In honor of "Bloodsport" being shown for the 500th time on Versus right now, I'd like to list my top five favorite Jean Claude Van Damme movie cliches.

5.  The viewer is regularly reminded throughout the film that despite his thick accent, JCVD's character is actually American.  The reason is usually made clear through a backstory at the beginning, explaining how he has an accent but has resided in America most of his life, and has red, white and blue flowing through his veins.  This is reinforced throughout the movie by lines like "He is American shit head who make trick with brick" or "I cannot train you.  You are American, and Americans have swelled heads...Especially when hanging upside down for too long."

4.  He swears to avenge his brother or close friend that was killed or grievously injured, establishing a motive for massive amounts of ass kicking other than "because he can".  His love interest cries and tells him he's an idiot, making his character more of a lone wo ... Read more ...

I could be the weather girl at my local news station, because I know for certain when it's going to rain:  Whenever I have tickets to the game at Fenway Park.  Granted I only go to about ten games a year, but ten days out of 365 of dead on weather prediction is more than enough to mark the career of a reliable meteorologist.

The weathermen on the tv and internet all agree that it doesn't look good for the game tonight at all.  Thunderstorms will roll in at 5:00, and carry on throughout the duration.  Normally I wouldn't put too much faith into this, but the ticket in my hand is the omen that tells me it's true.  Therefore, I'm staying home tonight.

I'm sure many out there will tell me that's the literal definition of a fair-weather fan, but experience has told me that owners will wait until the crowd shows up and spends money on parking, parkas, and park souveniers before calling it.  I don't live close enough to the park to take the T in, so while I can avoid spending money on those last two ... Read more ...

Does it seem to anyone else like the amount of very attractive and overly-agreeable women at this site is highly improbable?  I can't begrudge people for wanting to escape their real lives on this site, but recently I've seen several of these said females, typically from the feature page troll crowd, submitting pictures of themselves, holding up handwritten signs with their username and a message that said "See!  I told you I was a hot girl!" and everyone accepts it as fact.  You would think there'd be at least one guy that would call bullshit, but no!  The designated asshole will say something like "I stand corrected.  Now that we know the truth, would you like to carry my love child?"

Now some of you know that I've said before that I'm a female.  Whether or not you believe that is entirely up to you, because despite several requests, I will not be posting a picture of myself any time soon.  I'm fully aware that some will take that to mean that I am 600 lbs. with 152 pock marks on my face, ... Read more ...

I tried playing a Sims game once.  I found myself getting bored quickly, as I realized how much waiting was involved with playing it the "right way".  So I restarted my game, constructed a house with no doors, no bathrooms and no food.  I put a hillbilly family of about twenty-five in as inhabitants.  They milled about aimlessly, got into an occasional argument, and pissed on the floor.  Eventually they all died of disease or starvation.  I chuckled, turned the power off and didn't look at the game again.

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The first time I'd read Seanbaby's work, it was by accident.  I was a senior in college in my first half of the year (circa 2003), and I needed inspiration for my senior illustration thesis that was based on old-school video games.  I wound up picking up a copy of EGM off of the magazine rack at Stop & Shop to peruse the illustrations inside, but found that the real gem was printed on the last page.  Apparently it was some guy's job to rip apart all of t ... Read more ...

*Repost numero dos.*

Men and women have different releases that need to be performed on a regular basis in order to keep them from murdering people.  The final result of both of these releases is the secretion of bodily fluid.  These are different fluids, and the one that applies to males should be obvious, if not the first conclusion your mind led you to.  The female secretion is less obvious to most.  The fluid us women need to periodically rid our bodies of is tears.  Women need to cry, why, I do not know.  In fact, many women will deny this fact until they're blue in the face, but it's true.  As there is no shame for men and women in having these human needs, there are also many other similarities between them:    

* Both needs are not readily understood by members of the opposite sex.  In fact, if a significant other catches their lover alone and engaged in the activity, they immediately assume it's their own fault due to lack of a fulfilling relationship.  Resentment and the ex ... Read more ...