You recited neruda, words softly caressing me

the cascade of the nightlife

and the words of a poet, long dead -

mind finally still from the torrent of words

given new life

a yearing for the oceandespite the great din of people

drowning out the small voices of their realities

I hung on the every word

words rustling into to my eager ears

and drinking deeply of your lips

a somnambulists reality

nightlights reflecting in the streets - urban oil slicks of  

luminance

To guide me to the dawn

A soft surrender

Lips

lips like a question

begging fufillment

remaining unasked and trembling

in the power of the question

Eyes darkly dreaming of desire

I want to take you

take you to the ocean surf

and fall into this question and measure your life-beat

with the pounding of the waves

the heartbeat of all lifethe dark mystery of the depths

the salty embrace of the deep

lost in the moment

free from the fighting and arguments of shattered domestic bliss

a dawning awareness of landscapes and myself

I sleep alone and cramped

snow and fire, cold and warmth, in equal measure

a decade gone, a fathers face mostly forgotten

how can it be so long since i was last at my childhood home?

my family has aged in my absence.

christmas

the first family holiday in so long

i have a niece now

and my brothers have grown into gradual men

no more little boys

lost in pirate games

dusty childrens books alone and forgotten

there is chocolate and coffee

my mothers cranberry bread

i knew so well and missed

cigars and port

a warm fire, and handels messiah

and faces i once knew

but gradually forgot

I could get used to this life

quiet and sleepy and slow

a warm fire, to gradually creep into my bones

much like the memories of childhood

but i'd miss the bookstores

how can one live without books?

and why?

