I need to buy a rear seat for my Mustang. I got fucked last nite at the bar. I knew I had to much to drink and drive, so I decided to be responsable and sleep it off in my car...plus I couldnt find my keys. At some point while I was asleep someone got in my car and pissed all on my crotch. I woke up 7am soaked in urine with a foul taste of cheap licker and latex. I climbed out of the car, ripped my back seat out and left it on the side of the road. Got back in,pulled my keys out of the cd player and started home wondering why someone would piss on me. I have tan seats.
For everyone who has ever had an evaluation or performance review just remember, it could have been worse. These are actual quotes taken from United States Federal Government employee performance evaluations:
1. "Since my last report, this employee has reached rock-bottom and has started to dig."
2. "I would not allow this employee to breed."
3. "This employee is really not so much of a has-been, but more of definite won't be."
Saturday night I joined my best bros down in Georgia and promptly set foot on one of the most mad weekends of the last decade.It started with the exploration of a old barn. We found some carburator cleaner and Mike ended up spraying Me in the face with it, just about the time I landed on a gallon of race fuel and returned fire,top off,promply drenching Mike in petrol. Many belly laughs later, during a lull,Mike decided to have a cig. "Mike dont LIGHT that cigarette." "Mike DON'T LIGHT that CIGARETTE." "oh damn" And then Mike was on fire. That shirt came over his head so fast it didn't even get the chance to singe his hair. And then I grabbed it and danced like a madman waving fire in circles and throwing it in air and catching it and tossing it to whomever was close by, until it was all just little flaming bits around us on the ground.
We walked down to where the horses were and I rode a donkey until he bucked me off.I promptly found the wildest horse and approached him. ... Read more ...
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