Funny Bushisms pt.2
"I promise you I will listen to what has been said here, even though I wasn't here." -at the President's Economic Forum in Waco, Texas, Aug. 13, 2002

"We spent a lot of time talking about Africa, as we should. Africa is a nation that suffers from incredible disease." -Gothenburg, Sweden, June 14, 2001

"You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test." -Townsend, Tenn., Feb. 21, 2001

"I couldn't imagine somebody like Osama bin Laden understanding the joy of Hanukkah." --at a White House menorah lighting ceremony, Washington, D.C., Dec. 10, 2001

"You know, one of the hardest parts of my job is to connect Iraq to the war on terror." --interview with CBS News' Katie Couric, Sept. 6, 2006

"I'm the commander -- see, I don't need to explain -- I do not need to explain why I say things. That's the interesting thing about being president." --as quoted in Bob Woodward's Bush at War

"Oh, no, we're not going to have any casualties." --discussing the Iraq war with Christian Coalition founder Pat Robertson in 2003, as quoted by Robertson

"I hear there's rumors on the Internets that we're going to have a draft." --presidential debate, St. Louis, Mo., Oct. 8, 2004

"I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family." --Greater Nashua, N.H., Chamber of Commerce, Jan. 27, 2000

"Do you have blacks, too?" --to Brazilian President Fernando Cardoso, Washington, D.C., Nov. 8, 2001

"My plan reduces the national debt, and fast. So fast, in fact, that economists worry that we're going to run out of debt to retire." --radio address, Feb. 24, 2001

"See, in my line of work you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to kind of catapult the propaganda." --Greece, N.Y., May 24, 2005

"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him." --Washington, D.C., Sept. 13, 2001

"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." --Washington, D.C., March 13, 2002

Another thing I found on a website I thought I would share.

10. "Rarely is the questioned asked: Is our children learning?" --Florence, South Carolina, Jan. 11, 2000

9. "As yesterday's positive report card shows, childrens do learn when standards are high and results are measured." --on the No Child Left Behind Act, Washington, D.C., Sept. 26, 2007

8. "If this were a dictatorship, it'd be a heck of a lot easier, just so long as I'm the dictator." --Washington, D.C., Dec. 19, 2000

7. "I'm the decider, and I decide what is best. And what's best is for Don Rumsfeld to remain as the Secretary of Defense." --Washington, D.C. April 18, 2006

6. "There's an old saying in Tennessee -- I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee -- that says, fool me once, shame on --shame on you. Fool me -- you can't get fooled again." --Nashville, Tenn., Sept. 17, 2002

5. "Too many good docs are getting out of the business. Too many OB-GYNs aren't able to practice their love with women all across this country." --Poplar Bluff, Mo., Sept. 6, 2004

4. "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we." --Washington, D.C., Aug. 5, 2004

3. "You work three jobs? ... Uniquely American, isn't it? I mean, that is fantastic that you're doing that." --to a divorced mother of three, Omaha, Nebraska, Feb. 4, 2005

2. "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job." --to FEMA director Michael Brown, who resigned 10 days later amid criticism over his handling of the Hurricane Katrina debacle, Mobile, Ala., Sept. 2, 2005

1. "My answer is bring them on." --on Iraqi insurgents attacking U.S. forces, Washington, D.C., July 3, 2003

I think #6 is the one that cracks me up the most.

I was held up in a robbery at a store I once worked at a fews years ago. I remember going through the court proccess to prosecute the guy who robbed the store. It was about 5pm on either a saturday or sunday in february. There wasn't much snow on the ground and the weather was warm for the month it was where I live. This guy walks into the store and from where i was standing all i could see is the top of his hoodie. I stand up to walk over to the register to greet him and I foolishly wasn't payin attention and asked how can I help you? Then he said open the drawer! I looked up and he had a bandana around his face hoodie pulled over his head so all I could see is his eyes and forehead covered in acne. He said it again and then pulled out a gun; so I paniced trying to open the register and gave wim the money ($125.00). So I called the police and they did what they had to do. Now this was a lil' corner store where everybody knew everybody but me because I lived in the better side of town. Apparently there was this kid who constantly tried to rob the store (well will name him Joe). The store owner was outside of his store later that night and Joe came down the road wanting the store owner to open up so he could buy a carton of cigs. Knowing this kid never has money he was curious to how he got it. Long story short When i went through the veiwing profiles of guys who matched my description i came down to 4 guys. I told the investigator that If i could hear his voice I'd know it. So it came down to it was this Joe kid....

