So I woke up this morning and it was a pretty normal monday morning. I got out of bed and went to the bathroom to take a piss. As I wiped, I felt a discomfort... an embarassing one. It was a pimple on my butt cheak :( This doesnt happen very often but when it does its so uncomfortable and shamefull, I can barely stand it. Then I got thinking... everyone has zits! EVERYONE!!! And im probably not the first or last one to get it on the ass either. Tons of people out there are living a lie. A clean butt lie. Showering and proper wiping after you shit clearly arent enough to stop this from happening. What bugs me the most is that I cant do a thing about it. Ive tried looking at it using 2 mirrors but it was awkward. Also, I cant imagine poping this zit. It would leave nasty juice between my buns and then when I re-shit, itll get all infected and stuff.

Frankly if youve made it this far its because you are relating to my story. Stop being in denial and eat your vegetables.

Why hello there motherfuckers :)

Its been a while... again. I dunno what the fucking matter is. I just have writers block and I dont find time to do this little thing I do so much anymore. I really wish I had a computer at work. I have so much spare time, I could blog every day, upload content like I used to. Ive been drawing A LOT for the past few months and Im getting better at it so I like it but... Ive been coloring so much that my fingers are starting to hurt in strategic pressure points from the pencil crayons. Plus, im getting a very yucky case of moist hands. I have to roll a tissue and squeeze it in my hand while Im coloring to absorb the moisture. Why am I telling you this? Cause I fuckin feel like it. You love that dont you. meheheheheh

Ive also been spending gargantuous amounts of time on youtube lately. I created an account and started subscribing to awesome shit like the microwave show, sxephil, ctfxc, =3, shanedawsom, shaytards, whatthebuck, cutethingsexploding and many more. Yes, thats a shitload of videos. No, I dont go out much. What do you care? I like my living room a whole fucking lot when nasty canadian winter is pwning the outdoors. Troll on me for it if you please, Ill be amused.

Since ive been watching so many vlogs, I sort of became addicted to the concept and Id really like to start my own. Ive been a blogger for a while but I could try it on camera, evolving with technology... whatever! I just need to start learning editing. If I get started on that project, Ill need to invest in a good camera and some wider hard drive space. Having a nice, performing laptop would solve the problem for me because I could totally do my editing at work since im grabbing my own ass half of the time over there.

So what about you guys. Do you ever follow vlogs or watch nerdy youtube shows where a bunch of guys microwave stuff that isnt even food?

Tasty soups FTW!!!!

You had it coming, asshole! Youre douchier than lord infamous. Youre ugly as sin, your mothers a whore and you have aids. Are you done sucking yet?

i cant get anymore BS out. I like you so its hard to find something believable to write to make you feel like shit. Maybe its because I feel like shit.

This is my first blog in 3 weeks and yeah im not really sorry. I just didnt have time and didnt give enough of a shit to force myself into litterature. Im doing it right now because the weed guy wont call back so I have nothing else to do.

I had a very ordinary christmas and did nothing for new years. Scratch that. I tried the ebaumsworld live chat for the first time on new years. I was there when it turned to midnight and I showed my fugly face on my webcam, just to confirm my gender to a bunch of trolls.

Insurance at work just kicked in and I dont have dental. All what im covered for, dont need it and what I really need, not covered for it. Insurance companies suck (hence the last tyeada blog) and I wish I could blow up Manulife's head office. I have 3 wisdom teeth to get extracted and im not going to be able to afford that on less than 350$ per week. I used to make more but after insurance taken off my pay thats where ill be at. yay :(

So what that means is that I cant be at my job on a long term basis. I NEED dental care and theres no way to afford it on THIS job. I cant wait until all my teeth are rotten so the hospital will pull them all out. Thats gross. Also, if i cant afford dental care, I cant afford false teeth. Dude... I dont want false teeth, dentures are for old people who didnt know better about dental care all those years ago. Im fucked :(

Why oh why isnt dental care included in the health care system?! Why does it have to cost 500$ to pull out a fucking wisdom tooth? Who the fuck can fork out 1500$ when they make less than 1400$ a month? And why does the law force you to take whatever insurance your employer gives you, regardless if the bundle fits your needs?

Fuckin weed guy hasnt returned my 17th pager call of the evening. Ive been waiting 5 hours. My life already sucked and hes not helping me forget about it. He better not be behing bars or I swear to god...

Im going to the Jon Lajoie show on monday in Montreal. Hopefully it wont suck and itll put a colgate smile on my aggravated face.

