1. Contempt: lifted brows, upper lip lifted. How to cause this: it's enough just to wipe the sweat off your head with a tip of your tie.

2. Controlled anger: tightly shut lips, flared nostrils, eyes squinting slightly. How to cause this: find a photo album with your ex-wife photos and put it in a prominent place.

3. Fear: eyes open wide, eyebrows slightly raised comers of the mouth are pointing downward. How to cause this: pick up the phone and say: Hey Wolfgang! I heard you and your brothers have no place to live? Well, come live with us!”

4. Sarcastic Smile: mouth half-open, eyes slightly squinting. How to cause this: going out with your buddies, promise to be home at 9 pm.

5. Obligatory Smile: mouth corners are pointing in different directions, in a lopsided smile. How to cause this: invite your boss to visit your house.

6. Derision: lips shut, eyes squinting. How to cause this: refuse to pay extra $100 for a hotel room with a better view.

7. Asking nicely: lifted eyebrows, trembling chin. How to cause this: promise something, then change your mind.

8. Pleading: wrinkled forehead, lips slightly open, eyes wet. How to cause this: Again promise her something, (see previous), and then change your mind again.

9. Baffled Anger: one eye squinted, jaw put forward. How to cause this: when you team wins, go to bed dressed in it's colors.

10. Confusion: eyes open wide, mouth slightly open. How to cause this: get a tattoo with a different girl's name.

11. Deep Hatred: all face muscles are frozen as in a mask. How to cause this: Say that her new dress is good, but your secretary's dress is better.

12. Humble Submission: mouth is closed, one eyebrow slightly raised. How to cause this: as yet unknown.