http://www.ebaumsworld.com/path Latest media uploaded to eBaums World by path en-us Wed, 03 Dec 2008 19:19:53 -0500 Wed, 03 Dec 2008 19:19:53 -0500 731085 Tue, 08 Jul 2008 11:27:23 -0400 Added: 2008-07-08 11:27:23
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the Pope won, they would have to leave. The Jewish people met and picked an aged, but wise Rabbi Moishe to represent them in the debate. However, as Moishe spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they all agreed that it would be a "silent" debate. On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger. Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple. With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he wa ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/731085/ Jews vs christians---i hope this fits Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert or leave Italy. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He would have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy, if the Pope won, they would have to leave. The Jewish people met and picked an aged, but wise Rabbi Moishe to represent them in the debate. However, as Moishe spoke no Italian, and the Pope spoke no Yiddish, they all agreed that it would be a "silent" debate. On the chosen day, the Pope and Rabbi Moishe sat opposite each other for a full minute before the Pope raised his hand and showed three fingers. Rabbi Moishe looked back and raised one finger. Next, the Pope waved his finger around his head. Rabbi Moishe pointed to the ground where he sat. The Pope then brought out a communion wafer and a chalice of wine. Rabbi Moishe pulled out an apple. With that, the Pope stood up and declared that he wa 726248 Mon, 07 Jul 2008 14:27:50 -0400 Added: 2008-07-07 14:27:50
So the elephant says to the naked man . . . "You breathe through that little thing?" ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/726248/ Small thing So the elephant says to the naked man . . . "You breathe through that little thing?" 722765 Sun, 06 Jul 2008 22:28:08 -0400 Added: 2008-07-06 22:28:08
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!" ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/722765/ House break A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!" 722736 Sun, 06 Jul 2008 22:23:03 -0400 Added: 2008-07-06 22:23:03
One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver went below another 20 feet, but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 feet, but minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote, "How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?" The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!" ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/722736/ drowning scuba diver One day, a diver was enjoying the aquatic world 20 feet below sea level. He noticed a guy at the same depth he was, but he had on no scuba gear whatsoever. The diver went below another 20 feet, but the guy joined him a few minutes later. The diver went below 25 feet, but minutes later, the same guy joined him. This confused the diver, so he took out a waterproof chalkboard set, and wrote, "How the heck are you able to stay under this deep without equipment?" The guy took the board and chalk, erased what the diver had written, and wrote, "I'm drowning, you moron!" 722729 Sun, 06 Jul 2008 22:19:32 -0400 Added: 2008-07-06 22:19:32
Department of the Treasury Internal Revenue Service Washington, D.C. To: All Male Taxpayers RE: Notice of increase of tax payment Form 1040 - P The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is pissed off, 20% of the time it is hard up, and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of this, it has two dependents and both are nuts. Accordingly, as of April 1, 1998, your penis will be taxed according to size. To determine your category, please consult the chart below and confirm this informatin on page 2, section 7, line 3, on the Standard Form 1040. 10-16 inches Luxury Tax $50.00 8-10 inches Pole Tax $30.00 5-8 inches Privilege Tax $15.00 4-5 inches Nuisance Tax $5.00 Please note: Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund. Please do not ask for an extension!!!!!! Additionally, males exceedi ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/722729/ Penis joke---this isn't very funny Department of the Treasury Internal Revenue Service Washington, D.C. To: All Male Taxpayers RE: Notice of increase of tax payment Form 1040 - P The only thing that the IRS has not taxed yet is your penis. This is due to the fact that 40% of the time it is hanging around unemployed, 30% of the time it is pissed off, 20% of the time it is hard up, and 10% of the time it is in the hole. On top of this, it has two dependents and both are nuts. Accordingly, as of April 1, 1998, your penis will be taxed according to size. To determine your category, please consult the chart below and confirm this informatin on page 2, section 7, line 3, on the Standard Form 1040. 10-16 inches Luxury Tax $50.00 8-10 inches Pole Tax $30.00 5-8 inches Privilege Tax $15.00 4-5 inches Nuisance Tax $5.00 Please note: Anyone under 4 inches is eligible for a refund. Please do not ask for an extension!!!!!! Additionally, males exceedi 722727 Sun, 06 Jul 2008 22:18:26 -0400 Added: 2008-07-06 22:18:26
What do you call 500 Natives running on the race track? The Indy 500. ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/722727/ the 500 What do you call 500 Natives running on the race track? The Indy 500. 722721 Sun, 06 Jul 2008 22:14:46 -0400 Added: 2008-07-06 22:14:46
"Dad," said the boy, "we had a spelling contest in school today, and I missed on the very first word." "That's too bad Son." consoled the Father, "What was the word ?" "Posse." ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/722721/ Spelling bee "Dad," said the boy, "we had a spelling contest in school today, and I missed on the very first word." "That's too bad Son." consoled the Father, "What was the word ?" "Posse." 722687 Sun, 06 Jul 2008 22:04:52 -0400 Added: 2008-07-06 22:04:52
