So I like everyone else on here get some pleasure out of being featured, its fun, and racks up those precious eReps. But I also know that, the majority of people on here don't upload original material, I found it somewhere else like everyone else.

I also know that I have no right to complain about uploading something, then someone else uploading the same thing and getting featured. Its the nature of the system. The eBaums staff have better things to do then jump around for everyone who cries foul when someone else gets featured for someone elses work. It sucks but thats the nature of things.

Also what gripes me are those people who get all feature crazy like uploading 20+ videos a day. I did that but then again I also didn't have a job at the time.

So all  that said, it sucks when someone gets featured and you don't but unless you made the video yourself just relax, take a breather, and find something even funnier next time.

I was at work tonight helping some customers out when this lady came over with a cell phone, it was clear she had issues her hands were shaking and she was dragging her brat offspring with her. Someone I worked with helped her out, and what takes at most a 10 minute transaction stretched out to a grueling two and a half hours. All she wanted was a prepaid cell phone. Thats it. Nothing fancy heres where the long ass help comes into play.

She had some questions about GPS units, webcams, computers, and cell phones. Weird questions about monitoring, tracking, programs stuff like that. Pretty much questions that any casual electronics user would know right?

Long story short, her husband was monitoring every aspect of her life. The whole nine yards, he was monitoring where she was going, with a GPS including wacthing her on a hidden cam in her car when she would leave. He had a stay at home business so he just sat around watching her. Even her phone calls were being recorded. She was in a fucked up relationship.

So we set her up and said ok, just don't give him this cell phone number, and don't let him know you have it. And if you're really scared about him then go stay with your family, or go to a womans shelter if you really are scared that something will happen.

Sounds reasonable right? Apparently not to her, she had to go home to make dinner. I gave her a blank look said "Ok... well good luck with that then." I don't deal with people who won't help themselves.

An hour later.

4 police show up asking questions, shes freaking out, my hand is bleeding from opening her cell phone box (it was one of those plastic ones) and they're trying to figure out what happened, her hand is shakey as fuck, her kid wants to go home, its almost midnight now. I'm off in less then 5 minutes, and the fucking police show up to ask whats going on.

I ALMOST felt bad for this woman when the police said they wouldn't do anything for her. And I say ALMOST because she was such a fucking moron. First off the husband was the sole income of the household so everything he bought he had every right to use. She just sat on her ass all day. Did nothing, just sat around with the kid, while the husband was working in the next room.

She had no security, no outside life, no family to turn to, and all because she got wrapped up in some lame jealousy bullshit. And when she freaked out at me for the phone not working, for not being able to exchange it because nobody was around to do it... She got pissed, and began ranting about how her husband hacked into it. WITHIN AN HOUR. Nevermind the fact that the phone had barely been charged for a half hour when she turned the damn thing on.

Lesson learned folks, don't be a douchebag in a controlling relationship. If one person is waaay controlling the warning signs are there its not like it will happen overnight. And when it does happen when you find yourself trapped in fucked up marriages with a kid around your neck remember. ITS YOUR FAULT. No one elses. Deal with it, and don't bring the police around me and expect me to be all happy and cheerful. And don't have them (the police) meet you at where I work, have them go bother you and your husband at home. Not me, I don't care about you. Fuck you.

A big thing on here seems to be who to vote for, and who the right candidate is to run this country. Personally I haven't been affected on who I'm voting for either way when I read someones blog. In general people take a position stick with it, and defend it as though if you disagree with them its a personal attack, instead of just a difference in opinion.

No matter which way you look or who you vote for, it all leads to the same conclusion some people benefit some people don't. That hasn't changed since there have been election it all depends on how much you want to benefit really. Or to put it another way "same mouthwash different cheek."

McCain has just a shady background as Obama does. It all depends on perspective, spin, and who you feel will help you reach your goals. Don't be ashamed of it, if you have a choice between two candidates you'll vote for the one who  you think is the least shady, and you in fact will be willing to overlook past trangressions in hope they'll do their job. Its kind of childish, but everyone is guilty of it.

