Here is some thing i got in my email that i think you guys might like.

 

 

A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups And set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of little boy 'Mister,' he said, 'I want to buy one of your puppies.' 'Well,' said the farmer, As h e rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, 'These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money.' The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, He pulled out a handful of change And held it up to the farmer. 'I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?' 'Sure,' said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. 'Here, Dolly!' he called. Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little ball ... Read more ...

1: When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take her someplace expensive.....so, I took her to a gas station..... and that's how the fight started.... 2: I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $14.95. Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream. And that's how the fight started. 3: After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at home. I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would have to go home and come back later. The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'. So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me' and she processed my Social Security application. When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my experience at the Social Sec ... Read more ...

Another funny story from Darwin!

 

I work in a geology lab with very smart people. James can tell you the petrogenetic peculiarities of low-alkali tholeiitic basalt after hydrothermal alteration. But our hero James recently demonstrated that there is a significant difference between intelligence and common sense.

While casting about for ways to rid himself of a pesky wasp nest, his eye fell upon his trusty Dirt Devil vacuum cleaner. Armed with this fearsome weapon, James attacked the wasp nest. He sucked up all the wasps, who buzzed angrily as they struggled in vain against the wind-tunnel. The dustbag was soon alive with their buzzing.

James now found that he had a new problem: to wit, a vacuum cleaner bag full of live, disgruntled wasps. He had to find a way to kill them before he could safely turn off the vacuum. And while his previous idea was merely ill-considered, his next was a moronic masterpiece.

He held the vacuum tube in one hand, a can of RAID in the other, an ... Read more ...

Got this stor from the Darwin Awards site, thought I would share.

This account is a testament to the intelligence teenagers, who are prone to recklessness--a fact I should have borne in mind. Six years ago, on a Sunday afternoon, our gang of five had taken it into our brains that, since we live near the sea, it would be fun to play on the cliffs. We took turns riding our bikes up to the cliff edge and braking at the last possible moment, the object being a typical competition between young males. The drop to the water was over one hundred feet. After one boy almost flew off the cliff, we made it 'safer' by tying rope around our waists, attached to separate pegs anchored securely in the ground. This, we thought, would avert trouble. Uh huh. One boy's bike squeaked terribly when he braked, and it was getting on everyone's nerves. So he took care of the squeak in an ingenious way: he oiled the brakes. Some of you might already realise that this presents another problem, but we didn't see it. When it wa ... Read more ...

I'll get a world record for this.

Let me reach in and get your watch out of the printing press.

Hey there's no handles inside these car doors!

Gee, that's a cute tattoo.

Here's my Kent State student ID.

It's fireproof.

He's probably just hibernating.

What does this button do?

I'm making a citizen's arrest.

Can we get a vision plan?

So, you're a cannibal.

It's probably just a rash.

Why am I standing on a plastic sheet?

Are you sure the power is off?

... Read more ...