My buddy (who has a contact in the Adult Cinema Industry and also has a fascination with Brazilian butts -- it's a rare thing for an Asian guy to appreciate a round tan booty in a thong!) hooked me up with a pass to the Erotic Expo.
The best toy they had there was the penis toss. It was a rubber appendage that sticks to the floor and you toss rings on it.
I collected all sorts of free stuff. Whatever they gave out, I took. Promotional DVDs, key chains, flyers, posters, magazines. Most of the booths were companies selling their DVDs. But there was a booth for a law firm! Weird. I thought there should have been a booth for a plastic surgeon. With live models to show off their work.
The scariest thing was when me and my buddies took a wrong turn. The place was a big room with lots of hallways leading to other big rooms. ... Read more ...
I was used. I was used for cuddling. She got what she wanted. But what about what I want. What about sex?
We held each other in bed. We spooned. We caressed. All that crap she wanted to do. But when it came to something I wanted. Something I find emotionally fulfilling... she's all like "But I hardly know you!" But you know me well enough to snuggle!
My friends have lost all respect for me. They're calling me a cuddle-slut. That I give ALL men a bad name.
And they're right. From now on, I will NEVER cuddle with a bim until she shows me she's SERIOUS about blowing me.
Because girls will say or do ANYTHING to get the cuddle. They will talk all kinds of shit about what they will do to you once you get home if only ... Read more ...
When girls sleep with somebody they always say stuff like: We were out partying, having a few drinks when "the next thing your know..." To girls, it's "the next thing you know" But to us guys, there's a lot of work that we put into "the next thing you know"!!!
We gotta make you laugh, we gotta listen to your stories, we gotta stay awake and the hardest thing for us guys to do is to not say something stupid. Because as guys, we are always one stupid sentence away from ruining everything. Thats why when Im on a date, I keep my mouth shut!
This girl was like "You're really quiet. Are you shy?"
ME: No, no, no Im just keeping my mouth shut... you know,
so I can have sex with you...... Damn it! You tricked me!
Over the weekend the CPD towed my car away.Bullshit! It wasnt even my fault. The only reason they towed it was because I hate reading.
I dont mind reading a sentence here or there or even a brief paragraph. But this fucking sign was like a calculus textbook. Full of numbers and words. I dont have that kind of patience! Or math background!
This was on a Saturday night. The sign said:
NO Parking 7am-7pm M-F
1 Hour parking 8am-9pm including Sunday
NO Standing 6am-7pm excluding Sunday
NO Parking 9am-10pm including Sunday, leapd ... Read more ...
10 - An idiot sued Michael Jordan because he says Michael Jordan looks like him. This supposedly causes people everywhere to approach him.
He sued Michael Jordan AND the founder of Nike, Phil Knight, for $832 million dollars.
And guess who was the lawyer representing this moron?
Himself.
You know your multi-million dollar case is retarded when you can't even get a lawyer.
If this dude had even 1 braincell, he would use his Michael Jordan look-alike status to make money. Like by standing in Times Square in New York City and selling autographs to stupid tourists. Or by getting free meals at every restaurant.
Obviously this numbskull enjoys the attention because he shaves his head like Michael Jordan and also wears an earring.
Hey dope! You can't sue somebody because you look like them!
This would be like if Rosie O'Donnell sued the moon. Or if Paris Hilton sued an anorexic pelican.