In my opinion McCain will lose this election, it doesn't matter who I vote for, I live in Oregon, and it'll be a cold day in hell when a Republican Presidential Nominee wins this state. Thats just the way it is.

But the reason why he will lose, isn't because of the "liberal media" its not because of uninformed voters, or any of that other crap. He's going to lose because he spent  his campaign pointing his finger at Obama instead of focusing on issues, and of course theres the whole Palin deal but thats not needed.

Considering the past 8 years and how our President has led this country its no wonder that calling for change is what is catching peoples attention.

Weird title for what I'm about to write, but I really couldn't think of anything clever right now since I have a cold.

I haven't been on much I just started a new job recently, and I was just promoted and got a raise so thats pretty cool.

I'm mostly writing because I finally met someone which embodys everything I can't stand in people. Worst yet she has a weird sense of trying to prove herself to everyone, like what other people say really matters. I can't really put my finger on it, but the moment I saw her, I knew I would hold her in complete contempt. Which is pretty weird for me since I give almost everyone a shot to be a pal.

Anyways, what set me off was how the first thing she said to me was about how she only fucks black guys, and how shes a single mother with a deadbeat dad, the whole cry me a river story about how shes addicted to drugs, nobody understands her, and how much she likes to fuck. This my friends completely disgusts me, not the whole she likes black guys, but the self pitying and need for attention. Shes worked for this company for quite awhile now, and in the amount of time I've been there it took her half a year to be considered for a new position, and a full year still to get a raise. And I did it all in two weeks, I'm proud of what I've done, but I didn't go around telling people how hard it was, or all the work I had to do to get there. I can tell you all because I'm sure some of you had to bust your asses to get where you are now too. 

I guess what I hate most is how people in general just throw up these cliche excuses for not getting to be where they want to be, or being who they want to be. I showed up, did my job, or my breaks I'd go study to get certified in other parts of this store, after that I'd go talk to managers, and other employees to see what I had to do, in order to get what I wanted. And then some saggy chinned bitch dared to tell me how she had such a hard life and how shes never got an even break. Fuck that. If people would take half the time they spend pitying themselves and put it to something constructive then they'd have nothing to complain about, and they would know fully well how full of shit they really are.

I just had to get this off my chest, nobody except my girlfriend understands what I mean when I talk about working for what you get, everyone else feels like they're entitled to the world wrapped up in a nice little bow. It pisses me off, that these morons actually believe the shit they say too.

I don't want anyone getting the wrong idea of me, and I understand a lot of people on here have a tendency of stretching the truth a tad and flat out lying. Thats an understandable assumption in certain case.

Ok, that said if I am telling you some bullshit, if I write a story and post it. I'll tell you its a story. If its the truth, if it actually happened I'll tell you. Thats the way things go for me, not saying I'm better then anyone else, or that I haven't lied to people before. I just don't need to come up with shit to sound like I've had a good time.

I was at a party the summer I graduated. It was a bunch of my pals, and a whole lot of people from school who had shown up. That night I learned and taught a few very valuable lessons.

I wasn't drinking and pretty much just making sure people weren't getting into too much trouble. This said, we know how boring a party can be when you're the sober one, and surrounded by drunk people.

I tried to talk to the dancers, nope snobby as all hell, I went to talk to the stoners, they were annoying the hell out of me, I went to talk to my friends but they were all engrossed in playing Halo.

"I'm bored" Yep, thats how it started. I don't know if it was the stoners or all the Halo, or even the dancers, but I was bored, and if my night was a bust, I'm taking everyone else with me.

Enter "J" him and I are a team that much like nitro and glycerine. Don't mix unless you really really mean it. He's sober, I'm sober, we have access to cheap household things that nobody will miss.

