All that i ask while you peruse this blog is that you keep an open mind to the points raised, they are not necessarily fact (yet) but are interesting to illustrate what life could be or is like. This is going to be a long slog.....

I often wonder, as we as a people continue to strive forwards constantly bettering ourselves with true feats of human endeavour, whether or not in-fact we are actually progressing.

Sure, on the surface, it can be argued that in terms of achievements it seems that the human race are breaking forward and consistantly striving in many fields, such as science, medicine and maths to name but a few. However as i think more and more about this, i think, that we are seeing a distorted picture of the evolution and overall forward motion in terms of strength. It cannot be argued that in terms of mental capacities, us humans are excelling at an amazing rate of knots. What we need to do however is look at different areas and ask ourselves are we developing in those areas too?

8000 years ago, homo sapiens (not necessarily in exactley the same form as they take today) required not only strength but also brains and cunning to survive. If they didn't have either of these, chances are they are dead. No ifs no buts. This essentially is natural selection at its finest, as Hurricane No. 1 said, 'only the strongest will survive'. Great, fantastic, we are breeding a race of superior beings who continue to grow ever stronger. Who knows, one day they might invent religion (but that is another blog), the wheel or internal combustion. But what happens, when the race in question becomes so powerful that they have total dominence? They have no natural predators? They don't need to be fit? Does 'Devolution' occur?

Back in the stone age, if a person was born handicapped in one way or another, chances are they would die. No carers, no crutches, nothing. Fast forward to today, where we have the capabilities, time and reason to help those born at a disadvantage to survive. We are not obliged to help those less fortunate than ourselves to live (unless you live in France and are bound under the 'Good Samaritan Rule' for omissions), yet we continue to do so. This is fantastic, I'm sure we'll all get into heaven. My point, however, is this, as more and more humans with disabilities live to be older and older the human race is possibly growing slowly weaker. I am NOT suggesting for one moment that it is wrong or bad for people with disabilities, be it mental or physical to pro-create. I am merely saying that the human race weakens. Though this may not be noticable at present, one day i am sure it will be. Be that 1,000 years, or 1,000,000 years. The weakening is a purely physical thing as our mental capacity and achievement (seemingly) continues to grow.

This is the point to go stretch your legs, make some coffee, feed the dog etc.

Now for the second part of my (long) blog. Carrying the minority. People who have a disability, are the only minority in my mind who have the right to expect a little bit more in return from the majority. And rightly so, they say 'spreading the cost of christmas' makes it easier to deal with, well spreading the pain of living with a disability works in much the same way. We all give a tiny amount more so a small amount of people can go somewhere closer to living a more normal, pain-free life. That is fair. 100%.

I am unable to think of another minority group whose 'needs' should be allowed to inconvenience the majority. I have absolutely zero sympathy or empathy with the so-called action-groups who stand about on Thursday lunchtimes, in the rain, waving flimsy cardboard at council buildings, getting their sandals wet. You're a lost cause, you're the minority, you might not like this, but it's a fact. Now live with it. In the great words of Jeremy Clarkson-

''I do not understand why my poll tax bill in Fulham should be nearly £500 a year when i just know that a huge chunk of that will be spent on weirdos. Like most people, i want my bin emptying, the street lighting on, the schools open and the police doing some arresting. And that's about it.

What we have instead is pot-holed roads, council officials who won't answer the telephone, rampant truancy and a police force who can never get to the scene of a crime because of all the dog turds on the pavement. Oh and some immensely wealthy Cypriot lesbians''.

This is the truth however, and it is becoming more and more evident in society today, minorities with a chip on their shoulder, expecting the hardworking majority to fund their lifestyle.

 Case in point, the recently arrived Afghan family who have been living in a £1.2 million London mansion courtesy of the British tax-payer. Despite not working, they get over £170,000 per year handouts from the government. Kind of ironic then that war veteran Marcus Kilpatrick is living rough just yards away, let down by the same country who he fought for and paid taxes to.

All in all, the government and in particualr local councils should let us decide whether we want to spend our money on gay Eastern Mediterranean types or not. Me?

I think you know the answer to that already.

