I was reading about this years funniest news headlines and decided I would share them with everyone here on eBaumsWorld.  ENJOY!

1. Crack Found on Governor's Daughter 2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says 3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers 4. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? 5. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Take Over 6. Miners Refuse to Work after Death 7. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant 8. War Dims Hope for Peace 9. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile 10. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures 11. Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide 12. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges 13. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge 14. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group 15. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft 16. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks 17. CIA Probes Intelligence Leak in Failed Operation 18. Local High School Dropouts Cut in Half 19. Hospitals are Sued by 7 Foot Doctors 20. Typhoon Rips Through Cemetery; Hundreds Dea ... Read more ...

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16.  I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, "No, this is my first time." So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty. "Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door, and locked it. Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. "Do these excite you?" she asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on. As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. "Well, come on", she said, "We do ... Read more ...

I read this a while back somewhere and then today I stumbled across it again.  It still makes me smile when I read it, so I figured I would share it with everyone else.

Below is a list of questions followed by the answers given by children.  Some of them definitely put life in perspective.

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming. -- Alan, age 10 No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with. -- Kristen, age 10 WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED? Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then. -- Camille, age 10 HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. -- Derrick, age 8 ... Read more ...

I didn't do my homework because...

*I didn't do my history homework because I don't believe in dwelling on the past.*I didn't want the other kids in the class to look bad.*A sudden gust of wind blew my homework out of my hand and I never saw it again.*Another pupil fell in a lake and I jumped in to rescue him. Unfortunately, my homework drowned.*Our furnace broke and we had to burn my homework to keep ourselves from freezing.*I'm not at liberty to say why.*I wanted to frame the detention letter you're about to give me.*It was destroyed in a freak accident involving a hippo, a toaster, and a bag of frozen peas. You don't want to know the details.*I have a solar-powered calculator, and it was cloudy.*I made a paper plane out of it and it got hijacked.*My mom used it as a dryer sheet.*My agent won't allow me to publish my homework until the movie deal is finalized.*It's against my religion to do any homework.*I was abducted by green-skinned, three-eyed, pig-snouted space aliens, and th ... Read more ...

Roses are red, violets are blue,

sugar is sweet, and so are you.

But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead,

the sugar bowls empty and so is your head.

After you, my love, my only prize.

Would be a bullet between my eyes.

Of loving beauty you float with grace.

If only you could hide your face.

I thought that I could love no other.

Until, that is, I met your brother.

Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.

This describes everything youre not.

I love your smile, your face, and your eyes

Damn, Im good at telling lies!

Every time I see your face.

I wish I were in outer space.

My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife:

Marrying you screwed up my life.

Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt,

If its true, Id prefer you inside out.

I see your face when I am dreaming.

Thats why I always wake up screaming.

My love you take my breath away.

What have you st ... Read more ...