And by doing "it", I mean your mom, because all the cool kids are doing her.

You get it? You will when you're older, I promise.

No, really, the reason I'm writing this blog is because, as all the other cool kids are doing, I want to be a moderator.

And here's why:

Ellimem is a goblin. Obviously, it's quite a challenge to uncover a goblin's disguise without the proper laser imaging equipment and cloves of garlic, but look at the facts:

He's from Ireland.

He lives in a zinc mine.

He's hiding a stash of rare boy-bones, collected from Catholic orphanages, in the sublevel of his abandoned zinc mine.

That's why, eBaumsworld, it's time for a CHANGE. It's time to do away with the old-world politics of yesteryear, and to build a new administration on a foundation of HOPE and Goblin-hate.

Pay no attention to the Cabin ... Read more ...

So you all probably know how much of a degerate liberal I can be. I also don't pretend to know a thing about the military, which brings me to the point of this blog.

Anyhoo...

I, like every other liberal in the country, don't agree with the Iraq war. It costs us $8 billion a month and, while it's appearing to slow down, it's responsible for the deaths of 4500 Americans.

Straight up leaving seems like a great idea on the surface: no more money spent, no more dying.

That said, when we ousted the former government, we sparked a shitstorm of sectarian violence (did anyone even know of Muqtada Al-Sadr more than two years ago?) and set up an already-dwindling democracy (remember when they tried to have elections over there?). There's an article on the BBC right now where they quote a militia leader, Sheikh Sabah al-Shamari who says, "We like the coalition. They brought security here; if they don't stay we'll have the Iranians and al-Qaeda. We still need them."

Here's why I hate Guitar Hero and a number of other things.

As you might know from reading other blogs, I'm a sort-of gigging (I'd take away the sort-of if they'd pay me any real money, but it's only my first year anyways) musician feller. For those of you who know them, I've sat in with Clarence Spady, Bob Margolin (Muddy Waters' guitarist), Jason Ricci, and some locally-known fellows. I play guitar, I can sing a little, and if they've got a spare mic (since I'm too cheap to buy my own), I play the stomping boot, too

Most musicians I know hate Guitar Hero (and Rock Band) because it projects the image that all the effort they put into music is made useless by this game, and those who play the game fancy themselves as legendary musicians, rockstars and the like. With that, I disagree (and that's the most positive thing I'll say about the game). Almost all of my friends play it, and none of them (but one) think that they could do anything with an actual guitar ... Read more ...

There was a blog recently where, in the comment section, people were arguing over which band was "the most innovative" and whatnot. I'd like this pseudo-blog's comment section to be about who you think is the most innovative, and why, citing what musical traits they have that they haven't stolen from another. Then musical afficionados, 12 year old MEGADEATH lovers, and 50-year-old balding Skynyrd/Vaughan ex-roadies are free to flame as they like.

By "most innovative", I mean in today's limited, manufactured music scene.

My personal choice is Joe Satriani, and I'm only thinking this now after having bought his last one, "Professor Satchafunkilus and the Musterion of Rock". It's a rock album, for sure, but some songs, namely "Musterion", "Come On Baby", and "Professor Satchifunkilus" have faint blues-isms and a strong jazz thrust in the way that he solos over the key changes. In fact, if it weren't for the distortion and the lack of painful dissonance to someone who's never hea ... Read more ...

I sit here, bored to death, wondering about what people are playing these days on the series of tubes that is the internet.

So, uh, what are you people playing? List your gear, the style you play, if you're at least semi-professional, and all that crazy shit.

Before you go wild and start listing all your Marshall half-stacks and Jackson shred-facilitators, here's some stuff to consider before you start getting your self-indulgent list on, as I'm about to do in a minute.

My style of music, blues, has been so ruthlessly bastardized in the past couple years that I've wanted to establish something for a while now.

If you play Allman Brothers, Grateful Dead, Stevie Ray Vaughan, Gary Moore, Eric Clapton (sometimes), Chuck Berry, Led Zeppelin, Elvis Presley, or Jerry Lee Lewis cover tunes, you're not playing blues. You're ... Read more ...