Today, at work, I was putting away clothes in the Men's Department, when a guy came and started shopping in the aisle in front of me. He kept staring at me non-stop. Getting fed up, I said "What are you staring at?" Turns out he was wearing his sunglasses on the back of his head. F MY LIFE

Did you just watch David Blaine the Dive of Death. That was the most pointless magic trick every. It sucked more balls than Clay Aiken. If you didnt see i tell you what happen. He hanged upside down for like i think 60 hours. Than jumped for 45 feet to the ground or that what he was supposed to do. But he rea;;y just fell and had a cable on him and it stop him a foot from the ground and it pulled him up into the sky. The lights turned off and came back on a couple moments later, and he was gone. It was stupid.....

PS sorry about my english I am tired and sore from work

My roomate got a assigment today to go to any chruch that is not your own and it has to be a differnent ethnic group. So I said were going to a Black Chruch. And I am going to tape it and put it on ebaumsworld. We are going to dress up in a suit and we are going to bring a friend with us. She is going to wear a big chruch hat. I think this is going to be a great video 3 white people in a huge group of black people jumping and yelling for God. WHat do you guys think?hat should we do at the Chruch?

I hate trolls! I hate them so much i made this video. They are so little they will be easily defeated. So join me! I may be fat and just have a sword but I am a Level 55. AIM at fattiewithasword. LOL this guy is crazy

P.S. This is not me I thought it was hella funny injoy

Wow why is beef train keep getting featured? how much are they paying Eric or are they sucking him off. They have no talent at all. I think they should take some acting classes or just kill themselves. I rather watch the Squeegees..

What do you guys think???

Did anyone just see him on the VMAs peforming his song? How did those pants not fall off? He wore them down under his butt! Why do people were teir pants like that and how do they walk? LiL Wayne even had a belt on...Come on!!!

Later showmaster94

PS I am trying to sel my PS3 for 300 dollars

Brooklyn psychiatric ward where surveillance footage captured a woman falling from her chair, writhing on the floor and dying as workers watched without helping for an hour.

Esmin Green, 49, had been waiting in the emergency room for nearly 24 hours when she toppled from her seat at 5:32 a.m. on June 19 and fell face down on the floor. She was dead by the time someone on the medical staff finally came to her aid.

Green's collapse barely caused a ripple. Other patients waiting a few feet away didn't react. Security guards and a member of the hospital's staff appeared to notice her prone body at least three times, but made no visible attempt to see if she needed help.

One guard didn't even leave his chair, rolling it around a corner to stare at the body, then rolling away a few moments later.

Green, who had been involuntarily committed the previous morning, and had waited overnight for a bed, stopped moving about half an hour after she collapsed.

The New York City Health and Hospitals Corporation, which runs the hospital, said six people have been fired as a result of the incident, including security personnel and members of the medical staff.

Green's medical records raised the possibility that someone might have tried to cover up the circumstances of the death. They contained notations indicating that she was up and about during the time in which the video shows her dying on the floor.

"We are all shocked and distressed by this situation," HHC's president, Alan Aviles, said in a statement. "We express our deep regrets to the patient's family and will ensure a thorough investigation to answer any questions that remain."

Details of the death were disclosed by the hospital on June 20, but the case largely remained unnoticed until the video became public.

The psychiatric unit at Kings County Hospital had already been a subject of complaints by advocates for the mentally ill.

A state agency, the New York State Mental Hygiene Legal Service, filed a lawsuit a year ago, calling the psychiatric center is "a chamber of filth, decay, indifference and danger."

Patients, the suit said, "are subjected to overcrowded and squalid conditions often accompanied by physical abuse and unnecessary and punitive injections of mind-altering drugs."

"From the moment a person steps through the doors," it added, "she is stripped of her freedom and dignity and literally forced to fight for the essentials of life."

The suit was especially critical of the hospital's emergency ward, saying it is so poorly staffed that patients are often marooned there for days while they wait to be evaluated.

Sometimes the unit runs out of chairs, according to the lawsuit, forcing people to wait on foam mats or on the waiting room floor. The suit also claims that bathrooms are filthy and filled with flies, and that patients who complain too loudly are sometimes handcuffed, beaten or injected with psychotropic drugs.

The office of the city's medical examiner said it was still trying to determine why Green died. She had been brought to the hospital suffering from agitation and psychosis, city officials said.

Come on whats wrong with people? If you worked at a place to help people and make them better dont you atleast just try to see if she was ok. Come on the only reason i can think of to explain this, if she was yelling and screaming and making a scene while she waits. But I dont know. what do you guys think?

AUSTELL, Ga. (June 28) - A teenager was decapitated by a roller coaster after he hopped a pair of fences and entered a restricted area Saturday at Six Flags Over Georgia, authorities said.

Six Flags officials are uncertain why the unidentified 17-year-old from Columbia, S.C. scaled two six-foot fences and passed signs that said the restricted area was both off-limits and dangerous to visitors, spokeswoman Hela Sheth said in a news release.

