http://www.ebaumsworld.com/ReTaRdSmArT Latest media uploaded to eBaums World by ReTaRdSmArT en-us Mon, 13 Oct 2008 00:32:49 -0400 Mon, 13 Oct 2008 00:32:49 -0400 667025 Mon, 23 Jun 2008 19:00:53 -0400 Added: 2008-06-23 19:00:53
one time i was like coooooollll..........and my friend was like yeaaaahhhh.....LLOOOLLLL ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/667025/ a very bad jokeworst ever one time i was like coooooollll..........and my friend was like yeaaaahhhh.....LLOOOLLLL 661784 Sat, 21 Jun 2008 20:25:25 -0400 Added: 2008-06-21 20:25:25
Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/661784/ old aunts Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. 661781 Sat, 21 Jun 2008 20:16:49 -0400 Added: 2008-06-21 20:16:49
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off. And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow. Help me to always give 100% at work: 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, 5% on Friday. And help me to remember: When I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me. ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/661781/ 4 muscles Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, and the wisdom to hide the bodies of those I had to kill because they pissed me off. And also, help me to be careful of the toes I step on today, as they may be connected to the ass that I may have to kiss tomorrow. Help me to always give 100% at work: 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, 5% on Friday. And help me to remember: When I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me. 436070 Fri, 23 May 2008 17:30:31 -0400 Added: 2008-05-23 17:30:31
There were these three men, their names were Shit,Shut up , and Manners. one day they were riding in their car and Shit fell out so ,Manners went out to pick shit up and shut up went to the police station. when he got there the police officer said "What's your name.son?" and shut up said "Shut up." and the officer said "Ummm...excuse me?!" and shut up said "Shut up!" and the officer said "Boy, where's your manners?" and shut up said "Half a mile down the road picking up Shit!" ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/436070/ shit manners and shut up There were these three men, their names were Shit,Shut up , and Manners. one day they were riding in their car and Shit fell out so ,Manners went out to pick shit up and shut up went to the police station. when he got there the police officer said "What's your name.son?" and shut up said "Shut up." and the officer said "Ummm...excuse me?!" and shut up said "Shut up!" and the officer said "Boy, where's your manners?" and shut up said "Half a mile down the road picking up Shit!" 361380 Sun, 27 Apr 2008 12:38:28 -0400 Added: 2008-04-27 12:38:28
On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you 20 years." But man said: "Only 20 years? Could you possibly give me my 20, the 40 the cow gave back, the 10 the monkey gave back, and the 10 the dog gave back?" "Okay," said God, "You asked for it." So that is why for our first 20 years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next 40 years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next 10 years we do tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last 10 years we sit on the front porch,drool, and bark at everyone. ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/361380/ the meaning of life part 2 On the fourth day, God created man and said: "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you 20 years." But man said: "Only 20 years? Could you possibly give me my 20, the 40 the cow gave back, the 10 the monkey gave back, and the 10 the dog gave back?" "Okay," said God, "You asked for it." So that is why for our first 20 years we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next 40 years we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next 10 years we do tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last 10 years we sit on the front porch,drool, and bark at everyone. 361378 Sun, 27 Apr 2008 12:37:01 -0400 Added: 2008-04-27 12:37:01
on the 1st day God created a dog and said "Sit all day by your house,drool, and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.Then,you will live 20 years." The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only 10 years and I'll give you back the other 10?" So God agreed. On the 2nd day, God created a monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. Then, you will live 20-years ." The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for 20 years? That's a pretty long time to perform. what if I give you back 10 like the dog did?" And God agreed. On the 3rd day, God created a cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. Then, you will live for 60 years." The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. How about 20 and I'll give back the other 40?" And God agreed agai ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/361378/ the meaning of life part-1 on the 1st day God created a dog and said "Sit all day by your house,drool, and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.Then,you will live 20 years." The dog said: "That's a long time to be barking. How about only 10 years and I'll give you back the other 10?" So God agreed. On the 2nd day, God created a monkey and said: "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. Then, you will live 20-years ." The monkey said: "Monkey tricks for 20 years? That's a pretty long time to perform. what if I give you back 10 like the dog did?" And God agreed. On the 3rd day, God created a cow and said: "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. Then, you will live for 60 years." The cow said: "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for 60 years. How about 20 and I'll give back the other 40?" And God agreed agai 361340 Sun, 27 Apr 2008 12:15:28 -0400 Added: 2008-04-27 12:15:28
Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, "We don't want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit?" The mother told them, "Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours." So the nuns left thinking, "What can I do that's unholy?" The next day they went to the mother one at a time. The mother said to the first nun, "What unholy thing did you do?" The nun replied, "I stole a kid's bike." The mother said, "I guess that will do, go drink some holy water." When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent. The second nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The nun replied, "I slept with a married man!" The mother said, "Well, that's sinning. Go drink holy water." The third nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The third nun said proudly, "I pissed in t ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/361340/ pee water Three nuns decided to quit so they went to the Mother Superior and said, "We don't want to be nuns anymore, how do we quit?" The mother told them, "Do something unholy and come back here in 24 hours." So the nuns left thinking, "What can I do that's unholy?" The next day they went to the mother one at a time. The mother said to the first nun, "What unholy thing did you do?" The nun replied, "I stole a kid's bike." The mother said, "I guess that will do, go drink some holy water." When the nun did she wasn't a nun anymore and she left the convent. The second nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The nun replied, "I slept with a married man!" The mother said, "Well, that's sinning. Go drink holy water." The third nun walked in and the mother said, "What unholy thing did you do?" The third nun said proudly, "I pissed in t 358851 Sat, 26 Apr 2008 14:39:06 -0400 Added: 2008-04-26 14:39:06
A mother was pregnant with triplets (2 girls and a boy). one day, she received 3 bullets in her stomach. miraculously all three of her kids survived. one day the daughter goes up to her. "Mommy, mommy! I was taking a piss and I tinked out a bullet!" "It's a long story," the mother said. "I'll tell you later." A few minutes later, the other daughter comes shouting, "Mommy, mommy!" "let me guess," the mother says. "You were taking a piss and you tinked out a bullet." "But mommy, how did you know?" "it's a long story, I'll tell you later." A few hours later the son comes up yelling,"Mommy, mommy!" "Let me guess: you were taking a piss and tinked out a bullet." "well not exactly. I was feeling on about myself and I shot the dog!" ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/358851/ mommy mommy! A mother was pregnant with triplets (2 girls and a boy). one day, she received 3 bullets in her stomach. miraculously all three of her kids survived. one day the daughter goes up to her. "Mommy, mommy! I was taking a piss and I tinked out a bullet!" "It's a long story," the mother said. "I'll tell you later." A few minutes later, the other daughter comes shouting, "Mommy, mommy!" "let me guess," the mother says. "You were taking a piss and you tinked out a bullet." "But mommy, how did you know?" "it's a long story, I'll tell you later." A few hours later the son comes up yelling,"Mommy, mommy!" "Let me guess: you were taking a piss and tinked out a bullet." "well not exactly. I was feeling on about myself and I shot the dog!" 358829 Sat, 26 Apr 2008 14:33:56 -0400 Added: 2008-04-26 14:33:56
you've GOT to see this! ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/view/358829/ demotivotional posterlol-catrandom stuff you've GOT to see this! 358819 Sat, 26 Apr 2008 14:25:29 -0400 Added: 2008-04-26 14:25:29
dramatic ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/pictures/view/358819/ dramatic cat is... dramatic