I was watching the television the other day, specifically the news and something struck me as odd. How much British news airtime is spent covering the US presidential election.

Now fair enough, the race to be the most (arguably) powerful single being in the world warrants a certain amount of time being spent discussing the topic on the news. The amount of time it does recieve however is (in my opinion) a bit excessive, it is literally the first news item shown every day and gets a 5-10 minute slot in a 30 minute programme. Fair enough you might say, if it is a slow day for news or something particularly interesting has taken place in the campaigns, but this is not the case, there is plenty of very important economical news to report on, which should trump Palin's visit to a retirement home in Ohio or whatever she chooses to do now.

With all the coverage we are getting over here, on this side of the pond, i am getting to know a bit about the candidates, their vice-henchmen/women etc. Which made me think, do Americans know the British candidates? When Gordon Ramsay was voted the most influential person in the UK, i am guessing not.

So please America prove me wrong, who are these people?

Just a re-post of this weeks pub quiz questions, week ending this sunday 26th October 2008. Here are the questions and good luck.

1- Vaseline is a trademark for what?

2- What does UHT in milk stand for?

3- Envelope, basket and burner are 3 main parts of what?

4- The christmas tree in Trafalgar Square, England is a gift from which country?

5- When is the 'Feast of Stephen'?

6- On the flags of which 2 countries would you find the most stars?

7- What does 'alibi' literally mean?

8- Which commercial chain is named after a character in Moby Dick and has a ouble-tailed mermaid as the main feature of its logo?

9- What colour (color) is zero on a roulette wheel?

10- What is the official language of Pakistan?

11- What does '3G' stand for (in reference to mobile/cell phones)?

12- Which organisation has the motto: 'Fidelity, Bravery and Integrity'?

13- What is a more common name for a polygraph?

14- Which country joined the then 'G7' to make it 'G8'?

15- What is 'ataxia'?

Picture Round-

1-

2-

3-

4-

5-

Thankyou, good luck and remember PERSONAL MESSAGE form.

Ok, i know that my blog entitled' The WORST pain' was pretty comprehensive in summing up just about the worst pain imaginable to males.

The other day however i got told a story about a bloke my friend knows who had possibly the worst accident at work ever imagined, i mean most people wouldn't wish this on their worst enemies.

Ok the story is, some guy was working on a building site, specifically on the scaffolding (just in case Americans call it something different here is an example picture).

So anyway, he was working on the scaffolding and he was one story up. Now it was common-place for the workmen to jump off the scaffolding, rather than go down the ladder (they did so by lowering themselves down as far as possible then dropping the further 2 meters or whatever).

On this day however, things did not go to plan. It was brew time (time for a break and a cup of tea) and he downed his tools and jumped from the scaffolding. Now prepare yourselves for the reality of what i'm about to say. He landed on a brush (handle up) left by one of the labourers. Now, he did not land on his leg, or his arm, no no no, that would have been a walk in the park compared to the reality. He did in fact land on his ass.

The brush handle went up his ass a good two feet.

It caused massive internal injuries.

The circumtances of the injury made the whole situation worse. A builder is a pretty 'macho' job, so imagine having your anal virginity taken away in front of your workmates by a broom handle.

Whilst he was on the floor, he couldn't move around for fear of the brush handle damaging any more internal organs. They sawed the handle off, leaving a 10 inch 'wooden tail' and carted him off to hospital.

He eventually, after hours of surgery and a lengthy stay in hospital, made a full (well as full as you ever could get considering what happened to him) recovery.

He did however emigrate 2 weeks after being released from hospital.

Now that is another pain i would NOT like to endure.

This is just a quick note to put an idea out there.

The inspiration came from Google's new feature, the weekend and evening e-mail drunk-block thing. The one where users have to take a simple maths test in order to be able to open their account.

This, they hope, will reduce the amount of (regretable) drunken e-mails sent.

Now my idea is this, before anyone is allowed to post in the blog section, they must take a literacy and english writing skills 'test'. We have all seen the terribly written blogs and i'm sure that i'm not alone in wanting to correct this tolerance of stupidity. I'm sure we all have certain 'users' in mind.

