Actual exchanges between pilots and control towers

**************************** Tower: "TWA 2341, for noise abatement turn right 45 Degrees."

TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?"

Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a 727?"

************************** From an unknown aircraft waiting in a very long takeoff queue: "I'm f...ing bored!"

Ground Traffic Control: "Last aircraft transmitting, identify yourself immediately!"

Unknown aircraft: "I said I was f...ing bored, not f...ing stupid!"

*************************** O'Hare Approach Control to a 747: "United 329 heavy, your traffic is a Fokker, one o'clock, three miles, Eastbound."

United 329: "Approach, I've always wanted to say this...I've got the little Fokker in sight."

************************* A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long rollout after touching down.

San Jose Tower noted: "America ... Read more ...

Arachnopeptic fit (n.) The frantic dance performed just after you've accidently walked through a spider web. Bozone (n.) The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. Cashtration (n.) The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. Caterpallor (n.) The colour you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating Decaflon (n.) The gruelling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. Dopelar Effect (n.) The tendancy of stupid ideas to seem smarter when you come at them rapidly. Extraterrestaurant (n.) An eating place where you feel you've been abducted and experimented on. Also known as ET'ry. Faunacated (adj.) How wildlife ends up when its environment is destroyed. Hence faunacatering (n.), which has made a meal of many species. Grantarctica (n.) The cold, isolated place where arts companies ... Read more ...

Some times while flying the flight attendants will say some rather funny remarks, here are some that might make you want to pay attention to the flight crew a little more next time you fly.

1. "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."2. "Your seat cushions can be used for flotation, and in the event of an emergency water landing, please take them with our compliments."3. "We do feature a smoking section on this flight; if you must smoke, contact a member of the flight crew and we will escort you to the wing of the airplane."4. "Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."5. Pilot - "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight patt ... Read more ...

Looking at the presidential race you seriously have to look at both McCain and Obama closely to see exactly who is boing to become the president. 

It's fairly obvious that McCain is old as hell.  So he's probably going to die of old age if he becomes president, and then we will be left with a hot gilf running the country.

Now look at Obama.  He's black.  You know some rasist is going to shoot him.  Cool thing about Obama is that he will shoot back.  So then we're left with what we're used to running the USA.  Some wealthy lawyer.

Either way, you really have to look at the vice presidential candidates to see who will be president.  So who do you want... a gilf or a lawyer.

So what the fuck happened lately with news reporters?  Every time I watch a local news channel they have hotter and hotter girls on there reporting the news.  Since when did news reporters get hot?  They even have big tits now!  When the hell did that happen?  I didn't mind watching the news before, but now with all the hot reporters it's addicting!  Like womens beach volleyball, ya just gotta watch it.