Now on to the jury proces:(this is where i wonder where they get the people that they do.)

I was in a room with a panel of people who were asking me questions about the robbery. Some of the questions were normal like what time did this happen? Was anyone else in the store?  Then came the two Idiots that just astounded me by their questions.

this one was to the investigator - "what's the probability of someone wearing all black when robbing a store?".    I mean come on wtf? I wanted to reply myself and say slim to none, most robbers wear bright neon pink so they stick out like a sore thumb!

Then one guys question to me: "What color socks was the robber wearing?"Umm yeah as i was being robbed with a gun shoved at me I noticed the nice white nike socks he must of just stole from Dick's sporting goods!

Now seriously what IQ do you have to have to be selected for jury duty?

I found this on a web site thought someone might enjoy it on here! 

World's Worst Predictions - Famously Wrong Predictions

Right now im tired and bitchy and a bit buzzed from drinking at the bowling alley. From my house to the bowling alley and back I think I have encountered about 1,000 of my pet peeves. I should probably see a nut doctor because the thoughts that run through my mind are mostlikely not normal.

1. I hate drivers that refuse to go over the speed limit or drive slower than the speed limit.

 *thought in mind of satisfaction - get a car and hook a fork lif in front with capabillites of flipping the car infront of me over my car into some gorge. Make that fucker think twice before going slow again.*

2. Drivers who come to almost a complete stop to turn down another road who insist not to move over to the shoulder but stay in the lane. Watch it grandma you might roll it going 10mph*

 *thought of how to solve this problem - strap bettering ram infront of my car and push them out of the way!*

3. People who are on the highway who like to play the i dont wanna be passed then play the speed up slow down game.

 * How i got my satisfaction of being pissed off by this - As childish as this sound this one bitch played this game for 20 min on the highway. when i finally got a chance to speed around her i rolled down my window and chucked a muffin at her windsheild...... god it felt so great!!!!!!!! The satisfaction was almost better than sex!*

4. Overly happy people! I dont know what it is maybe im not a big fuckin bowl of sunshine, but people who always run around smiling, he he'ing,preaching of how god will help you in your time of need,or when life hands you a lemon make lemonaid, ect. ect. . No normal person can be that happy unless they are on zoloft or something.

 *my reaction - beat them to a bloody pulp! But then knowing my luck they would still smile and turn it into a glass of lemonaid.*

5. Idiots that cant talk proper english! How do you get through life having a conversation based on yo is u down homie? wud up dawg. I is from g town. Are you that dumb you can't pronounce where your from? How hard would it be to say I am? How did u graduate from high school? Better yet how did you fill out your welfare form? Name: Crack masta

Previous occupation: walmart invetory control specialist (the theft side)

6.Welfare bums - ok i dont mean to offend anyone who is on welfare because they have lost their job and have had a hard time getting another one right now due to the economy. I get pissed off when i see people on welfare going to the store to buy beer and cigs, their kids look like they havent eaten in a week and dressed to the point where a potatoe sack would look better. They piss me off when they refuse to work and bitch they have no money or the goverment is treating them like criminals.

* satisfaction - watching these people work for 40yrs with no pay cleaning porta potties*

7.Scum bags who keep popping out kids to get more welare money and a bigger EIC check at the end of the year. I worked in a tax office last year and i have never been more annoyed than the one bitch who came in with 5 kids. All had different father, she didnt work only maybe 1 month out of 12, was on welfare and got 4,ooo dollars back and she had the balls to bitch she was getting less than last year! Um i worked 12 months out of 12 and only got 900 back. Then she gets the privalege of getting the 1,200 back on the stimulis check because she had 5 bastard kids?

* My punishment - the more kids you have the more you have to pay the goverment back, for being a tax burden on the people who do work*

ughhh im goin to bed, i just made myself more pissed off!

