Today was different than most days. I woke up feeling good and brushed my teeth. The birds were singing and I was not menstruating. I made the usual breakfast with ham and stuff and I took a shit while I ate. My dog wanted to go out and I let him  outside. He had a bologna string hanging out of his ass but I just left it there. I figured he would eat it later.

                   My dog is a mut meaning I do not know what breed it is.  I don't care either and I hope the fucking thing gets ran over by a truck. After shitting I took what was left breakfast outside to eat on the steps in front of the door. There was a big fat black woman outside showing more skin than I appreciated and I just sat there and ate hoping she wouldn't speak. She had two little kids and they didn't have shoes on. They were walking in trash. Trash that the god damn mut had strewn all over the lawn. But as they say here in the apartments. "A Mexican will clean it up."

             All of a sudden on ... Read more ...

As of may 15 I will be unemployed. I don't know what to do. They are closing my office down. I don't think I can work anywhere else. I am going to get unemployment. I can get it and it is fun and good. And I want one of those food cards. God damn this is going to feel good. 

I wish I had like 7 fucking loud mouthed kids that I would never bathe and let them fuck up the store while I pinch penny's on my food stamp card. I can live off of mack and cheese. I was thinking of getting like a fucking side of cow and maybe trading it for crack. I mean If I sold crack I would most certainly give out a fat 50 rock a side of cow. Damn I can get high for minutes.

They say I have to actively seek employment whilst I suck off the fat of the land. This is fun and good. I have no problem with this what-so-ever. I will apply at Mcdonald's and request a CEO position. I will always apply for either CEO or just write Donald Trump as a position.  Hopefully after this year Brother Bama will tack another year on. B ... Read more ...

I swat fly's at all family gatherings

I keep the fly's off the porch

I swat these fly's see

All day long

I smackem with my hand sometimes

Wipe it on my pants

I sleep to the sounds  of a bug zapper

Zapping these fly's

When they don't die

I get to torture them

Pull off their wings

And a couple of legs

Watch them stagger around

Then I get to swat when I want to

One time I put some on my Ice cream and ate it.

Hey guys I am gonna kill myself. Life is such shit. My mom found me in a dumpster and my wife yelled at me because I wouldn't go learn how to mariachi dance. This last blog of mine better be some brilliant mark twain bullshit because it will be my last. But it won't its gonna fucking suck.

I decided I am going to hang myself with christmas lights while I go help my dad with the lights on the house. I figured hanging myself with christmas lights would be kind of festive. You know  the birth of Christ,  death of me. It may make all of the children happy. I know it will make you guys happy and that makes me cry a little more while I write this.

These are teardrops 0 0 0 0 0

I just cant take it anymore.

Plus I had four bowls of chili so if my boweles release when I break my neck I will shit massive.

But I had this angel come sown and show me how cool shit would be with me dead. Somehow the butterfly effect would end the recession and all gl ... Read more ...

Wont you wash that greasy beaver

I called green peace

They don't want a piece of that greasy beaver

Your sister is an otter

Swimming in the remnants

Of your rural poop water shit creek

That swamp ass gives me diaper rash

As uncomfortable as your vagina makes me

Then we make love

Slap your tail against my log

Build a dam in my prostate

I'm all stopped up