As I'm sure many of you may have noticed, I put out a wide variety of comments many of which are offensive, overly long or just plain retarded. Well the joke's on you...HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! I've been conducting research on the responses various types of comments can elicit under some different circumstances in preparation for this guide to being the kind of douche you want to be. Many of the mysterious assholes on here are actually me, I'm not going to tell you who though just to keep it interesting but chances are I have played a character you love and atleast one you hate but alot of other mysterious assholes helped inadvertently with this research. I hope that some of you assholes find this information useful even though my research proves that anything this fucking long will automatically cause 95% of you to stop reading and call me a faggot. Well, since I'm high as hell on home made hash oil right now please forgive my inevitably horrible grammar, misspelling and complete lack of scientific process. Also please don't tell me I'm wasting your time because we both know if you are reading this that your time is completely worthless and you probably work in IT like I do.

So to start it off I'll give you some tips on getting the ever coveted "thumbs up:

1. Always keep your comments under, let's say, 2 lines or roughly 15 words, less is even better. I believe this trend is caused by everyone's favorite mental disease ADHD. Also long comments tend to be pointless rants which brings us to...

2. Nobody gives a fuck what you think or feel about anything and they will make fun of you. If you feel the need to reach out to people and chat about important issues go to a fucking forum so they can make fun of you there.

3. Generally it should have something to do with the post or comment you are commenting on. If you have some kind of comedic gold that you just have to share with people that's completely unrelated then you should probably post it as a joke or blog.

4. It's gotta be funny... obviously. But more so you have to realize that everyone has different senses of humor but most people will respond to base humor because they are stupid. If it's too high brow odds are no one will get it and you will stay at 0 but at least you get to feel like you're not an idiot for a little while.

5. Making a racist comment may get you a few thumbs because again most people are stupid but not every idiot out there is as ignorant as you so make sure it's at least funny.

6. Don't misspell anything ever... I don't know about any of you but I have spell check and for most little mistakes it underlines the word... Right click on that and select the word that looks the most like the word your illiterate ass is trying to spell.

7. Don't correct people's spelling or grammar unless you can do it in a hilarious way otherwise you make a potential enemy and come off like a D-bag.

8. Network... That means sucking a lot of internet cock and stroking a lot of massive egos. This is easy just look at some comments and you'll notice a few are just total ego orgies, if you jump in enough of them your popularity will eventually rise and so will your thumbs.

9. Pretend to be a girl... Not a really fucking hot girl but a girl that is in some way slightly flawed, one that seems approachable. If you are a really hot girl use someone else's ugly picture or everyone will assume you are a guy. You will have a fucking Pop star worthy fan club in no time, no joke. If you can do this well you can pretty much ignore the other rules altogether. It's the most hilarious/pathetic phenomenon I've ever witnessed.

10. Know who you are about to piss off... Some people take shit seriously and if you are one of those shut in psychos that care about their comment ratings then you should avoid pissing popular people off especially any guys that are pretending to be girls because they are bat-shit insane and will make it their life's mission to vote everything you produce down. Don't attack the ad spammers they will vote you down too because just like their marketing tactics they only have one pathetic way to reach you.

11. Creative use of internet buzzwords and popular culture references will get you all kinds of thumbs. Just find a comment with thumbs down and type FAIL and you get thumbs, it's that fucking simple. Family guy, southpark are sure winners you could even go retro and make a comment on something from a cartoons from the 80's because that's when a good portion of us grew up or did alot of cocaine and watched cartoons. People are stupid and stupid people only like what is familiar to them know this and know it well.

12. Avoid everything on the following list. Yeah obviously what will get you thumbs down and will not get you thumbs up and this ridiculous explanation may be totally unnecessary but since you've made it this far I'm going to have to assume you're a fucking total retard.

If you just love pissing people off, "thumbs down" can be a great indicator of just how many people are either disgusted, embarrassed, repulsed or angered by the garbage you made them read. Here's how to get them:

1. Post humongous comments... They can be horrible stories of child rape and murder (thanks for the research Uncle Otis), pointless arguments, long rants or Wikipedia copy/pastes just make sure that they are so long that you have to continue them in a reply to your original post. Most people won't even read it they will just give you thumbs down because it scares them.

2. Caps lock aka cruise control to cool. People love this... Just kidding they will thumbs down the funniest shit you can come up with if you abuse capital letters. Apparently when stupid people read they hear voices in their heads and caps makes it a YELLING VOICE so they hear YELLING AHHHHHHHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH!!1!1! Exclamation points piss people off too you can throw in a 1 or two for good measure.

3. Be stupid as hell. You really have to sell it and make it seem like it isn't mocking or intentional to be funny. Over/under use commas. Misspell things constantly while you are correcting other people's spelling. Comment on things as if you were someone who has no idea what they are talking about but is sure that they are right. Sure way to win.

4. Be a cocky guido/gangsta douchebag (iasfrepiv you smell like a genious to me). Everyone hates Guidos, even their fat permed out chainsmoking mothers.

5. Threaten people with physical violence that you know you will never be able to deliver, offer to meet them and then turn out to be a fat loser with a fat hideous family. (JC was an excellent example but, in my opinion, would have been much better if he had a blowout)

6. Spout religious bullshit... Everyone has some sort of belief system but noone wants to hear about your's SO FORCE IT DOWN THEIR THROAT.

7. Post irrelevant nonsense. Careful here though, since most people are stupid some people might find this hilarious.

8. Pretend to be a girl... But obviously be a guy. Offer to meet up with guys and then tell them you are a guy and laugh at them and humiliate them because they hit on a guy. I love this one because it's so fucking hypocritically homosexual.

9. Pedophile... pretend to be one.

10. Quantity not quality...Spam crappy comments the less funny they are the better.

11. Start the ball rolling... I know, I know, "He keeps saying how stupid everyone is, he must be angry and fat" well I'm not angry, I love stupid people because they are easy to manipulate and I'm not saying I'm a genious but come on if you don't agree with that fact then chances are you're a fucking lackwit. Wow, tangent; anyways, vote your own comment down then people will follow their lemming instincts and be more inclined to add their negative vote.

12. Just be the opposite of cool in every way imaginable. (thanks shoprite... I couldn't do it better)

So that pretty much sums it up... Follow either one and you can bask in the meaningless comment rating you will be raking in and yeah they're fucking meaningless except for the ordering options in the scroll down and the potential to get the comment blocked if it drops too far down. You can't even trade them in for a mustang like the ereps so wow what a douche you are for reading a guide on how to get them.