A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!" ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/722687/ A guy named Strange A lawyer named Strange died, and his friend asked the tombstone maker to inscribe on his tombstone, "Here lies Strange, an honest man, and a lawyer." The inscriber insisted that such an inscription would be confusing, for passersby would tend to think that three men were buried under the stone. However he suggested an alternative: He would inscribe, "Here lies a man who was both honest and a lawyer. That way, whenever anyone walked by the tombstone and read it, they would be certain to remark: "That's Strange!" 720718 Sat, 05 Jul 2008 23:12:57 -0400 Added: 2008-07-05 23:12:57
When is it OK for a lady to slap a midget? When they are slow dancing and he tells her how nice her hair smells. ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/720718/ Midget Slap When is it OK for a lady to slap a midget? When they are slow dancing and he tells her how nice her hair smells. 720167 Sat, 05 Jul 2008 18:05:02 -0400 Added: 2008-07-05 18:05:02
A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked, "What's the problem, Carol? I hope it's not homework again." "Well, uh, yes, it is." replied Carol. "I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane." "Carol, you're right, that wasn't a very bright thing to do," said the teacher, "but this once I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in." "Oh, but that won't work," said Carol, looking even sadder. "You see, the plane was hijacked." ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/720167/ Hijacked airplane A fifth grader looked downcast, so her teacher asked, "What's the problem, Carol? I hope it's not homework again." "Well, uh, yes, it is." replied Carol. "I was stupid and made my homework paper into a paper airplane." "Carol, you're right, that wasn't a very bright thing to do," said the teacher, "but this once I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in." "Oh, but that won't work," said Carol, looking even sadder. "You see, the plane was hijacked." 720165 Sat, 05 Jul 2008 18:03:29 -0400 Added: 2008-07-05 18:03:29
Son takes his father to the doctor. Doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer. Father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to celebrate it. While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS. When the friends leave the son asks, "Dad, you are dying of cancer. Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?" The father replies, "I don't want them fucking your mother after I'm gone!" ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/720165/ Cancer or AIDS Son takes his father to the doctor. Doctor gives them the bad news that the father is dying of cancer. Father tells the son that he has had a good long life and wants to stop at the bar on the way home to celebrate it. While at the bar, the father sees several of his friends. He tells them that he is dying of AIDS. When the friends leave the son asks, "Dad, you are dying of cancer. Why did you tell them that you are dying of AIDS?" The father replies, "I don't want them fucking your mother after I'm gone!" 720128 Sat, 05 Jul 2008 17:42:58 -0400 Added: 2008-07-05 17:42:58
Some people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, "My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG." Another guy says, "What's that?" The first guy says, "That means I am a Single, New Age Guy." Another one says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINK. A girl asks, "What's that?" He says, "That means I am a Double Income, No Kids." A lady says, "That's nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE." Larry says, "A WIFE? What's a WIFE?" She says, "That means, "Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc." ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/720128/ SNAG WIFE Some people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, "My name is Larry, and I am a SNAG." Another guy says, "What's that?" The first guy says, "That means I am a Single, New Age Guy." Another one says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINK. A girl asks, "What's that?" He says, "That means I am a Double Income, No Kids." A lady says, "That's nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a WIFE." Larry says, "A WIFE? What's a WIFE?" She says, "That means, "Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc." 720115 Sat, 05 Jul 2008 17:34:34 -0400 Added: 2008-07-05 17:34:34
A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband explained. "She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts." He continued, "She communicates well and I act like I'm listening." ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/720115/ The best course in college A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My wife and I have a great relationship," the husband explained. "She was a communications major in college and I majored in theatre arts." He continued, "She communicates well and I act like I'm listening." 720109 Sat, 05 Jul 2008 17:32:06 -0400 Added: 2008-07-05 17:32:06
What would you rather be, a light bulb or a bowling ball? Depends on whether you'd rather be screwed of fingered. ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/720109/ light bulb vs bowling ball What would you rather be, a light bulb or a bowling ball? Depends on whether you'd rather be screwed of fingered. 720105 Sat, 05 Jul 2008 17:30:46 -0400 Added: 2008-07-05 17:30:46
Why did God create man first? So he wouldn't have to be told how to do it. ]]> http://www.ebaumsworld.com/jokes/read/720105/ Why man came first Why did God create man first? So he wouldn't have to be told how to do it.