* Mind if I use your laptop?
* Just stick it in my box.
* If I have to lick one more, I'll gag!
* I want it on my desk NOW!
* HHMMMMM....I think it's out of fluid.
* My equipment is so old, it takes forever to finish.
* It's an entry level position.
* When do you think you'll be getting off today?
* It's not fair... I do all the work while he just sits there.
(For English speakers travelling to China. This should help.)
Dung On Mai Shu = I stepped in shit.
Ai Wan Tu Bang Yu = Let's sleep together.
Ai Bang Mai Ne = I bumped into the coffee table.
Fat Ho = An unattractive woman.
Ar U Wun Tu = A gay liberation greeting.
Chin Tu Fat = You need a face lift.
Chow Mai Dong = Blow me.
Dum Gai = A stupid person.
Wel Hung Gai = Is that a banana in your pocket?
Won Hung Low = Southern Chinese dialect for Welcome.
Gun Pao Der = An ancient Chinese invention.
Hu Flung Dung = Which one of you fertilized the field?
Hu Yu Hai Ding = We have reason to believe you are harboring a fugitive.
Jan Ne Ka Sun = A former late night talk show host.
Kum Hia = Approach me.
Lao Ze Sho = Gilligan's Island.
Lao Zi = Not very good.
Lin Ching = An illegal exec ... Read more ...
I know this sounds more like a joke but would you do the three tests in here for tens of thousands of dollars?
A new guy in town walks into a bar and notices a very large jar behind the bar. It's filled to the brim with ten dollar bills. The man guesses there must be thousands of dollars there...He approaches the bartender and asks him: "What's up with the jar?"
Bartender: "Well, you pay ten dollars and if you pass three tests then you get all of the money."
Man: "What are the three tests?"
Bartender: Pay first. Those are the rules."
So the guy gives him the ten bucks and the bartender adds it to the jar with the other bills...
Bartender: "Ok, here's what you have to do. First you have to drink that whole gallon of pepper tequila, the WHOLE thing at once AND, you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove it with your bare hands. Third, there's a 90-year-old woman ... Read more ...
1. But everybody looks funny naked!
2. You woke me up for that?
3. Did I mention the video camera?
4. Do you smell something burning?
5. (in a janitor's closet) And they say romance is dead...
6. Try breathing through your nose.
7. A little rug burn ever hurt anyone!
8. Is that a Medic-Alert Pendant?
9. Sweetheart, did you lock the back door?
10. But whipped cream makes me break out. Person 2: Yeah.. today
12. (in the No Tell Motel) Hurry up! This room rents by the Hour!
13. Can you please pass me the remote control?
14. Do you accept Visa?
15. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ
16. On second thought, let's turn off the lights.
17. And to think- I was really trying to pick up your friend!
18. So much for mouth-to-mouth.
19. (using body paint) Try not to leave any stains, okay?
20. Hope you're as good looking ... Read more ...
ACTIVITY / CALORIES BURNED
REMOVING CLOTHES..
With partners' consent 12
Without partners' consent 187
UNHOOKING BRA..
Using two calm hands 7
Using one trembling hand 96
GETTING INTO BED..
Lifting partner 15
Dragging partner along floor 16
Using skateboard 3
ACHIEVING ERECTION..
For a normal healthy man 2.5
For a normal healthy woman 549
Losing erection 0.5
Searching for it 115
PUTTING ON RUBBER..
With erection 1.5
Without erection 300
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM..
If the woman who does it is:
Experienced 6
Inexperienced 72
If a man does it, regardless of experience 680
(add 5 calories for retrieving it from across the room!)
With womans consent 50
Without womans consent 300
INSERTION..
If woman is ready 0.5
If man is not 274
ORGASM..
Real 27
Faked 160 ... Read more ...
