You ever wonder about an ex girlfriend, and what has become of her life?  Not in an obsessive, creepy, hide-and-jack-off in the bushes sort of way.  Like you hadn't thought about her in some time, you can't remember the last time she even crossed your mind, then one day you get drunk and look her up on myspace or you call a mutual friend just to find out some juicy details?  No?  Well, fuck you then.

But that's what's happening with me right now.

I just dropped in here to see what has become of the blog section since I left it, and to use the above analogy, this bitch got fat, ugly and lonely.  She doesn't get laid anymore, and her snatch probably smells like rotting cheese and festering decay.  The bitch gets drunk by herself and sings karaoke at the bowling alley, then passes out in the dumpster after she gives head to the homeless guy out back.  This blog section is embarrassing.  Randy Orton workout?  Copy pasta news stories?  Come on.

When I first left I missed this place.  I spen ... Read more ...

So, I took a road trip over the past 3 days and I get online for the first time since Wednesday and I see the sky has fallen on EBW.  FUCK!  I had to drive 500 miles for a job interivew in another city, and no one has power in this city because of snow storms, so this is my first chance to log in, on someone else's computer no less.   At first I was excited because I discovered one of my uploads had been featured in my absense, but that excitement was short lived once I discovered THE MOTHERFUCKING APOCALYPSE OF EBW.  Against my better judgement, here's my email:  John_C_Cox82@yahoo.com  please e-mail me if you feel like it. 

I am JohnnyBax, and FUCK YOU ZVUE FOR FIRING EBAUM!

I just read a story in the LATimes about a woman who has lost custody of her kids because of the U.S. Patriot Act.  Yes, she was declared... a terrorist (cue the dramatic hamster music)!  Her crime?  She spanked her children and used profanity in public.

Dear God in heaven, how could she?

In short, the lady and her children were on a flight in 2007 to Denver, and the kids were fighting over the window shade when they spilled her Bloody Mary in her lap.  I too, would understandably be pissed.  The woman proceeded to swat her kids on the thigh.

Then, a flight attendant confronted the woman and told her to stop abusing her kids.  The woman then proceeded to use profanity and throw an empty can of tomato juice on the floor.  The woman was arrested and spent three months in prison before pleading guilty to her felony.  As a result of this incident, she has lost custody of her children.

So let's recap:  Spanking your kid for acting like a fool in public, using pro ... Read more ...

This is the first blog I've ever written like this, but maybe it's just because I'm in a sentimental mood.

Lately, and more frequently I might add, there has been a flood of bitch blogs about how crappy the recent features are.

This is not one of those blogs.

Like a lot of us I've been coming here for years and instead of bitching, I want to talk about the old media, and more specifically... what was it about this site that originally made you want to keep coming back? 

Memes usually don't have a long shelf-life, and the bigger the meme the faster it becomes un-funny.  Think Chuck Norris jokes or Tay Zonday.  But the funniest video I think I ever saw on this site several years ago will always be funny to me, and it was nowhere to be found on the site today when I searched for it.  I uploaded it for the sake of this blog, and if it's already on the site, please forgive me for my duplicate media sins.

The video that got me hooked to eBaums was the very first piece of media ... Read more ...

This is inspired by Eshel's ghost story, and I may reveal too much personal information about myself by telling it, but here goes.

I grew up in a little, tiny backwood town in the middle of Kentucky called Campbellsville.  And next to Campbellsville is an even smaller, almost forgotten community of a few dozen people called Spurlington.  The only attraction Spurlington has to offer is a giant hole in a mountain called the Spurlington Tunnel.

Supposedly this tunnel is haunted by the ghost of a woman named Nancy Bass, or at least that's the story everyone knows by heart who was raised in that area.  But before I can tell you about Nancy Bass, you have to know about the tunnel.

In the mid to late 1800's, around the conclusion of the Civil War, the citizens of my little town decided to lay train tracks in order to connect with the nearby town of Lebanon.  The only problem was this giant fucking mountain separating the two towns.  So, a crew of workers slaved away day and night to dig a hol ... Read more ...