the dog that i once carried

home as a pup is fading

grizzled and old

she forgot me

this is a house of death

all who are in it long for unmaking

i start to cook again

gourmet and strange to their tongue

the perfect hollandaise

the same quiet and soft touch

the same gentle voice

but my mothers face has aged, and with it her hair

now flecked with snow

just as this barren landscape

she still prays for me each night

still lost in fancy

no malice, for one who has known so much grief

and lived for so long with only what she needed

but mostly, needed more

she is content in piety

content with her ducks and chickens

stinging nettles and leeks

summer beans and winter squash

I long for the ocean

I long for the mountains

I long for foreign foods and spice

intoxicating beverages made of rare fruits

my father cried a bit when i came home

the only other time i saw him cry

was a long time ago

the suicide of his brother

i was just a boy

my father hugged me

such an alien feeling

but one i'd wanted for years

my father looks pained most of the time

he has lost most of his teeth

and suffered little strokes

but refuses to seek modern medicine

he still waits for the end

longs for the end

craves the end of it all

late night talk radio

prophets of doom and destruction

conspiracy and misunderstanding

self imposed soothsayers for anyone

that will listen

words and literature

psychobabble

fire and punishment

I wonder as I watch his face

the years and emotions forming a plaster cast

showing the history of the past

and all the little moments of grief and worry

plainly revealing the marks of one who has tried and been beaten

broken by mistakes and regrets

the eyes that only speak in whisper

albeit powerful longing whispers

I wonder if I will one day be him

stuck in his perpetual cup of January

i want to live happily free

with the wind on my face

and a smile

i find my gods in the trees

in music and laughter

food and wine

and my lover

rising and falling with me

in the sunlights caress

and in the endless deep waters

we talk of divorce

my father has bullet holes in his chest

from his divorce

i have only bitter ashes and regret

a few weeks later i learn my ex-wife has a new lover

i cry softy in the shower

the first time in so long

broken and hopeless

i make focaccia bread

parmesan and roasted garlic

green onions and sundried tomato

i try not to think

i dream of rotten teeth and amputation

i hide myself away

i make my father steak

gorgonzola crisps and browns under the heat

the fat sizzles and fills the room

exciting the primal hunter in me

i stalk deer in the frozen dawn

but i'm never swift enough

we drink moonshine in the woods

and smoke awful tobacco the shaved leaf

always on my tongue

i spit the parings into the piss soaked snow

my hands grow numb

we drink moonshine in the woods

life is but a measure of instants

the heartbeat of here and now

the memories are what make us

the form of our fathers

and we must wake and work

tirelessly toiling for the dream

the dream of those that have yet to dream

to make a better life

to die, loved and remembered

winter is now on the cusp of spring

one day i walk out of the house

i had forgot what sunlight felt like

and i build dams in the creek for the ducks

i slowly shape and mold the stream

a gradual malleability

and change its course forever

icy water on my bare, tender feet

the ducks follow me

i find insects and small crustaceans for them

I can smell the changes in the air

The birds are now eager

And he hills are touched with tender life

A gradual soft green

i take a new lover

she wants to make a new life with me

but i am an apostate

and thus pure sin

her heart is breaking but I see no god in her books

we move on

the call of the west whispers

and i have to return

a long for dark beer and rain

for late night coffee shops and streetlights

and late night food carts

the anonymity of crowds

i am torn between leaving for the life i loved

and getting to know my family again

but i cant stay here

there is nothing but the doctrine of death

and the fear of men in suits with guns

i say goodbye

look back once

and fade into the crowded airport

i have new shoes

I got mugged yesterday. I was walking along, minding my own business, when this guy just ran straight into me from behind! It knocked me a bit and I stumbled and tripped. He then jumped on my head, stole my gold ring and just ran off at full speed! If anyone sees a blue hedgehog with red trainers on could you beat the shit out of him for me?

My job is so fucking unbelievable. I'll try to sum it up by first telling you about the folks I work with:First, there is this supermodel wannabe chick. Yeah, okay, she is pretty hot, but damn is she completely useless.The girl is constantly fixing her hair or putting on make-up.She is extremely self-centred and has never once considered the needs or wants of anyone but herself.She is as dumb as a box of rocks, and I still find it surprising that she has enough brain power to continue to breathe.

The next chick is completely the opposite. She might even be one of the smartest people on the planet.Her career opportunities are endless, and yet she is here with us. She is a zero on a scale of 1 to 10.I'm not sure she even showers, much less shaves her "womanly" parts.I think she might be a lesbian, because every time we drive by the hardware store she moans like a cat in heat.

But the jewel of the crowd has got to be the fucking stoner. And this guy is more than just your average pothead.In fact, he is baked before he comes to work, during work, and I'm sure after work.He probably hasn't been sober any time in the last ten years, and he's only 22.He dresses like a beatnik throwback from the 1960's, and to make things worse, he brings his big fucking dog to work.Every fucking day I have to look at this huge Great Dane walk around half-stoned from the second-hand smoke.Hell, sometimes I even think it's trying to talk with its constant bellowing.Also, both of them are constantly hungry, requiring multiple stops to McDonald's and Burger King, every single fucking day.

Anyway, I drive these fucktards around in my van and we solve mysteries and shit.

It is very simple, just go thorogh my old uploaded media, and reupload it. you will get a feature almost every time.

Hey whoever is in charge of the prize store... Where is my laptop at? Will I ever get it?

I love ebaums, always have. If anyone needs to contact me, the best way is via email ebenbane@hotmail.com

love you all.

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I love ebaums, always have. If anyone needs to contact me, the best way is via email ebenbane@hotmail.com

love you all.

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I wanted to share some of my ideas for making eBaumsWorld more user friendly and current. I love eBaums world, I am a very loyal user, I love the way eBaums gives back to the users. The following ideas and solutions are mostly simple, and I think that if implemented would make this already great site even better. Remember, eBaumsWorld is Media for the masses!!

More Content, More Often

My Friend Portolet had some great ideas for eBaums as well, one of the ideas I believe we both share is to feature more content on the main page. I live on the west cost, when I get home from work all the daily featured content has been selected and posted. While it is nice to see all the media at once, I would love to see fresh media pop up throughout the night. I am sure that other users in my timezone and across the globe woulds spend more time on eBaums looking for new features if they were scheduled 24/7. I think the best format would be a double column updated on the hour. Keep it Fresh for us insomniac freaks!

Variety is The Spice of eBaums!