Authorities were investigating reports from witnesses who said the teenager jumped the fences to retrieve a hat he lost while riding the Batman roller coaster, said Cobb County police Sgt. Dana Pierce. Police have declined to release the teenager's name until an autopsy is completed.

Six Flags said it closed the roller coaster after the Saturday afternoon accident out of respect for the teen's family. The ride was expected to reopen on Sunday, according to a Six Flags news release.

Police said the ride was going full-speed when the teen was struck. The ride's top speed is 50 mph, according to the park's Web site.

No one riding on the roller coaster was injured, Sheth said. The teen was with another boy who also entered the restricted area but was not injured, Pierce said.

The teen and his parents were at the park with a group from the Oakey Spring Baptist Church near Springfield, S.C., police said.

In May 2002, 58-year-old groundskeeper Samuel Milton Guyton of Atlanta was killed after he wandered in a restricted area under the Batman roller coaster's path and was struck in the head by the dangling leg of one of the ride's passengers. The ride was closed for a day to allow the federal Occupational Safety and Health Administration to inspect the ride. It was deemed safe for passengers.

In June 2007, a teenager's legs were severed when cables snapped on the Superman Tower of Power ride at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom in Louisville, Ky. Doctors were able to reattach Kaitlyn Lasitter's right foot, but she had to have some of her left leg amputated and subsequent surgeries.

State officials blame a faulty cable and slow response by an amusement park ride operator in the accident. Her family is suing Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom, claiming the park failed to maintain the ride and equipment and ensure riders' safety. The amusement park has denied liability in court filings.

On the night that Barack Obama clinched the Democrat nomination he was in St. Paul, Minnesota – there to deliver this absolute gem of a quote:

"I am absolutely certain that generations from now we will be able to look back and tell our children that this was the moment when we began to provide care for the sick.  This was the moment when the rise of the oceans began to slow and our planet began to heal."

Isn't that amazing?  Not until Barack "The Messiah" Obama signed up that last delegate did this country do anything to care for sick people. Medicare and Medicaid have existed on paper only ... certainly not in reality.  What's more ... a signal has now been sent to the oceans to recede and a great glob of Neosporin has now been spread across our planet.  Does this man believe his own bullshit?  We can only hope not.

By the way ... I'm still waiting for someone to point out one single Obama legislative accomplishment.  Don't rush, I have all the time in the world.

#10 - You can trade in an old 44 for a new 22...

#9 - You can keep one gun at home and have another for when you are on the road...

#8 - If you admire a friend's gun and tell him so, he will probably let you try it out a few times...

#7 - Your primary gun doesn't mind if you keep another gun for a backup...

#6 - Your gun will stay with you even if you run out of ammo...

#5 - A gun doesn't take up a lot of closet space...

#4 - A gun functions normally every day of the month...

#3 - A gun doesn't ask, 'Do these grips make me look fat?'...

#2 - A gun doesn't mind if you go to sleep after you use it...

...AND...the

#1 reason a gun is favored over a woman...............

YOU CAN BUY A SILENCER FOR A GUN!!!

I was happy. My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married.

My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream! There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear.

It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome.

She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.

I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside.

With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family.


"The moral of this story is:"
"Always keep your condoms in your car."

A few polite words of advice for the ladies on the subject of sex !!

1. If you want to cuddle after sex go buy a teddy bear.

2. Swallow. Don't start the race if you ain't gonna finish it.

3. While giving a hand job please remove all rings from your fingers, they hurt really bad.

4. Shave your shit. Seriously, shave it bald.

5. Remember that a little blood never hurt nobody.

6. There is no such thing as a fat, ugly, blow job.

7. If you ask us to any sort of dance that requires that we wear a tie, we expect a sexual favor in return.

8. If you used a vibrator and let us watch it might be the greatest moment of our life.

9. If you wonder why we will not eat you out it is most likely because; it stinks, its hairy, or it stinks and its hairy.

10. You masturbate and we know it. When you do it just let us watch.

11. Birth control is the best invention ever. Start poppin those bitches.

12. Just cause we call you when we are drunk does not mean that we like you. It means that we need some ass.

`13. Guys night out means guys night out. It doesn't mean that you and your friends meet us at the bar later.

14. If you wonder why your ass looks fat in those tight pants its because you have a fat ass.

15. If you are with us and you start to cry for any reason just get up and leave.

16. Don't think that we don't know that after we take you out and you order a salad to make us think you eat healthy that you go home and order pizza with your fat friends.

17. Once again, seriously shave your shit.

18. Just cause you get our dick one night, does not give you any right to get it the next.

19. If we drink too much, we do not need someone to hold our hair back and act like our babysitter. We have puked before and know how to handle it.

20. After we are through with you, do not expect to make us jealous by fucking our friends. We really don't care what you do.