When I went to work this morning I didnt expect to somewhat re-live the thrill of last fridays xmas party... but I did. When I got to work I went to get my coffee at tim hortons and headed outside for a cig with fellow coworkers. As I make my way inside to the elevator theres this nice mexican family of three who seem to be going to church twice a week waiting by the door. They ask me if I can get a certain lawyer to come and get them as I explain we need a keycard to get in before 9am for security measures. The lawyer theyre looking for is on my floor so I take them up with me.

I told them to take a seat and wait while I went to get their attorney and on my way to her office, I spot the blowup doll Charles got for a gift, bending over Shirleys chair! I think about these 3 very catholic looking people in the waiting section up front and how they have to go through there to get to their lawyers office. My natural self wouldve been thrilled to leave it there for the kicks of obersving the reactions from a distance but this job means a lot to me so my responsible self took over. I grabbed the thing franticly trying to hide it in my coat. Like the entire doll could fit in the coat with me, right!

So I barely make my way to Charles' office as they all walk towards me in the hall. I close the door behind me and give a furious yet amused look to the guy while he makes signs to tell me not to speak because hes on speaker phone with someone important. The words '' dude hide your blow up doll, clients are here'' could not escape my mouth at that precise moment. For some fucking odd and lucky reason no one saw me rushing to hide the sex toy. I asked later on, just to make sure. Charles came out of his office later with the biggest shit eating grin ive seen in a looooong time, all proud of the events hes responsible for.

'' it was such a thrill, dont you think? Lets do it again sometime!!! ''

Yesterday was my office's christmas party under the theme sex, drugs and rock n roll. Considering I work in a law firm I never expected this to happen in the first place but everyone thought it was a great idea so we went for it. We decided to exchange gifts that were fitting the theme and lets just say I dont rememeber ever laughing so much before at any office party!

The guy who came up with the idea was picked by his secretary and she bought him a fucking blow up doll with 3 holes. He inflated the thing and carried her around poking random stuff in her different holes like a cell phone, a wine bottle and the plush giraffe hiding a vibrator in its neck (a present someone else got). That secretary received a giant 15 inch tall dick shaped candle and a bottle of strawberry flavored lube. I should mention the lady is about 60 years old and slightly overweight with thick glasses.

Then we have the vietnamese notary whos married to the portugese lawyer; she received some chinese geisha balls on a string. Everyone was passing them around the table when we had dinner at some fancy restaurant. They would get them to vibrate and throw them to other people! Very classy!

We have this intern from france and hes usually a very shy and quiet guy, he received a box of glow in the dark condoms and a male thong. Some of the girls told him that tradition in quebec when you receive a piece of clothing as a gift is that you have to try it on to see if it fits and to show the person who gave it to you how good it looks on you. So he went to the bathroom and changed underwear, came back to the conference room and he stood in front of the girl who gave him the thong. He said he would honor our tradition and started unbuckling his belt, took his pants off and showed us his hairy ass! People took pictures and filmed it so ill try to have something to post on here!

The gift I got is a blowjob lipgloss. Heres what the box says: Discover the art of ultimate oral pleasure... Apply the your or your lovers lips and experience the joy of giving and receiving the divine sensation of oral pleasure. The warming-cooling effect of the gloss is designed to sensatize and exite both male and female intimate areas while maintaining the sensation level to the edge of an orgasm peak... An unfforgettable erotic experience... Sure to make you ask for more!

At the restaurant one of the lawyers got totally hammered drunk and fell on his ass when he tried to sit down on his way back from the bathroom ( probably puking). Then he fell asleep on the table for half an hour. When we left the restaurant he suddenly wandered away when we were trying to haul a cab for him. So me and 2 others ran after him and put him in the damn cab to make sure he gets home safely.

I had an awesome night out with a great group of people, eating titty cupcakes, cock shaped chocolates and tartar steak. Is it going to be possible to top that next year?

I can count about 10 or 11 bullshit blogs from trizzashow something in the past 3 hours. What the fuck is the matter? Delete them, ban the moron, so something. While we at it, also ban poopkid. And if im not asking for too much, please feature more galleries.

Tasty sandwiches FTW

No shades needed

All my life, ive looked down on sci fi movies. I always thought they were unreal, complicated and extremely boring. Slowly with time ive developped a different approach with films I watch and with a more mature eye I started appreciating deeper and more diversified features. This week end I saw the last Star Trek movie and I fucking loved it!