Now this test could be set at an 'appropriate' level and would (hopefully) prevent total morons posting dog-wank blogs that just get deleted.

I know it wouldn't prevent people who passed the 'test' from posting shit, but hopefully the rubbish blogs would be reduced due to less 'tards being present.

Anyone have any thoughts and/or improvements?

jmc1.

Here are the answers for last weeks pub quiz, followed by this weeks questions.

1- What is the most common last name in the world? Chang/Zhang.

2- What usually moves clockwise at about 12m per second? A (mexican) Wave.

3- On average, how many women does 007 sleep with per film? 2.

4- For what purpose was the crown of the empire state building originally built? Airship Dock.

5- What would you be eating if you ordered LENGUA in Spain? Tongue.

6- What is the only food a cockroach won't eat? Pickle.

7- What is the only dog that is allowed to give testimony in a US court? Bloodhound.

8- Where in the world is the oldest surviving library? The Vatican.

9- Which car make translates as 'people's car'? Volkswagen.

10- Plus or minus 2, how many bones are there in the human body? 206.

11- Researchers from the National Society for Epilepsy praised which 2003 film for its realistic portrayal of amnesia? Finding Nemo.

12- Who wrote the Verves hit song 'bittersweet symphony'? Richard Ashcroft.

13- What would you need to have in order to read one of Leonardo Da Vinci's manuscripts? A mirror.

14- In 1950, which were the only two cities to have over 10 million inhabitants? London & NYC.

15- Who had a parrot that was taught to say 'Fuck Hitler and fuck the nazis'? Winston Churchill

Picture round-

1-

 Steve Buscemmi.

2-

 David Cameron.

3-

 John Daly.

4-

 Keith Flint.

5-

'Chemical Ali'.

Winner- Megalomaniacal

Best 2 answers-

-#7: Scooby Doo.

-#4: a "fuck you" symbol to the rest of the world cuz new yorkers are pricks.

Congratulations.

Now;

Pub Quiz 2-

There are a few rules:-

- Do NOT look answers up on the internet!

- Submit answers in personal message form!

- Please, please, please don't take it too seriously, it's just a bit of fun!

1- Vaseline is a trademark for what?

2- What does UHT in milk stand for?

3- Envelope, basket and burner are 3 main parts of what?

4- The christmas tree in Trafalgar Square, England is a gift from which country?

5- When is the 'Feast of Stephen'?

6- On the flags of which 2 countries would you find the most stars?

7- What does 'alibi' literally mean?

8- Which commercial chain is named after a character in Moby Dick and has a ouble-tailed mermaid as the main feature of its logo?

9- What colour (color) is zero on a roulette wheel?

10- What is the official language of Pakistan?

11- What does '3G' stand for (in reference to mobile/cell phones)?

12- Which organisation has the motto: 'Fidelity, Bravery and Integrity'?

13- What is a more common name for a polygraph?

14- Which country joined the then 'G7' to make it 'G8'?

15- What is 'ataxia'?

Picture Round-

1-

2-

3-

4-

5-

Thankyou, good luck and remember PERSONAL MESSAGE form.

From this day forward, sunday shall be pub quiz day!

I will be submitting a quiz every sunday (for as long as it is appreciated and as long as i can be bothered).

 There are a few rules:-

- Do NOT look answers up on the internet!

- Submit answers in personal message form!

- Please, please, please don't take it too seriously, it's just a bit of fun!

Now, eyes down, pencils sharpened, heads in gear, i will begin.

1- What is the most common last name in the world?

2- What usually moves clockwise at about 12m per second?

3- On average, how many women does 007 sleep with per film?

4- For what purpose was the crown of the empire state building originally built?

5- What would you be eating if you ordered LENGUA in Spain?

6- What is the only food a cockroach won't eat?

7- What is the only dog that is allowed to give testimony in a US court?

8- Where in the world is the oldest surviving library?

9- Which car make translates as 'people's car'?

10- Plus or minus 2, how many bones are there in the human body?

11- Researchers from the National Society for Epilepsy praised which 2003 film for its realistic portrayal of amnesia?