21. If we cheat on you and you never find out about it, then its not cheating.

22. If we cheat on you and you do find out, at least it wasn't with one of your friends.

23. Swallow(just in case you forgot #2 already).

24. We don't have a problem with watching chick flicks as long as we get in your pants after.

25. Never under any circumstance take a shit while you are around us or fart. Just thinking about it makes us sick.

26. While giving us head don't be afraid to fondle our testicles, they don't bite.

27. If you are gonna jerk us off aim properly, a nut can irritate your eye.

28. Always remember that men are the superior sex and back in the day you had to ask us if you could speak.

29. If we're about to have sex and we decline because we don't have a rubber its not because we're scared we're gonna get you pregnant, its that we're scared we're gonna catch something from your dirty skank ass.

30. If you swallow like you should, do not expect us to kiss you after. Sorry that's just the way it is.

31. I don't care if you do have a flavored condom, you just don't give a blow job with a condom on. Would you like us to eat you out with a dental damn?? I didn't think so.

32. If we're doing it doggy style there is no reason to turn around and look at us, we're focused on your ass cheeks and that slapping sound.

33. Blood stains on our bed sheets come off with cold water, so make sure you scrub them thoroughly before leaving.

34. When we go down on you to munch on your rug and we instantly start sucking on the inner thighs rather than the clit, its because your clit smells like a dead trout.

35. If you let us donkey punch you we will owe you for life.

36. Just cause we have sex with you when we are drunk does not mean that you are pretty or that we like you. It means that you were our only choice.

37. If we dance with you for more than 15 minutes at a bar we expect you to come home with us.

38. If you think that you are ugly, we probably do too.

39. Don't count on us saying we love you, its just not going to happen.

40. If for some reason we do say we love you its only because we want to have sex immediately after we say it.

41. Just cause you have our phone number doesn't mean we want you to call us. If we want to talk then we will call you.

42. If you invite us over to watch a movie it would be awesome if we watched a porn instead of a movie.

43. If you can't dance then you most likely suck in bed. So stop trying to dance and start having more sex.

44. Hmmmmm......girls in thongs.......yummmmmmmmmm

45. If you are fat the only way you are going to get anywhere in life is to give great blow jobs. Sorry that's just the way it is.

46. A sure way to keep a guy around for awhile is to have anal sex with him. We can't put into words how it feels.

47. You don't have to ask our permission to make out with another chick. Just do it but make sure we are there to watch.

48. In case you didn't read #4 and #17 let me repeat...Shave your shit!

49. Guys don't have sex or make love, we fuck.

50. You can impress us if you can swallow our entire load without dripping or wiping your mouth afterwards.

The following are all replies that British women have put on Child Support Agency forms in the section for listing father's details. These are genuine excerpts from the forms:

01. Regarding the identity of the father of my twins; child A was fathered by Jim Munson. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of child B, but I believe that he was conceived on the same night.

02. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my child as I was being sick out of a window when taken unexpectedly from behind. I can provide you with a list of names of men that I think were at the party if this helps.

03. I do not know the name of the father of my little girl. She was conceived at a party at 3600 Grand Avenue, where I had unprotected sex with a man I met that night. I do remember that the sex was so good that I fainted. If you do manage to track down the father can you send me his phone number? Thanks.

04. I don't know the identity of the father of my daughter. He drives a BMW that now has a hole made by my stiletto in one of the door panels. Perhaps you can contact BMW service stations in this area and see if he's had it replaced.

05. I have never had sex with a man. I am awaiting a letter from the Pope confirming that my son's conception was immaculate and that he is Christ risen again.

06. I cannot tell you the name of child A's dad, as he informs me that to do so would blow his cover and that would have cataclysmic implications for the British economy. I am torn between doing right by you and right by the country. Please advise.

07. I do not know who the father of my child was as all squaddies look the same to me. I can confirm that he was a Royal Green Jacket.

08. Peter Smith is the father of child A. If you do catch up with him can you ask him what he did with my AC/DC CDs?

09. From the dates it seems that my daughter was conceived at Euro Disney maybe it really is the Magic Kingdom.

10. So much about that night is a blur. The only thing that I remember for sure is Delia Smith did a program about eggs earlier in the evening. If I'd have stayed in and watched more TV rather than going to the party at 146 Miller Drive, mine might have remained unfertilized.

11. I am unsure as to the identity of the father of my baby; after all when you eat a can of beans you can't be sure which one made you fart.

Things to ponder on like..

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor.

If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?

Should crematoriums give discounts for burn victims?

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

If the police arrest a mime, does he still have the right to remain silent?

Do they sterilize the needles for lethal injections?

Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?

If a pit bull humps your leg you’d better fake an orgasm.

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you’re a twat.

Live every day as if it were your last. Eventually you’ll be right.

The easiest way to find something that’s lost is to buy a replacement.

How come when you open a can of evaporated milk it’s still there?

Why is there only one Monopolies commission?

If a thing is worth doing, it would have been done already.

Guns don't kill people - Husbands who come home early kill people.

Why do you press harder on a remote control when you know the battery is dead?

If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?

Why does your gynaecologist leave the room when you get undressed?

Why is it called Alcoholics Anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say, 'My name is Bob, and I am an alcoholic?

Why does mineral water that 'has trickled through mountains for centuries' have a 'use by' date?

Is French kissing in France just called kissing?