Last night I was driving home with my wife. On the way home she was nagging me about my driving. Now, I dont know whats up with women being backseat drivers but I always keep my mouth shut when she is driving because I want to keep my nuts. Its like a double standard. Anyway, I was driving (perfectly) along when my wife yelled, "slow down, theres a cop up a head!" Now I dont know what you guys do but when my wife yelled, I panicked! So I put on the breaks and that made the cop notice me even more. Needless to say the cop pulled me over. When the officer walked to my window I asked, "whats the problem officer?" The officer replied, "you were going 65 in a 55 zone." I sincerely replied," No, my speedometer said 55." But then my wife said to me, "now you know you were going 70." My jaw just about hit the floorboard. Just before I could say anything the office stated, "I'm also giving you a ticket for the broken taillight." I replied, "A broken taillight? Im sorry I didnt know I had one!" Then my wife spoke up and said," You know you had one for weeks now." I was about to slap the bitch. Then the officer said he was going to give me another ticket for not wearing my seatbelt! I told him I just took it off as he was walking to the car when my wife told the officer I never wear one! This time I was so enraged I yelled "SHUT YOUR DAMN MOUTH! Then the officer asked my wife..."does he always talk to you like this?" My wife replied, "No...only when hes been drinking."

I met the love of my life when I was a freshmen in highschool. We both met at a party and we both hit it off. Everyone threw highschool said we would never last. After highschool we both had to go our separate ways. I was attenting a college 500 miles from where she was attending college. We made arrangments to meet every weekend but threw our freshmen year in college we were meeting less and less. I wrote to her everyday but the responses I recieved were few and far between.  I sent her flowers one day and then finally got a response. When I opened the letter I seen a picture of her giving a guy a bj! There was a note that stated "leave me alone". I was so crushed I didnt know what to do.  So I resent the letter to her mom. When her mom opened the letter she seen her daughter giving a guy a bj and a note that stated "need more money".

One year I recieved a bike from my father for christmas. Well, my mom thought it was so nice she made me write him a letter thanking him for it. So here is my letter...

Dear Dad,

Thank you so much for my new bike. I have been riding it everyday...until I wrecked it. I feel really bad but I hit ice and I couldnt stop. I went right threw the intersection. Dont worry, the driver in the car that hit me is doing ok. But the bike was crushed under the wheels. The doctors told me I am going to be fine as long as I dont move my limbs. Its ok though, they told me I broke all my limbs so I wont beable to move them anyways.  Im sorry I wrecked the bike. It looked really expensive. As soon as I get my knew leg, I will mow your lawn all summer. Anyways, the nurse is rushing into my room. I guess they forgot to replace the oxygen tanks. Silly.They are also running to get a "crashcart" (whatever that is?). Anyways, got to go now, Im feeling pretty tired. Sorry again for wrecking the bike.

Your son,

Tim