Hello again everyone,

It has now been a little over a week since my unexpected racial revelation.  I have found that my own racist thoughts were a reflection of how I percieved the world around me.  This is the third of possibly many blogs to help me get over racism and to help me have a better understanding of myself and what influenced my thoughts and behaviour towards rationalization of judgement by race.

As I said in my first blog, I attended Detroit public Schools for a short time, during which I would get my ass kicked just about every day during recess.  Those types of things dont just happen at any normal school, usually if theres a fight, its broken up and the kids are getting in trouble, not there.  I remember on more than one occasion being beaten up and trying to tell the playground security (or whatever role that person had) about it, and them just acting like I was invisible. 

One day, all of a sudden there was this 6th grader following me around everywhere I went during recess, he was this chubby black kid that didnt say a word to me, he just followed me at an inconspicuous distance.  Finally, a boy came up to me and started messing with me, right away the chubby 6th grader ran up to him, grabbed him, threw him on the ground and proceeded to kick the shit out of him.  I figured that one out pretty quick, he was my bodyguard.  That was the solution, there was nothing else that could be done by the administration, they obviously told this student to beat the shit out of anyone that messed with me, pretty fucking nuts if you think about it.  But, after a couple days I started to take advantage of the whole bodyguard thing and decided to get my revenge, sicking him on kids that would even look at me the wrong way.  Needless to say I was shit out of luck after the school caught wind, they took my bodyguard away and the ass kickings continued.

This type of thing has happened in the past, only the scripts were flipped.  Back when we finally started practicing equal rights, when the Rosa Parks incident marked the beginning of the modern civil rights movement against racial segregation.  The handful of blacks who attended white schools were constantly being harassed, beaten up, spit on, and even lynched. 

These things that happened to me were wrong and should never happen to anyone, black or white.  Maybe I'm looking too deep into it, but thats what im doing this for.  I am trying to learn from myself, and to find out what caused myself to judge certain individuals based on my perception of their role in society and how that has affected my life.  Getting beaten up because your white is the same thing as getting beaten up because your black, no matter how you look at it, it's wrong.  Whether this offends you or not, I don't care, I am simply commenting on how I interpret the world through past experiences and describing how it has made me a racist prick. I don't necessarily blame anyone or anything, not even myself.