12- Who wrote the Verves hit song 'bittersweet symphony'?

13- What would you need to have in order to read one of Leonardo Da Vinci's manuscripts?

14- In 1950, which were the only two cities to have over 10 million inhabitants?

15- Who had a parrot that was taught to say 'Fuck Hitler and fuck the nazis'?

Picture round-

1-

2-

3-

4-

5-

Thats all for this week.

Winners, best answers and correct answers will be posted next sunday with the next Pub Quiz!

So i just went out and bought the new I-Pod Nano 16 GB!

This came after my old Nano broke- it was well and truly friar tucked!

I must say however that the new one is completely sweet! A really good piece of kit!

Just a quick question though, to anyone 'in the know'-

Does anyone know how to put films from DVD onto an I-Pod?

Thanks in advance.

I keep hearing a certain phrase repeated on the news. And it puzzles me. The phrase is concerned with the current banking crisis, and the the subsequent 'payout deal' Britain is considering.

The phrase in question is ''... the biggest payout deal in British peacetime.''

But we're not really in peacetime, are we. Have the news already forgotten that we are still at war in Iraq and Afghanistan?

This, the same news who relentlessly reported on the war until two more 'newsworthy' items came along- Obama v McCain and The so-called 'credit crisis'. True, the war still gets a mention, but that begs the question- if they are aware the war is going on, how can they think it is peacetime?

Whenever a country enters into a war where it's armed services are on active duty, it ceases to be 'peacetime'. So how could our great news, mighty-all-knowing news have forgotten Iraq and Afghanistan already? News concerning the deaths of our service men and women?

Im sure the people of Afghanistan and Iraq don't consider themselves to be in peacetime, it may be better than it was before allied occupation, but people. We are a long way from living in hallowed 'peacetime'.

I'm sorry if that was boring kids, but it just struck me as odd that the media would use a phrase like that, when anyone with half a brain would realise that no, we aren't in peacetime.

Well the day has finally come. And i must say it has been a long time coming. My I-Pod has finally broken (i think).

I am going to throw the question out there just incase anyone can help?

Here is the predicament-

When i plug my I-Pod (nano) into my computer, it says 'please wait, very low battery'. However, no matter how long i leave it plugged in for, it displays the same message. So i tried plugging it into the wall, and give it some juice from there. When i did that, it said it was charging. However, as soon as i unplugged it, it displayed the same message as before.

So i try using the whole I-Pod reset thing (holding menu and centre button) . No result.

Tried playing a song whilst the I-Pod is plugged into the wall, then unplugging it. It died again.

It seems as though it won't charge properly =[.

Any ideas anyone?

Thanks in advance.

So guys, try and think of the worst pain a man and woman can experience.

Women- I'm sure that you are thinking of childbirth.

Men- I'm sure that you are thinking of what i think you're thinking of.

Now this story is aimed principally at men, although women feel free to comment as well.

My brother told me this story, its an old rugby tale.

A bloke went in for a tackle during a game of rugby but landed funny and dislocated his hip. The game had to be stopped and the ambulance had to be called. Once the paramedics had arrived, they prepared to 'pop' his leg back in to place.

What no-one knew however was that during the tackle and the subsequent 'dodgy landing', as his hip dislocated, one of his balls slid up into his body, and into his hip joint.

Take a moment to think about this. Two paramedics preparing to 'pop' his hip back into place, the only thing in its way, was one of his bollocks.

So they prepared him for what they described as a brief pain followed by a sense of relief. And then on thre 1,2,3... 'pop'.

The poor geezer screamed so loud that he tore his vocal chords.

Childbirth? Pah!

After reading WOWomg's blog on Oreos the other day, i thought i would share my experience with a relatively ''un-British'' food.

As i'm sure you know, a lot of foods which are popular in the USA are rare in Britain (if they are available at all). Now Oreos have fairly recently made their way over the pond and everyone seems to be loving them.

No qualms there.

Now here it comes, for the first time ever the other day, i tried Peanut Butter.

Never again.