To start off I sneak the tequila bottle away and piss in it not before telling everyone else but them what I was doing. I may be a bastard but I'm not a fucking bastard. The dancers think they're better then me? Well their breath is gonna stink as much as their words. And because this smiting must be complete. The "Coup De Gras" is toothpaste placed on the toilet seat.

The stoners, J and I use dental floss, and cross it between cars, gates, and between the porch and shed where the people are lighting up. J gets on the roof and starts running around, and in my best cop voice I tell them to get out. They all burst running out and tripping over every little trip wire we made, they're pissed but not pissed enough to do anything. Gotta love lazy stoners.

The finale of the night was picking the lock to the downstairs hookup room. We got in armed with a camera and caught the local pretty boy hooking up with his girlfriend. And another guy, I think we were more shocked to see him getting double teamed then he was.

That wasn't the last party they invited me to, but thats for another time.

I used to volunteer at a week long summer camp for kids. With a bunch of other students from other highschools we'd teach 6th graders about plants, animals, water cycle...ect that kind of stuff.

So one female counseler had her birthday out there, she had just turned 16, and we had a celebration in the main camp after lights out. Lots of dancing, and games, one of the senior members pulled out his fiddle and we started having a barn dance, and I got to dance with the birthday girl. I was STOKED! She was a beautiful redhead, and I was totally going to weasel a kiss from her by the end of the night. Once the dance was over nobody would talk to me. Nobody made eye contact everyone would turn there back on me when I would walk up to them.

Roll it back a few hours. I was getting some clean clothes on which included a pain of pants I had just got, I had no idea what they were made of but they were warm, and were plaid, My kind of look at the time. Well, it started to rain (This is Oregon mind you) so not thinking anything of it I kept on teaching kids the finer points of animals and got them to bed while I was soaking wet.

Enter the dance. I'm thinking I'm smelling bad but this isn't the case, I crack jokes nobody smiles or even looks at me,

I say out loud "Well at least nobody knows that I don't wear underwear" which I in fact do but I just want some acknowledgement or response.

Girl looks at me "I know you don't" with that she looked down, I look down. Un oh.

The rain from earler had shrunk the wool pants I had put on earlier that day, which once shrunk seemed even smaller from the boner I got dancing with the redhead, and was further accentuated by the amount of jumping involved in a barn dance.

Yes folks your humble narrator had a cock print in his pant, which everyone could see.

I was never looked at the same way again that week, but I did get the redheads number. Unfortunately being an awkward teen I never called her.

I found some galleries of some hot chicks getting all fresh with each other right, and then I loaded them on here thinking "Hey some people could enjoy this" when I got a burst of "Wait a minute, this is just generic crap that most people put on here anyway do you really want to become that guy"

With that thought I began an epic battle of wills, my passion for sexy women versus my wanting not to be an Ebaumsworld douche who loads chicks on here...

The latter won, and I deleted the three galleries I posted yeah not much but still I'd rather not be that guy who posts crap just for the sake of posting, which I have before but I won't anylonger.

Except for this blog, last one I swear. Last post of meaningless crap that is.

That said a shameless self promotion I found an awesome video of Dee Snider beating someone up so you all should go watch it because its HILARIOUS.

We all want eRep, all of us. From the douche who spams a couple messages  then gets bored, to the new member who wants to figure out a get rich quick scam.

Networked seems like the best way to go, I found a video and posted and got a message about how it was a repost. However it was already higher rated had more views in one hour then he got in a week, and when doing a search it was the 5th most populer that matched the criteria.

That said, don't be a douche. This is a fun site have fun with it and the points will come rolling. Ebaum makes money and isn't just going to hand anything out for free.

Don't spam a bunch of crap, because that will only irritate people.

I've only been a member for three weeks, and I know well enough that it doesn't do well to post a bunch of crap and hope it sticks. Though I am guilty of that when I first got started.

So just take it down a notch, have fun, and quit spamming a bunch of crap.

Oh yeah, I did the math on how to get half a million eRep in a little under 2 weeks, and it seriously is not worth the effort you'd have to put into it.

