Doctors, especially proctologists, go to school for a really long time. This is because the practice of medicine, while not an exact science, is pretty flippin hard. Yan Wu of Hangzhou, China is not a proctologist — as he recently found out. Wu felt like he was dealing with a bad case of the ol’ hemorrhoids and was just about at his wit’s end. Or some kind of end. In a desperate attempt at relief, Wu went ahead and took a medieval style miniature sword, and just crammed it up his butt in an attempt to cut the hemorrhoids out. This did not end well.

Wu called in sick to work that particular day, saying “I can’t come into work today. I have a sword stuck in my bum.” His employer called for an ambulance and they rushed Wu and the foot-long sword to the hospital. As if people needed a reason not to cram swords in their butt, Wu allowed the media into the emergency room “as a warning to others.” Putting a sword in one’s butt must be a real issue out there if people needed to be warned not to.

As if Wu’s day didn’t suck enough already… the doctors informed him that he never had hemorrhoids to begin with. Cue the fail horn.