It tasted like pure hell, i was expecting it to taste like a dime/ daim bar (do you have those in USA? Sort of like Peanut Brittle), which i might add are top-drawer. But no, it was like the complete opposite, American TV has given me false hopes for this food of satan. It was like licking a welding torch. I only had a small teaspoon full and yet i was retching. Its not like i don't like strong flavours either, i like marmite (vegemite) for God sakes! But seriously?

No! It won't do.

All of the American-TV-references to PB+J sandwiches, i thought gave it a good press and when my friend offered me some, i jumped at the chance to try it for the first time. They did offer one word of warning- 'It is a bit dry'. Being a fool i ignored that advice. By the way, is it regular to put chalk in peanut butter? Because that is what it felt like. My mouth felt like the Ghobi dessert, that is if the Ghobi dessert tasted of evil and battery acid.

So i ask you this, what is the draw to peanut butter which seems to grip the USA?

This is the culinary equivalent of Pyramid schemes, drawing you in with tempting offers and marketing then when you commit, BAM! A one-way ticket to retch-ville. The draw is there, something a bit new, a bit different, a bit American- it must be good for fucks sake!

But it was just a lie, it was bad, really bad. Can anyone explain if and why they like peanut butter?

jmc1 says- 'Give me fish and chips anyday'.

16)- Turn your house into a gym: Jogging up the stairs, press-ups off the window ledge, chin-ups from the door frame. Christ, it's just like Linda Hamilton when she's locked up in that mental home in Terminator 2. Except, of course, that Linda Hamilton didn't break all her ribs when 'bench-pressing the sofa' went a bit wrong.

15)- Make 'squeeling brake' noises driving in the car: Perhaps not so strange in itself, were it not for the accompanying Murray Walker- style commentary- who seems to sound a bit more like 'South African David Bowie' when he gets excited.

14)- Explore the darker depths of online pornography: Just what kind of sick bastard do they make this stuff for? Who in their right mind would get off on this filth? I mean, can squids even survive on land? Let alone... (unzip)

13)- Read OK! magazine: And find yourself thinking about how life might be easier if you were a total moron who only wanted to hang around with a woman in a matching outfit, while battling away soft-soap questions about wedding plans. Hmm. Wonder if that one with the big arms from Liberty X would like to be bridesmaid?

12)- Try to get your cock as big as possible while still 'flacid': And wish that it looked that good all the time. That feeling while you're looking at it all puffed up and sausagey? Its the same mixture of hope and regret that George Best's wives felt on the odd occasions when he turned up sober, in a suit.

11)- Listen to opera music: Whilst trying to convince yourself that its cultured, and the kind of thing that a fiendish serial killer genius would do on his day off. And then remember that it's just fat people shouting stage directions at each other.

10)- Slide around in your socks: Like Tom Cruise in Risky Business yeah? And you're cleaning that congealed egg off the kitchen lino- bonus.

9)- Watch TV with one hand down your pants: Pausing from thumbing your 'smelly bridge' only to delve so deep into your nostril that you resemble an outtake from Saw. Now, what to do with the debris? Eat it? Wipe it on the cat? Choices...

8)- Construct gargantuan mealtime combos: What's so wrong about beans, a pie and a triple egg omlette- held up with 'sausage scaffolding'- anyway? And so what if it's for breakfast?

7)- Abandon hygeine in all human forms: She's barely left for work before you're regressing to complete savagery- waddling around in nothing but a T-shirt with a gritty determination not to brush your teeth. Before having an enormous dump with the door wide open, while finishing off a sandwich that you were halfway through when you felt the detonator go off.

6)- Make pointless playlists: At least you've now got all bases covered: 'Pre Party Bangers', 'Girl Back To Mine', 'Smashing-up-the-Flat Divorcee Megamix' etc.

5)- Talk to tramps: As if these pavement sages were somehow going to reveal the secrets of the universe. Rather than just pull down their wools hat, bellow half a verse of Danny Boy and then headbutt your shins.

4)- Put a glass against the wall and listen to the neighbours: Listen in on what you think is them having sex, until you realise that you've just spent ten minutes silently masturbating to the sound of the boiler filling up. And have formed a pressurised vacuum inside your ear.