I always hated star trek as a kid because it was a stupid show my loser uncle would watch while I wanted to pop in my bugs bunny tapes when I was at my grandma's. What made me want to watch it this time is because an actor I really like, Zachary Qinto, was in it. For those of you who wouldnt know he plays Spok. One thing that always amazed me about star trek even tho I hated it was how NEAT the Vulcans eyebrows are. I mean, it has to be all makeuped and shit, they cant shave the actors brows just for the filming. Then they would look like idiots for weeks growing them back. I just cant believe how well theyve done that small thing.

Spok is one of the most obvious characters you first think off when someone says star trek because leonard nemoy was just so great at his role and I thought qinto did a pretty good job. I have no idea what are the general thoughts from the public on that matter because I havent seen any reviews. Im curious to know if the die hard fans like this new spok and what differences they see with the original. Anyway, Nemoy was in this movie as well, playing spok from the future and he was awesome, as always. Im really drawned to the ''no emotions showing'' thing although you can always understand how hes feeling. Its a complicated concept and its done so well, its mind bottling.

Also, I fell off my couch when I realised that both Kal Penn and John Cho are casted in this last star trek movie. How the fuck did Harold and Kumar, 2 burger chasing potheads, score this gig? The only logic explanation I can come with is that they partied with the right people.

At this point im becoming a trekkie or trekker, wich ever is the proper, non derogatory term to use.. and I wanna watch all the first movies.

Hello Utorrent!

Im gonna do a Thank You List because i was inspired by sheza to replenish my karma too.

- rizla rolling papers

-raspberries

-the occasionnal good wrapper at the grocery store

- weight loss

-dark chocolate

-walks in the park on a mild autumn day

-free concert tickets

-free newspaper on the bus

-all freebies for that matter

-old school video games

-dark circles conscealer makeup

-a good cup of coffee for 2$

-hot peppers of all sorts

-pomegranates

-saturday mornings spent playing video games while being totally baked

-adult cartoons

-cheap cell phone plans

-coworkers that give a shit about you

-catching the subway as you get in the station

-buying a McNugget combo and realising that the cashier made a mistake and actually gave you more money back than what you initally gave her.

-movies starring seth rogen

-vinyl records cover art

- the colgate 360 toothbrush with the thingy that scrapes your tongue clean

-very tasty sandwiches

So yesterday morning I was standing on the corner waiting for my bus to work, minding my own business, tolerating the cold air. I mustve been unlucky because it was late again. A white civic honda stopped in front of me on the red light. I didnt even mean to look into the car but it was just so in my face that I couldnt help notice the guys hand tapping on his lap.

At first I honestly thought that he was just enjoying his morning radio beats like every happy guy does. Then my dirty mind started thinking, maybe 10 seconds later and I looked again, foolishly. I didnt have breakfast yet so it was a damn bad idea because the guy was going

FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP FAP !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Horrified, I made a ''ewwww'' face at his small disgusting cock, kicked his car door and spat in his window. Some regular gay dude across the street who had witnessed the whole situation waved at me and then thumbed me up and said: Youre so awesssome, gorgeouszzz!

Then some guy who smelled like shit sat next to on the bus. He was handicapped and most probably had a diaper full of diaherrea. I got nothing else to say about that....

Yesterday Afternoon was pretty funny.

Me- ''Excuse me, Officer but theres a small group of men buying a hooker behind the liquor store!''

Police- ''Ho shit!'' (starts running across the street)

Me and my boyfriend- *shit eating grin*

And that wasnt the only unusually funny event of my day. When I got to work I found myself almost stepping in a chunky pile of puke right before the buildings main entrance. I still ate my lemon-cranberry muffin 5 minutes later but the guy from the book store on the 1st floor almost passed out when he saw it. He was grossed out, frustrated and extremely funny.

Then when I got to my floor the security system kept beeping. When I get in at 8:45 theres always someone there so I never have to deal with the alarm. I dont even have a pin code for it so I started getting worried that something had happened and I was totally unprepared to deal with the central wich I didnt have the number for or anything. I went to the 5th floor and asked the other receptionist for help. She had to call the central and shit and finally it was only the cleaning crew who had messed up and actived the door signal. Things is, a lot of people pass by the reception and in front of the elevator so the damn thing was going off ever 30 seconds and it started to piss people off when I finally got there at 8:45.

