It's time again for the annual 'Stella Awards'! For
those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named
after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck who spilled hot
coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's
in New Mexico where she purchased the coffee. You
remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it
between her knees while she was driving. Who would
ever think one could get burned doing that, right?

That's right; these are awards for the most outlandish
lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S . You know, the kinds
of cases that make you scratch your head. So keep your
head scratcher h andy.

Here are the Stella's for the past year:

7TH PLACE :

Kathleen Robertson of Austin , Texas was awarded
$80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her
ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a
furniture store. The store owners were understandably
surprised by the verdict, considering the running
toddler was her own son.

6TH PLACE :

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won
$74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran
over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently
didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the
car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's
hubcaps.

Go ahead, grab your head scratcher.

5TH PLACE :

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania , who was
leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the
garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic
garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get
the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter
the house because the door connecting the garage to
the house locked when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced
to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT, days on a case of
Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he sued the
homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental
Anguish.

Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must
pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish. We should all
have this kind of anguish.

Keep scratching. There are more...

4TH PLACE :

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock , Arkansas , garnered
4th Place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500
plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt
by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the
beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced yard.
Williams did not get as much as he asked for because
the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked
at the time of the butt bite because Williams had
climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly
shot the dog with a pellet gun.

Grrrrr. Scratch, scratch.

3RD PLACE :

Amber Carson of Lancaster , Pennsylvania because a
jury ordered a Philadelphia restaurant to pay her
$113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and
broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on
the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend
30 seconds earlier during an argument. What ever
happened to people being responsible for their own
actions?

Scratch, scratch, scratch. Hang in there; there are
only two more Stellas to go...

2ND PLACE :

Kara Walton, of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of
a night club in a nearby city because she fell from
the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two
front teeth. Even though Ms. Walton was trying to
sneak through the ladies room window to avoid paying
the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the night club
had to pay her $12,000....oh, yeah,
plus dental expenses. Go figure.


1ST PLACE : (May I have a fanfare played on 50 kazoos please)

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner
was Mrs. Merv Grazinski, of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma ,
who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On
her first trip home, from an OU football game, having
driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control
at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to
the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich.
Not surprisingly, the motor home left the freeway,
crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs.
Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the
owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the
driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The
Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down,
$1,750,000 PLUS a new motor home. Winnebago actually
changed their manuals as a result of this suit, just
in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also
buy a motor home.

Wellington: When it comes to driving, women are better than men, according to a new survey.

The latest survey by AA Insurance found that while men were more confident in their driving, it didn't make them better than the opposite sex.


In the poll of 2573 drivers, aged between 18 and 75, a quarter of men described themselves as impatient drivers, compared with 19 per cent of women.


"Men are more inclined than women to exhibit a range of risk taking behaviours while on the road," says AA Insurance chief executive Chris Curtin.


"Men are more inclined to speed, show aggression, fall asleep behind the wheel and to identify themselves as impatient,” he added.


According to the study, a relatively high 15 per cent of men admitted they exceeded the speed limit most of the time, even if only by a few kilometers per hour, compared with only 9 per cent of women.


However, the majority of both genders admitted breaking the speed limit at least some of the time – 79 per cent of women and 78 per cent of men, the study found.


Also, a quarter of men surveyed men had momentarily fallen asleep at the wheel, compared with 13 per cent of women.


When asked what they would do if tired when driving, 51 per cent of women said they would stop to take a power nap, compared with 46 per cent of men.


Some 53 per cent of men and 51 per cent of women admitted yelling or gesturing at another driver for doing something they perceived as dangerous or rude.


Analysis of historical claims data from AA Insurance found that on average women made around 6 per cent more claims than men, but their average cost of their claims was lower than men

 To My Dear Wife,
 
 You will surely understand that I have certain needs that
 you, being 54years old, can no longer satisfy.  I am very happy with
 you and I value you as a good wife. 
 Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly
 interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old
 secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. 
 Please don't be upset - I shall be back home before midnight.

 When the man came home late that night, he found the
 following letter on the dining room table:



 My Dear Husband,

 I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about
 my being 54 years old.  I would like to take this opportunity to remind
 you that you are also 54 years old.  As you know, I am a math teacher at our
 local college.
 I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will
 be at the Best Western Hotel with Michael, one of my students, who is also
 the assistant tennis coach.  He is young, virile, and like your
 secretary, is also 18 years old. 
 As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of Math, you will
 understand that we are in the same situation although with one small difference...

 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

 Therefore, I will not be back home until sometime tomorrow.