It's amazing what you can get away with if people think you're blind. The idea came to me sometime in highschool after my mom got her pupils dilated for some eye exam. It seems like so long ago; I have trouble remembering some of the details, but basically my mom was stumbling around the house knocking into stuff. All I could think was, Hey, maybe I could use this to get a hold of some boobs. You know, I was like 17 and horny all the time.

So here I am: 34 and horny all the time. Still using a lot of the same old tricks, but of course I've picked up some new ones along the way. I learned pretty quick that one of those red and white walking sticks is a must. Obviously sunglasses are important too. I opted for some really shiny aviators so women couldn't see my eyes. They seemed to get exceptionally creeped out when they could tell I was staring at them while I was rubbing up against them on the bus. It also helps to be a little messy. I'm not saying that blind people are; I'm just saying it' ... Read more ...

So for the last nine months, I just thought my wife was getting fat. Really fat. I really did. She didn't look pregnant. She ate so fucking much her whole body expanded, and that bump where the baby was hiding was dwarfed by her massive saggy tits, and her legs as round as damn garbage cans.

And anyways, I didn't have any reason to think that she was pregnant. But, apparently, this cow of a wife had lied about taking her birth control pills. Had lied about not wanting to try having another baby. And she tries to fucking cover it up by getting fat as hell.

Most women, after five still borns, they tend to give up. And I didn't even want a stupid kid.

But obviously, with a fucking idiot of a wife like this, she waits until she's having a fucking heart attack while we're eating breakfast to tell me. A heart attack. Breakfast. I'm trying to eat my fucking brea ... Read more ...

In my eyes there are six levels of intoxication. There are states above the six I am about to outline, but I consider those beyond intoxication -- the ones where you land in the hospital.

Level 1: Sober. It's probably not the way you want to be, but it works for most common chores such as working or raising a family. This is your base state, homeostasis. You may not like it but the average person spends more than 70% of their life completely sober.

Level 2: A quick drink. This is meeting a friends before class to grab a beer so you can make it through another calculus lecture. OK, maybe two beers.

Level 3: Family Events. This is the Christmas where you don't want to embarass yourself infront of Grandpa and Grandma, but you still manage to get down five beers before the night is up. A good start, but just enough to take the edge off of your annoying aunt.

Level 4: Standard night out. As implied, this is your usual night out. Usually accompanied by a cab or friend ride home -- on ... Read more ...

The sky was thick with fog, and the moon had trouble getting any light to earth. Luckily I had my night vision goggles.

I was in the bushes across from my new neighbor's house, masturbating. I thought he was pretty cute, but I never really saw him up close. At this point, though, I was so horny it didn't even matter.

He had just moved in a week ago. I figured he probably had a wife because the house was way too big for just one person; the only problem was I never saw anyone except him come and go.

On this particular night he was sitting on the couch watching football. No shirt, boxers, and a can of beer in his left hand. I had never gotten a handjob from a lefty before -- I wondered if it would feel better, as I switched to masturbating with my other hand.

Just as I was about to blow my load all over the bush I was in, a car pulled around the corner. The high-beams lit up my shocked face; it was too late. I started to cum all over the bush and my hands. I could feel chunks of j ... Read more ...

So I was sleeping happily in my bed at around 7:00am, several hours before I had to wake up, when a text message tears me from my sleep. The number was unfamiliar, and, unless they had just read my blog "Memories," relatively innaccurate. So I thought I would have some fun. This might have been one of those "you would have had to be there situations" or part of sleep depravel, but I found it pretty funny. So here is an exact transcript of what happened:

�

Stranger: Hey girl

me: Why hello thur

Stranger: How r u

me: Good how are you?

Stranger: Good what u up 2

me: Sleeping in my bed

Stranger: U still in bed

Stranger: What u wearing

me: Boxers and a t shirt

Stranger: No panties

me: No i usually don't wear those...

Stranger: any 1 home

me: Idk if my mom left yet

Stranger: U shave

me: No not yet. I think i will later. My face is kind of rough

Stranger: Your boxers off

me: No there stil ... Read more ...