The world's wonder, long-dick buck-bender, all-night grinder,
womb-finder, sheet-shaker, baby-maker, and money taker.

Don't wanna be your teacher

Don't wanna be your preacher

Don't wanna be your keeper

I wanna be your pimp

Don't wanna be your lover

Don't wanna be your brother

Don't wanna be your mother

I wanna be your pimp

I met you on the Greyhound bus

In a world of passion and lust

Don't wanna be your pastor

I wanna be your master

I'm just a fucking bastard

I wanna be your pimp

Usually around this time of year I just try to take it easy, and not freak out over what other people have to say.

I understand that many people got killed, many more got hurt, and many still feel the impact of what happened to this day. Like everyone I'm mad that it happened, and I want to see justice come to those who orchestrated it.

Throw away the conspiracy theories, Americas foreign policy, all that left wing right wing crap. Understand that a group of people who just went to work were murdered. Thats the reality of the situation. Innocent people were killed, and since then their tragic deaths have been pimped for others selfish purposes.

And thats what makes me really mad. That people get behind their causes and forget the people that were lost and hurt. That its turned into a story and an excuse to get mad at other people for not thinking the way they do.

The people on those planes, and in the buildings, they were travelers, employees, police, and firefighters, medics and good samaritans. They didn't have politcal agendas and their deaths really shouldn't become an agenda in itself. That completely demeans what happened, and the lives lost.

So if you gotta make a joke thats your prerogative then do it, if thats how you deal with the situation do it, just take other people into consideration because they don't grieve the same way you do. But also know that some people may take offense to that, so use some discretion.

If you are more somber, and solemn in your grieving don't get pissed at people who crack a joke, they're hurting too and dealing with it the best way they can.

All I ask out of the people who read this, is just remember the people who died, they deserve that much, and not to have their lives minimalized into a cause.

So take 9-11 just as it should be. A day to remember the people who passed, and leave political ideas, religious ideas, and all that other bullshit on the shelf. You can always pick up where you left off the next day.

Simple tools for this operation are a "Church Key" an old fashioned can opener before pop top technology, this serves multiple uses when used properly. A cherry stem, if you're at a bar they'll have them, if you're at a small house party bring'em they're cheap and the rewards are great for mixed drinks and entertainment.

I'm assuming you want to get laid, so get yourself a drink at the counter, any drink it doesn't matter just don't get too sloshed until you've sealed the deal. While at the counter or kitchen, either get a cherry or ask for one from the bartender. Each the cherry they're good, save the stem. If you're not being noticed quickly tie the cherry stem into a neat little knot, and place it under your tongue. Take a sip of your drink make sure you're comfortable with the stem now, prepare to dazzle them.

If theres a group conversation step in and join the conversation, get attention away from any guys in the area, unless they're idiots, friends, or with their gals all men are the enemy! Attention women pay on them, is attention you're not getting, that is not good.

Crack jokes, share stories, have fun. If people have fun around you that brings attention, and once the booze is flowing you don't need to be creative for too long. Throughout all of this, that cherry stem better be pretty secure.

Ok, so you've loosened up the party is in fully swing, you should have weeded out the potentials from the hopeless chicks from the crowd now. Move on to the next part of the plan. If everyones having a good time, tell the gals if they want to see a trick. Ask someone to go get you a cherry, in fact offer a challenge everyone gets a cherry. So with cherries in hand the challenge is to tie it with your tongue, and you should be able to do this on your own, as will most other people here comes the sneaky part. Switch the tied cherry you've hidden with the untied one, wiggle it around in your mouth for a few seconds then there it is. Some people will be impressed most guys can't do that.

So now you have some people with tied stems, some with not. Those guys who can't are immediately disqualified. But there will be some still standing. Now say "Well can you now do this?" And at that take the tied stem and put it back in your mouth, switch with the un-tied stem and peek the tip of it out, and have the girl you want pull it out kiss her fingers while she does this. Have you ever seen someone untie the stem afterwards? I think not. This simple trick is a crowd pleaser if nobody was paying attention to you, they are now.