Then some prisonner in Kuujuuaq collect called the office 13 times in 3 hours. His lawyer told me not to accept the charges because hes mentally ill, a pain in the ass and doesnt want to talk to him about anything. At some point, instead of his name, he started yelling, so it sounded something like: You have a collect call from '' I wanna talk to my fucking lawyer now underst...'' -do you accept the charges? It started to be even more entertaining when his lawyer found out and said: that fat retarded fuck is doing 6 years for alomost killing someone and theres nothing I can do for him because hes totally mental so next time he calls, take the charges and pass him to me. Hes gonna miss his mom after im done with him.

In the afternoon another weird client showed up to see his lawyer claiming he had an appointment when in fact he really didnt. He sat there for half an hour having conversations with peole only HE can see and hear. He left after I called his lawyers cell phone 4 times with no answer even though I told him when he got there that he was in court all day.

I finished that day weirded out and a little tired but luckily, it was not snowing...

Ive been slacking off lately and I apologize for letting down those who claims my writing. Ive posted a few galleries tho and one of them got featured giving me my first featured pictures and raising my points to the contributor level. Milestones.

Its been 3 weeks now since I started my new job and people have been asking non-stop if I like it and it was pretty awkward because it takes time to make up your mind about a new job. Youre not gonna fully realise what it entails in the first week. At this point I can tell you that its great. Helping lawyers and notaries to communicate with their clients is so much more interessting and rewarding than collecting cell phone bills! Most of the lawyers want me to call them by their first name now and they are actually very nice people. Of course, theres IS the occasionnal bitch. Bitches are everywhere but they are a very small minority and I dont see them everyday because they mostly work from home or on the road.

I get a fair amount of random asian people calling so I was tought a few words in chinese by Notary Truong: Ley Kong Jong Mane? It means: Do you speak chinese - If they say yes, then its a client of hers for sure. If theyre confused, its for the vietnamese notary, Mrs Nguyen!

I love how convineant everything is for me at this job. Like the bus I catch on the corner of my street that drops me of in front of my work place in exactly 7 minutes and gets me home for 5:13 (i finish at 5) every night. I love that theres a tim hortons on the first floor of my building so I dont even have to go outside to get coffee during the day. I love having pictures of my cats and my sis on my desk and not having those moved around and damaged by some asshole part timer using my desk. I adore bringing my psp to work and listen to my personnal playlist. And its pretty awesome to leave work half an hour earlier every friday and still getting paid until 5.

I have so much free time during work that I could bring a laptop over there and start writing a novel. Receptionnists on each floor have their activities, whether its knitting slippers or scrapbooking. I like to read rock music magz like guitar world and such or do some crossword puzzles. Yes, half of the time im actually being paid to read about music and do games.

Some of my lawyers travel up north to go defend native americans in Kuujjuak, Kuujjurapik and George-River, so sometimes I receive a collect call from some violent alcoholic rapist and Im allowed to be rude to them. Thats customer service the way I like it. Those who have to defend these guys tell me shamelessly that their clients are assholes and should be treated like so! It feels great to be able to tell someones whos been calling 5 times a day that hes fucking annoying and needs to stop bothering me. '' Just go sit in your cell and wait for monday and your lawyers gonna be there to talk to. Until then, if you collect call me ill refuse the charges''

Im looking forward to the christmas party in 4 weeks. I dont have to pay a dime for shit and its gonna be great: wine tasting and a 5 course, very posh dinner cooked by one of Montreal's hottest new chefs. Hes a friend of a lawyers, ah connections! Ill probably have more shit to talk about before that in my next blog. Maybe ill tell you about trick or treating with my sis. Havent done it it 7 years now. Otherwise my Bday is coming up on november 10 but since my best friend now lives up north, there probably wont be a big party unless he comes down here.

Aunt platy loves you!

P.S. My boyfriends sister had her second child last week so im technically her aunt...

I havent been on much lately. Some were happy (you fucks) but others missed me. Since I like people who care, im gonna update you on whats been going on in my life lately thats kept me away from this whore of a site... hee hee hee hee hee....

So I started looking for jobs again in mid august. If you wanna know why I was off work, just look for the blog where i explain my fucking burn out and leave me alone. So yeah, things were slow going at first. I usually find a job within 1 or 2 weeks or barely searching but not this time. I guess there really is a recession of some sort! Thats why I had to put more effort into it, keeping me away from entertainment like blogs and stupid photos.

