gel out of his hair and has a good cry to some old Ryan Adams or something. But then I realize that irony is like Kryptonite to guidos.

The funny thing about guidos in the 2K10 is that they don’t even have to be Italian. This guy’s some kind of Swede or something. You’d think they’d know better.

I think Guidos really go all-out for Prom. These bros did like six coats of bronzer before they got all duded up. Their dates appreciate the attention to detail!

I could make really easy jokes about these low-cut pink and purple shirts that this pair is sporting. But why? A picture is worth a thousand jokes.

A guido wedding is truly a sight to behold. If you’ve ever wanted to hear the worst techno made by human hands and watch morbidly obese women cry, you’re in luck!

These kids look like two prime Florida oranges. I love that one of them couldn’t even make it up to their hairline. I can see two blonde chicas who are going to have some serious smears on their pillows tonight.

This is like some freaky extraterrestrial stuff. If you peeled off their skin they’d be a slimy gray unisex race of E.T. guidos, all doing the fist pump in between anal probes.

Look at these winners. This dude is so proud of his sunglasses he’s probably going to get a tattoo of them. And the girl , Can you imagine the horrors her dead eyes have seen?