Since were posting poetry now heres one i wrote:

Taken Away


I remember the memories of what used to be,
But one day it all got taken away.
I still hear your laughter as if you're right next to me.
As every hour passes by,
I sit,
I wonder,
Only to break down and cry.
I turned to lean on your shoulder,
soon to discover that you were not there,
How could life be so unfair?
My mind filled with anger,
and my soul felt as though it was gone.
My heart weakened as I turned to the stranger,
And i asked do you regret what you've done?
The strangers eyes were glazed over,
as his breath smelled of booze,
he never looked over and left no reply!
My eyes willed with tears as i yelled why god why,
My hands craddled to my face as i fell on my knees,
sobbing all i could think,
is why did this stranger take my loved one away from me?

Recently I've been wondering about how much our news media (television, news papers, political commentators,ect.) affect how we think on these issues. It seems our veiws are based on how the news represents and directs the issues. Like for example when we watch the news and they negativitaly put down the war in Iraq. They tend to push the issue on the death toll and money being wasted and why are we there. In otherwards it seems like their pushing us to believe that the war is bad. They never seem to recap the positive things of acheivement since we have been over there. Another example is recently the economic situation. Several times they pointed out the negative sides of the bill they were trying to pass to help our economy(im not saying i was in favor for it). They never listed any positive things that the bill could do for us(except that it would bail the banks out) but then turned it around to being a bad thing. I know i coulda explained this better but is it just me or is the media trying to force their opinions on us to believe as they do? Why can't they just state the facts and let us draw our own conclusion to the issues? Even when trashing the war remind us of the things we acheived! If i was in the military risking my life and seeing my buddies get killed i'd be pretty pissed that someone said the war is pointless and not reconize what we have acheived!

It's Time for new shows and old ones to come back on the air, but lately (well even last year) they seem to suck! Im a big fan of House,M.D. but last season seemed to be boring except the last 2 episodes and this year is following right behind the suck factor. Also what the hell is with the P.I. on House is that wilsons replacement for Houses only friend? Then I tried watching the new Knight rider show. I was completely disapointed, after seeing the movie premire on NBC last year. Maybe i could get into it. My name is earl has gotten kind of repetative from previous seasons. I even got as desperate as watching the CW's new 90210 omg that was about as mind numbing as this blog. It seems as though the networks are hooked on these competition and reality shows, I am so sick of reality shows. If i want reality i'll go outside or turn to CNN. Does anyone else feel like tv just sucks ass anymore?

Ok im gonna quit being annoying after this blog but im enjoying the creative things everyone comes up with for the fortune cookie sayings. Also i enjoy seeing something people dont fight about on the comments.  

So my new question how many condom slogans can you come up with for condoms you would invent or even existing ones?

Heres one i have: A oriental rug condom - "take a taste of the orient and ride the magic carpet ride!"

Bungee chord condom - "just when your not sure how faar in you'll fall"

Look im not complaining on this blog!!!! I just read a fortune cookie blog and it had 12 real something or other(short memory, sorry).I answered I wanted to open a fortune cookie factory that stuck insults or demotivational notes in them. Even though this is a stupid blog but what would you put for insults or demotivational comments in the cookies?

How funny would it be to be able to pick what is said on one of those cookies and hand it to people to see their reaction?  I want some good insults or demotivational one, I don't want to see .... "well i'd put your fat on one"  Common people you're all creative!!!!!

I was reading a website one day about the difference on men and womens sex drives. This guy was going on about how women dont enjoy it as much as men infact he points out "The one thing besides hormones that contributes to female reluctance to consent to sex is the expectation, on the part of the male, that consent always means vaginal intercourse. If your hole were getting pounded every time you said yes to sex, guys, you would say yes less often." I chuckled at how he put that line but the funniest part of his story was when he ranted about the shame of lotions and how she's preferr a cupcake....

"For years, whenever I printed a letter from a guy who wasn't getting any, or wasn't getting much, mail would pour in from women insisting that he had to be doing something wrong.

