Several years ago, when I lived in New York and flew to customer sites often, my wife would usually drop me off at Newark (N.J.) airport and pick me up when I returned. On one trip, I was only going to be gone for a few days, so I drove myself, and parked the car in Newark. When I returned, the weather was lousy, and it was late at night. I wanted nothing more than to get home to the comfort of my wife and my own bed. When I arrived, the storm was very loud, with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I came into my bedroom at about 2 a.m., I found my two children, Alex (age 3) and Cindy (age 7), in bed with my wife, Carolyn.  They were apparently scared by the loud storm.  I resigned myself to sleeping in the guest bedroom that night.

The next day, I talked to the children, and explained that it was okay to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom that night. They said okay.

After my next trip several weeks later, Carolyn and the chi ... Read more ...

I was reading about this years funniest news headlines and decided I would share them with everyone here on eBaumsWorld.  ENJOY!

1. Crack Found on Governor's Daughter

2. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says

3. Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers

4. Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus?

5. Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Take Over

6. Miners Refuse to Work after Death

7. Juvenile Court to Try Shooting Defendant

8. War Dims Hope for Peace

9. If Strike Isn't Settled Quickly, It May Last Awhile

10. Cold Wave Linked to Temperatures

11. Enfield (London) Couple Slain; Police Suspect Homicide

12. Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges

13. Man Struck By Lightning Faces Battery Charge

14. New Study of Obesity Looks for Larger Test Group

15. Astronaut Takes Blame for Gas in Spacecraft

16. Kids Make Nutritious Snacks ... Read more ...

I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16.  I went in to buy a packet of condoms at the pharmacy. There was this beautiful woman assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, "No, this is my first time."
So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure. I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was empty.
"Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door, and locked it.
Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. "Do these excite you?" she asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.
As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk. "Well, co ... Read more ...

I read this a while back somewhere and then today I stumbled across it again.  It still makes me smile when I read it, so I figured I would share it with everyone else.

Below is a list of questions followed by the answers given by children.  Some of them definitely put life in perspective.

HOW DO YOU DECIDE WHO TO MARRY?
You got to find somebody who likes the same stuff. Like, if you like sports, she should like it that you like sports, and she should keep the chips and dip coming.
-- Alan, age 10

No person really decides before they grow up who they're going to marry. God decides it all way before, and you get to find out later who you're stuck with.
-- Kristen, age 10

WHAT IS THE RIGHT AGE TO GET MARRIED?

Twenty-three is the best age because you know the person FOREVER by then.
-- Camille, age 10


HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED?

You might ha ... Read more ...

I didn't do my homework because...

*I didn't do my history homework because I don't believe in dwelling on the past.

*I didn't want the other kids in the class to look bad.

*A sudden gust of wind blew my homework out of my hand and I never saw it again.

*Another pupil fell in a lake and I jumped in to rescue him. Unfortunately, my homework drowned.

*Our furnace broke and we had to burn my homework to keep ourselves from freezing.

*I'm not at liberty to say why.

*I wanted to frame the detention letter you're about to give me.

*It was destroyed in a freak accident involving a hippo, a toaster, and a bag of frozen peas. You don't want to know the details.

*I have a solar-powered calculator, and it was cloudy.

*I made a paper plane out of it and it got hijacked.

*My mom used it as a dryer sheet.

*My agent won't allow me to publish my homework until the movie deal is f ... Read more ...