I would love to see more joke featured, and more single pictures. Another thing I would love to see is an integration of the News and Links section. Choose interesting articles, and feature them on the main page, or feature a teaser of the content with a link to the source if permission is an issue. Link to known political and new blogs, and I am sure the content owners would reciprocate, its a new world out there.

There is a lot of interesting media on this site, feature more gallerys of interesting pictures, and at least one joke a day. Everyone loves telling new jokes. Tap into user opinions by featuring wacky news stories and political misdeeds daily. There are a lot of opinionated users here, let us rage!

Whoops! I did it again!

I accidentally delete media from time to time, usually blogs... Instead of having a button that delete media without a warning message, have a check box for deleting media.

Spam and Reposts, a resource wasting problem

At any given time, there are multiple copies of the same media. This creates animosity among the uploaders, and wastes major server space. Change to flag media button to a multiple choice menu. Allow Flag for Duplicate media, Spam and Porn/Gore. This would help cut down on the crap that is posted every day, saving costly server space and cluttering the site. This would also help self moderate the community here, and cut down on the butt-hurt from people not getting media featured when they uploaded the item first. We all invariably post a duplicate, I always check before I upload something, but duplicate still happen, due to many causes. In the last year, there have been almost 100,000 uploads, I would estimate that only 20% or less of these uploads are unique. Every thing else is just a repost of a repost. Server space is very expensive, volunteer moderators are not....

We need more moderators!

I think that the current moderators do a great job taking care of the main page and forum, but off-peak hours can be no-mans land around here. Having more moderators with the ability to suspends or delete media, and comment ban disruptive users would help keep this place a little more SFW and friendly. Whether the moderator be paid or volunteers I am sure you would find no shortage of great people that use this site of a regular basis. There is constantly a lot of junk posted in the blog section as well, cleaning that section up would help shine light on the great content that is posted by our talented bloggers.

BRING BACK FOTM!!

I really miss fan of the month and reading about eBaums pretend family. I remember reading those posting and cracking up every time.

Bring Back Caption Contents!

They have always been very entertaining, and provide an contest for the users without photoshop skills.

Have more Treasure hunts!

I am sure that your would love to sponsor treasure hunts, in exchange for ad space, Having a monthly treasure hunt would bring in extra traffic, and would boost page views and time spent on eBaumsWorld. You could always give out eReps and Swag packs as well.

Make the digg button bigger.

Most people do not know we have a digg button, if you make it more visible on the site I guarantee that it will bring in more traffic! Lets kick some break ass. (I hate break)

Feature User Profiles.

Have a section for featuring one lucky users profile a month. This would make users try harder to upload top quality martial, and original content. You could also allow featured users to be guest editors and select media to be featured.

Feature more user content.

We all want a bigger piece of the pie, reward the users with more features. I am sure your lawyers could find away to write off the extra money spent.

Top rated section woes!

Every time a video makes it to the top rated section it is taken down after a few minuets by someone clicking less than a 5 star rating. The videos in that section typically only have 4-7 total 5 star ratings.

Get rid of that section, and replace it with a hot right now section, this section could contain the chosen by rating and overall quality, as well as view counts. Make it a section that showcases the media that really deserves it, like a junior feature section, built on reputation and quality. The old EMUSE top video tab was a great way for media to circulate, perhaps a recode of that system will a fall off point would help shine light on some great overlooked media. (but not to the blanknot factor)

Hall of fame

Allow videos to be sorted by views, and have a hall of fame for the users with the most subscriptions, and a eRep Hall of fame. We all have worked hard to upload great quality, and spent long hours on this site. Showcase the users that have made it, and rightfully earned our points. This will encourage people to upload and spend time here to get on the leader boards.

Increase the character limit for jokes.

1000 characters for a joke is rather small, update that to a capped 10k for those really long but funny jokes. Then people will leave the blog section for blogs.

Enable Multimedia Gallerys

I would love to be able to upload a top ten video list, I have tried it on the blog section, but the code gets messed up and it ends up looking like hell. If you could enable the blogs to accept video embedding. I want to make high quality gallerys, and like to join related media. Check this one out for an example of what I am talking about  (that is also the digg button that I think should be on all pages.)