I called them the "if only" letters: If only she didn't have to do all the housework, she would want to have sex. If only he would talk with her about her day, she would want to have sex. If only she weren't so exhausted from taking care of the kids, she would want to have sex. If only he didn't ask for sex, she would want to have sex. Well now, thanks to Sewell, straight guys everywhere know that it doesn't matter how much housework you do, or how sincerely interested you are in her day, or how much of the child care you take on: She still won't want to fuck you. So leave the dishes in the sink, grab a beer, and go play a video game, guys. Your "if only" nightmares are over.

Sewell's book is also going to restore straight men's dignity. I was recently shown a new sex-toy collection for straight couples, a basket of erotic goodies—"lotions and potions!"—clearly designed for women who would rather eat chocolate. Edible strawberry lubricant, vanilla body powder, chocolate genital sprinkles. Lotions and potions? Try frosting.

And, my God, chocolate sprinkles for your cock? How humiliating is that? It's the sex-toy equivalent of "porn for couples," a.k.a. "the porn straight men watch when straight women are watching them watch porn," and it's every dick-shriveling inch as unerotic. Here's the message these tins of frosting send to men: She would put your dick in her mouth if only it tasted less like dick and more like cupcakes.

No more, guys—toss the lotions and potions. It's time to let your dicks be dicks again.

 You Can read the whole article at : http://www.avclub.com/content/savage/mar-14-2007_0

 Men, I have to admit, this is one of the things that certain types of women (immature girls) do that burns me up. Out of all the underhanded tactical war games used in the ongoing battle of the sexes, this is the lowest of the low.


Why does this anger me so?


Well, for many reasons, chief among them being that it is extremely dangerous. This is not to say that a tease deserves to be raped, a man with any sense should run far and fast from a girl like that, not try to score. No, I am saying that a young lady who uses her sexuality to "drive men wild" in order to obtain things, is bound to run into a jerk who is not going to take no for an answer.


Another reason why this gets me hot under the collar is that it undervalues women who may truly wish to abstain from sex for a number of reasons.


Men, who tend to make women pay for the sins of their past lovers just as much, if not moreso, than women do (just ask any bitter male turned asshole because he didn't get to date his cheerleader of choice in high school), won't care if the next girl is a Mormon and trying to save herself for marriage, or the girl who got pregnant at sixteen and who learned to take is slow is just trying to be careful. He will see the woman's desire to wait as game playing due to his prior experiences and will make her "pay" for the vixen who used him before.


I have seen it happen, hell Eddie Murphy did an entire monologue on it, where he actually said that a woman's desire to wait is what makes a man treat her bad. In his stand up routine, RAW, he claimed that it makes a man not like her anymore, so when she finally does give it up, he uses the moment for revenge. Many men amen'ed to that, which pissed me off.

Nice. Very nice,


And he wonders how he got labeled a misogynist.


Just because some idiot girl decides to play games with sex doesn't mean that every girl who wants to wait a while is doing that—-besides, as one jerk off put it to me, "Since it is the girl who can get pregnant, I think it is her sole responsibility alone if she gets knocked up."


Even though dude was trying to explain why he would bail out if he got a girl pregnant—he did have a point.


It is the girl who gets pregnant, so shouldn't she be the gatekeeper to her own body? I mean, when you look at all the kids sitting around without fathers, it is a more than reasonable concern.


If men can't respect that, then they don't need to date.


That said, the whole philosophy of the "Power of the P" is disturbing.


I heard this phrase from an ex-gal pal of mine who I stopped hanging around because of all the trouble making games she liked to play. One of them was the get-a-man-all-excited-and-ditch-him game. I told her to stop doing that crap and she exclaimed, "But it's all about the power of the P baby!"


Disgusting.


Yes, girls like this make it very hard for sincere girls who desire to be virgins until marriage or to sincerely take their time getting to know a guy before they commit their bodies to get treated decently by good men.


All I can say brothers, is don't let skanks like that rob you of giving due respect to a woman who may sincerely be waiting for her own solid reasons. I mean, if the girl has religious reasons, or is trying to get to a place of trust so she won't make you pay for having a horrible ex, shouldn't you give her that time?


Leave the girls who play childish games alone and try to understand the unique needs and concerns a woman has if she says she wants to wait.