3)-Read a newspaper with a pint: Pubs: traditionally for drinking, mocking friends, falling over and bellowing at the football like you know the players or they care what you think in some way. And yet who knew the tranquility of a warm bitter, a landlord who everyone thinks killed his wife and the crossword in a two-day-old newspaper?

2)- Do a little dance in the changing room mirror: Then remember that they have CCTV these days.

1)- Examine your balls in the mirror in the toilet on an aeroplane: Then remember that they, too, have CCTV these days.

15)- The Balkans: If only they stopped making new countries for five minutes we could learn the current ones: Serbia, Croatia, Sierra Leone, Alderaan….

14)- Newsnight: Far too stressful. Stick with good old reliable News at 10, with its digestible headlines and superficial investigative standards- just enough knowledge to keep up with the spods at work. And no Paxman to remind us of our dad.

13)- Women’s fashion: Talk about gilding the lily. Girls possess the ultimate clothes-horse to work with: the female body. But how do they adorn this sublime, warm curvature? Baggy gypsy skirts, that’s what. Leggings. Gold ballet pumps. Military fringes. Big-arsed culottes. And many more scraps on unflattery that we can only stare at in Vogue, mystified, wondering whatever happened to the miniskirt.

12)- Periods: You’re down with the basics- once a month ‘there will be blood’. But beyond that…. Are they really fertile during, or just before the deluge? What is that blood, anyway- the lining of her stomach? And does it really mean she’s a witch?

11)- Wine: ‘’The fish, sir? Excellent choice. So you’ll want a sancerre to compliment the monkfish’s subtle nuances. Don’t you find the acidity helps cut through the oily richness! The cost? Just £27, sir. Sorry? So… three Stellas it is then.

10)- Offside trap: Traditionally the litmus to weed out non-football fans or, worse, girls. But now? Does the defender gain the advantage… is he interfering with play? Is there ‘daylight’? What? Thanks Sepp Blatter: now we’re all women.

9)- 2001: A Space Odyssey: They say: ‘’Kubrick debunks the humanist vision of man’s development through increasing knowledge with his portrayal of the modernist apothesis of technology- a ‘mechanarchy’ if you will’’. We say: not enough lasers or explosions.

8)- Directions: Stop car. Wind down window. Beckon friendly yokel. Solicit instructions to niece’s christening. Heed four minutes of gesticulating navigation. Nod; smile. Wind up window. Instantly forget everything. Drive straight into cul-de-sac/ flood zone/ ex-soviet minefield. Blame TomTom.

7)- Female friendships: Can you even call them ‘’friendships’’? Just look at your girlfriend’s motley collection of ‘mates’. One minute it’s hand-holding, tearfully-hugging sisterhood who’d rather die than criticise someone’s shoes. The next? A blood-spitting, high-pitched melodrama of hierarchical jockeying that only ends when someone gets a boyfriend or dies of an eating disorder.

6)- What they’re saying in The Wire: So you once smoked some puff round the back of Feltham Boys’ Club. Didn’t prepare you for the narcotic underworld of Baltimore’s projects did it? Just keep rolling your eyes at mum when she asks you, ‘’what are those horrible men saying?’’ And then turn the subtitles back on when she leaves the room.

5)- Hermaphrodites: So… they can have sex with themselves, yes? Is that why you never see them out and about?

4)- Mobile phone contracts:  Carphone warehouse guy: ‘’CheckthisoutgeezaNokia3526withbluetoothN-GageGPS200freeminutesandunlimitedtextsfiftyquidamonth’’ You: ‘’Just take everything I own’’.

3)- Why ferries don’t sink: Buoyancy, ballast and centre of gravity, apparently. And definitely not because the Dover to Calaisseacat is in fact… like Jesus.

2)- People who speak with a mechanical larynx: ‘’… juhbfkkd ashnjksuuiop asp, jhwduhcb kskwhhuiis ajs…’’. ‘’Err, can I record you for my voicemail please, Mr Robot?’’

1)- The difference between Sunni and Shia: It’s a bit like American pop duo Sonny and Cher, isn’t it? They used to like each other, they had a hit TV show, bitterly fell out, then one died in a skiing accident… oh.