Have a real eBaums user gallery

Feature a gallery of pictures of the users her holding signs with their avatars printed on them or screen names. This place is becoming more and more of a community every day. Every that wants to should upload a picture and tag it “realebaumsuser” and the staff should feature it. Then we all make fun of the guys and ask the girls to show us their tits. But we will have fun doing it!

These are just some of the things I would change if I was in charge, I think that these idea will help with the over all esthetics of the layout here, and increase traffic. eBaumsWorld was kicking ass before all the other sites, and still kicks ass today. I just want to see eBaumsWorld take back its rightful place.

There is no other user generated site online that rewards it members the way eBaums does. And the users here are among the most devoted of any site I know. I have been here at least 6 years, if not more, and I know that is relativity common for the fans of eBaums.

I am a longwinded lorddread, and I love eBaums.

I met my wife at a Singles Bar. Funny thing is, I thought she was at home looking after the kids.

Almost all serial killers are men. That's because women like to kill one man slowly over many, many years.

There are 3 types of women; the intelligent, the beautiful, and the majority.

My wife came home the other night and told me to take off her blouse. Then she told me to take off her skirt. Then she told me not to wear her clothes again.

A bloke is driving happily along in his car with his girlfriend when he's pulled over by the police. The police officer approaches him and asks, "Have you been drinking Sir?" "No. Why?" replies the man. "Was I all over the road?" "No," replies the officer, "you were driving splendidly. It was the ugly fat bird in the passenger seat that made me suspicious."

A man is lying in bed with his wife when she rolls over and says, "Say something dirty to me." He replies, "The Dishes.

How to get eRep points, get featured and become famous on eBaumsWorld, a practical guide by a eBaums Power User.

In early 2008 eBaums launched the eRep point system. This system is a great way to earn prizes and get rewarded for your uploaded media, and time spent on the site. There are some really cool items to choose from, http://www.ebaumsworld.com/prizes/ and getting them is totally doable. (They really do send your prizes to you, they even take care of shipping)

Here is how to do it.

First, you need a source of good material to upload. Then, you need to get the item from the source, to eBaumsworld. The absolutely painless way is to do this is by using Firefox browser with the add ons “DownloadHelper” and “DownThemAll”

Using these tools, downloading items and uploading them to eBaums is a easy task. (Use Downloadhelper for videos, and DownThemAll for pictures and games.)

The programs are pretty easy to use, even an eNoob should be able to use them.

Awesome! Now you have 50 cool videos on your desktop awaiting sure glory on eBaums! Here come the most important part... Always be sure to sell your media.

Make people check out your stuff! You can have the coolest video ever, and no one will watch it due to poor tagging or a lame description.

I am guilty of being lazy in this area as well, and I am sure that I would have twice as many features if I had paid more attention to this in the past.

All right, so now your cool video has been uploaded and is now in the system. Now, its up for every one to enjoy. It should get featured right away, right? Well, not always...

Don't be discouraged if the videos you upload don't get featured, keep in mind that there are tons of things being uploaded on a regular basis.

Remember that hot video you just found and uploaded of a figure skater being eaten alive by a rabid polar bear while a transvestite dwarf moonwalks??? Well, 27 other people uploaded it. Yesterday.

If at first you don't succeed, just keep on trying. I had been uploading videos and gallerys for about 6 months or more before I got my first featured item. It was a great feeling, and it came as a surprise.

Also, don't be surprised if the video you thought would be a sure hit does not get any views, and the gallery you least expected to be a hit gets featured. Thats just the way it works around here sometimes.

Some videos I upload that are amazing get very little traffic. Take this for example: http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/335645/ under 200 views, and totally epic! I was very disappointed it was not featured.

http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/36085/ one of my first uploads, simple, and basically stupid. Yet it was watched well over 500,000 times.

If you are diligent, and upload a diverse amount of quality media, you will get featured. If you upload the same 3 second clip over and over, you will just get banned :)

Get to know people around here, post comments on videos, establish a viewer base, and have fun.

Pretty soon, that new PS3 will be at your door.