I was actually hired by a supermarket, the first place i got interviewd for but they offered me a clerks position in the deli and cheese department when I applied as the manager. I said no thanks because it was going to be a shitty schedule on a shittier salary (9$/hour is BULL). Then, last week I got an interview for a small internet provider to be a tech support. I went and tried it for a day and I really didnt like it. Those guys were so messy, there was stuff and old food on their desks everywhere. Also, they had no procedures or work ethic, wich meant you pretty much had to create your own call flow. I know stuff about computers and internet and they told me they would teach me how to repare connections but I highly doubted the quality of their training. Hell I doubted the quality of that company's everything!!! Since I had received about 4 calls for interviews during that day, I decided not to go back. My options started to open.

On tuesday I had 3 interviews lined up during my day. I was confident that things were about to change and I would find something great. Well at 8am, a lady called me from an interview I had 2 weeks before for a position as a receptionnist in a lawyers cabinet. They hired another girl and after 2 days she found it was too stressful for her and quit. I was apparently their second choice out of 30 applicants so they offered the job and I said yes and got there the very next hour to start training. The girl Im replacing was to leave on september 30th, wich gave me only 2 days to learn everything so she was nice enough to stay until friday so I could have a fair chance at learning it all right.

So what I do basically is sitting at this desk and take calls for 25 lawyers. Sometimes ill transfer those calls to them directly, other times ill just direct the person to a voicemail or take a message on paper. I receive and distribute their faxes and their mail and when a client shows up, I announce them to their attorney. Things can go very busy at times with 5 or 6 calls to take at once and then it can be dead for half an hour so I can eat a snack, read or whatever. I dont have a computer there because none of these lawyers want email messages so no internetz on the job, although one of the lawyers assistant lets me use her puter during lunch time if I wanna. Yesterdays lunch was offered to me by the law firm. We had bakery bread, brie cheese, proscuitto and red wine. Yes, I was offered a glass of fucking wine on the job, i am not shitting you.

Im damn proud to have landed this sweet and rewarding job so be proud with me or go fuck yourself.

Love, aunt Platy ;)

Inspired by Tomlets ass kicking story. When I was 12 years old, I had just started the 6th grade in a new school. The summer just before that, I had an operation to my left hip for a bone problem. So long story short, I was on crutches for almost 3 months so when I started at my new school, everyone knew me as the new girl on crutches.

By late november I started walking again and the first snow came upon us the same week. So on that beautiful snowy morning, my friends and I were all exited to go outside for recess and make snowangels and shit. We were having a blast until this super tall, dare I say black, 5th grader came to us asking if Im the one who threw a snowball at him.

That guy was the stereotypical rapper badass boy, he was 5'11, just turned 11 years old and had horror movie eyes. I was trying to be confident, yet nice and told him we didnt throw any snowballs, we were just making snowmen and snowangels and shit. I also added that I would never try to piss off someone whos clearly stronger than me. For some reason that got him pissed. I dont think he believed us either.

He punched me right in the middle of my fucking face! my nose and mouth were bleeding. Luckily enough, my nose wasnt broken but my lip was open and bleeding like a motherfucker. Things got all weird and blurry for a few minutes. I remember my two friends sorta panicking and helping me stay on my feet and taking me to the principals office.

When we got there, the old bitch was typing on her computer and ignored us for almost 2 minutes(wich is long when your face hurts and your just a kid) before she looked at us and asked with the most innocent tone: What can I do for you girls?

I looked at her with lightening in my eyes and my 12 year old mouth spilled the words: Are you fucking with me you stupid bitch? Im bleeding from the face all over your desk so you should see whats wrong with me here. And how about giving me a damn tissue, the box is just over there behind you!

After lecturing me for my tone, she asked what happened, had me get fixed by the school nurse, called my mom and believe or not, made me go back in class. Everyone was staring at my swollen face. My teacher couldnt even get the kids attention. Thats when I told the guy sitting next to me to stop staring or take a picture because he was annoying me to no end. My teacher then told me thats the kind of attitude that got me in the very situation I was in. She made me extremely mad to say the least because she didnt even hear what happened.

I was excused to go meet the principal again when my mom got there and she told us that if the guy was pissed enough to punch me, I had to have done something to deserve it so we were declared both guilty and both suspended for a week. My mom couldnt believe it... I couldnt belive it...

We got home and at supper that night my stepdad joined the conversation about us moving to the suburbs. I never went back to that school and we moved a few weeks after. Thats when we got our first house and at the same time, our foster home for elderly handicapped people. But thats a whole other story.

Its egg-bacon-and-cheese sandwich time :P