Now you've sorted out the girls to the pretty much done deals. However there may be an interloper in the crowd, a lone male whos out to cockblock he must be caught a lesson, and it must be taught fast. First off you remember the Church Key you brought? Time to put it to good use.

1. Offer a gesture of friendship, get him a beer preferably in a can. Once armed with the can open it regularly, and about 3/4 of an inch down from the opening of the can use the Church Key to pop a little tiny hole where the label is, it should be undectable. When he goes to take a swill the beer will pour out down his chin, onto his clothes and being already buzzed all will think he's drunk and a slob. Humiliated he will retreat leaving you to claim your prize.

If you want to get REALLY brutal I mean you want to destroy this guy right, before  you give the guy the beer pour some out, then piss in it. Not only will his breath stink but once on his clothes it'll smell like he pissed himself, if he takes the drink while sitting some of the beer will get onto his groin as well.

The same trick minus the piss, just the hole in the can, can be used on girls if they're wearing a white shirt, or at least give you a late night option to wash their shirt for them, but thats really a desperate shot.

And there ya have it, simple tricks for the desperate, and hopeless. Remember guys if you're not good looking you gotta be clever.

Yes I have tried these, and yes they work.

And the dance team from my highschool will never talk shit about me again, because they all drank my piss.

Girls on this site, I'm really sorry if anyone uses these tricks on you.

So I've been coming to this site on a semi-regular basis for about 3 years now, but just recently decided to actually sign up and participate, its not because I whole heartedly enjoy the company on here. Some folks are outright dicks for no good reason, other then just wanting attention, some have nothing better to do, and yet even with all the bashing and pettyness that goes on people still come back which I think is funny. The site would be a bit less of a place to visit if everyone was busy kissing each others asses.

Well I decided to sign up because of a little report I saw about Ebaumsworld being sued, this sparked my interest I enjoy this site, so who cares if other peoples stuff gets posted here thats the point in the first place make as many people see it as possible, things are meant to be enjoyed. Thats why people film things and create things, and of course theres the monetary compensation but that should really be secondary.

I did a little snooping and saw just how much animosity there is towards Ebaumsworld. I thought "What a bunch of shit" people get way to built up into internet "wars" its like whos fanbase has less of a life?

I post a lot of stuff relatively speaking, not all of it good, not all of it trashy just some things I see and that I like. I figure if I see it on an original site, or on youtube or some crap like that, they got their view and thats really no difference from going out and renting a dvd, and if it really was good people will look them up later on. And Ebaumsworld is like a giant mixed cd. You get a little bit of everything that everyone contributes to, and unlike some giant sites like youtube or myspace, the chances of getting featured or someones work being shown is much greater. Its like everyone gets a chance at being a star for the day. I know when the video I found was featured I got a lot of messages from people asking me where I found it, I gladly shared and thats a good feeling.

So for the folks on here who share for the greater good many beers to you.

And for the idiots who can't take a joke, well much puke for you.

P.S. Go easy on the spelling or content of this, I haven't slept since noon yesterday.

A friend of mine just moved in with me, because him and his wife were having some marital. And recently my pal has decided to get a divorce, she was out dating other guys, and getting all kissy  faced with a co-worker.

So, what pushed him to want to get a divorce was that mysteriously another mans penis fell into his wifes vagina. Yes folks, that was her explanation. It started so innocently she was wearing her panties and this guy was wearing his boxers and was on top of her, and before she knew it his penis slipped.

Yes she said the penis slipped. Like Oops how'd that get there? It must not be my lucky day.

Needless to say nobodys buying the story, but would any of you? Can any of you think of a situation that would call for a guy and a girl to be in nothing but their underwear laying on top of each other in bed in a non sexual way?

I'm going to print all comments on here and show them to my friend and his soon to be ex, so get creative, get brutal, get nasty.